FOWC with Fandango — Disingenuous

I am not (mostly) disingenuous. I certainly lack false modesty. Okay, that’s not true either. I’m really terrible at taking compliments, especially when I am not sure I deserve them — but I really improve if I think I’ve earned it.

So, while I am not 100% honest, who is? If you count the fake excuses we make for places we don’t want to go — and little white lies about the dent in the hood of the car — we are all a little bit politely dishonest. We don’t lie about important stuff, though. The fact that I blog probably eliminates “disingenuous” from my resume.

I figure I’m honest enough, especially these days when I’m not even sure what honest is supposed to mean.  Are we all equally confused or is it just me?

Today, it’s off to the hospital to get tested for something that has been lingering with me since I was in my early thirties and for which I have been tested — repeatedly — both here and in Israel. Lots of guesses, all of them wrong. So now they are checking to see if I perhaps have had minor strokes without knowing it.

Tests and followup appointments for the next two weeks will keep me ridiculously busy. I don’t know how this can be, but I swear my life seems three times busier than it felt last year.

I used to have plenty of time to blog, write stories, take pictures and all that and still have time to read other people’s posts and comment. Now I swear by the time I am halfway through my first cup of coffee, I’m already late for something.

Today I am having a Carotid Duplex Scan, which is some kind of intriguing CATscan of my throat and arteries to determine if I have had one or more minor strokes with no after effects. After which, there will be an appointment with the specialist to sort through the half dozen tests I’ve already done. And the bills. Sigh.

This will not even close to the first test for this problem, here or in Israel. They have more advanced testing now than the last time (about 18 years ago) I was tested. It will be interesting to see if they find out something. So far, this has been a lot of running around without anything to show for it. I didn’t want to do this because each time, the result is “idiopathic” — which is to say, medically clueless.

It could be anything or nothing.

This “small seizure” thing has been popping up intermittently for 40 years. It’s scary (especially to those who are around when it occurs), but it never seems to do any harm. Five minutes later, I’m fine and it feels like nothing happened. It may not occur again for years.

As we get older, though, it becomes more of an issue to determine what is happening. So we endure all the tests. So far, we know what isn’t wrong.

I’m betting I’m going through this entire testing and doctoring thing — and will know nothing more when I’m done than when I started.

Also under exploration is my spine. That’s of more concern. I’m hoping — seven years after being told there was nothing anyone could do — that maybe medicine has advanced and there’s something.

Not a cure it because it isn’t curable, but at least something that might make it feel better. Even a little better.

I’m off to the hospital. This time, I get to go to the big shiny building on the campus! Are we having fun yet?

Categories: #FOWC, Daily Prompt, Fandango's One Word Challenge, Health, Marilyn Armstrong, UMass Memorial

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26 replies

  1. Hope all goes well and you can get some answers an viable solutions… I went through several years, beginning in 1990, of passing out episodes the medical professionals termed vassal vega syndrome. The last episode occurred in 2003–still remains a mystery to me.


  2. I guess we just react slower now and that’s why it feels like we are always running late for something. I used to be able to jump out of bed and be ready to go somewhere in an hour. I still can on Op Shop days although chores, like washing up sometimes get left; but to get up early on a Saturday morning to catch the bus to Hobart just, doesn’t seem worth the bother. Hope they find something useful out this time.


    • Yes. Not I have a whole process just to get on my feet. Then I have to stand there for a while until I’m sure I’ve found my balance. And I move slowly. Very slowly. BUT I still move. That’s something, right?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. lmao @ are we having fun yet. But as for the rest, I so agree. It feels crazy…having so little time to do what I want, like blogging, talking with others, sharing and reading blogs. Mostly I must confess it is because I couldn’t sit in my computer chair for more than 5 minutes without excruciating back pain. My son bought me a new chair for mother’s day and I’m now able to sit for longer which is a blessing indeed, so hopefully, you’ll see and hear from me more often, I can only hope! woot. So far so good! It would be great news is they can ease your situation at all even a little bit. xx fingers and toes for you!


  4. oh yes, great fun….. you should have become a doctor, so you could decide yourself whether yet another treatment, another test, another op, are the thing to do!
    Disingenuous = a new word for me. It probably speaks in my favour that I didn’t know it! 😉


    • It means “falsely humble” or “a pretense of humility.” I doubt many bloggers have this problem 😀 If you are online a lot, you aren’t suffering from disingenuity.


      • ….. I did look it up in my much liked – it’s the best for anything in ONE WORD and is German based, meaning you can find a reasonably good translation if in one way or other German is involved. Not helpful to you, I know but it’s great for me.


  5. I went through years of test on my foot and two operations to learn basically nothing. I spent a lot of time on my arm, neck head to find something only to learn I had a couple of herniated discs that must have been getting worse. We fixed that…mostly. The science of medicine is not so exact and we must keep going back…and paying the bill.


    • Well, this is turning out to be exactly what I expected. Nothing that has a name brand, nothing that tests show. A lot of running around and a lot of idiopathic seizure activity (intermittent, as in rarely). At least it was painless.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I would never label you as being disingenuous. You are an open book. Good luck today. I hope all is well.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Those doctors and tests can chew up a lot of time and energy. I’ve long since given up on them. Whatever I have will go to the grave with me.


    • Well, this scared Garry pretty thoroughly and it has been about 15 years since I had it checked out. Maybe closer to 20. The technology has come a long way, so I figured I should make sure it isn’t miniature strokes or a brain tumor. But it’s so far, nothing. It IS something, but I suspect it really is complicated migraine. For which they have drugs I refuse to take. I’d rather have an occasional fit of fainting.

      Liked by 2 people

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