School shootings with multiple victims have become an everyday news story in the United States. It’s a boiler-plate political issue with second amendment activists led by the NRA holding fast to their rights — that is, the right to make a lot of money selling guns to everyone and anyone, anywhere. Fighting passionately to keep the right to own guns, even as bullets from assault weapons are killing kids.
Gun activists are seemingly oblivious to the availability of assault weapons through illegal purchases.
Gun rights trump young lives in harm’s way. It’s a deadly serious issue but the solutions offered by some of our elected officials are anything but serious. Do you think Jimmy Stewart’s Senator Jefferson Smith would be okay with arming teachers to shoot it out with offenders in crowded classrooms?
Can you imagine the late Speaker of the House, “Tip” O’Neill, the consummate politician, agreeing to arm the real-life “Mr. Peepers” with magnum 44s to blast invaders as students scatter to avoid gunfire? O’Neil’s reply would minimally question the sanity of his colleagues in the House and Senate. Sadly, we have no Tip O’Neill to step up with rational solutions to our national nightmare.
Pilgrims, it’s time to deal with the miscreants who surely don’t value human life. Time to appeal to their inner demons and enable them to spray bullets with deadly intent into classrooms to assuage their problems.
But, I have a few minor modifications I’d like to add because it is time to lock ‘n load — with some creative thinking.
SUGGESTION #1 – EXPLODING LONG GUNS: Picture the iconic Red Ryder rifles of our youthful dreams. Long, gleaming barrels with the burnished red stocks, topped by an autographed picture of our 45th President. The sentiment would be clear: “Bad hombres die hard!” If the school shootist fires this weapon, it’ll blow up in his face. Crisis averted.
If a teacher or defending student fires the weapon, it’s a senseless tragedy — but we need to look at the bigger picture. A Presidential eulogy will ease the pain of more innocent lives lost.
The exploding long guns should be massively advertised to draw the attention of would-be assassins. Just the rifle’s Presidential sentiment should entice those who are on the edge of committing bloody massacres.
They will be nudged into action by the Commander-In-Chief’s passion for thoughtless, narcissistic behavior. The shooter is sure to take selfies with his presidential embossed rifle and post it on Twitter and Facebook, with pride gleaming in his orange eyeballs.
Gary Busey could do television ads for the imploding long guns. Busey’s colorful style would make the guns an easy sell, especially for those who really want to make their mark in the world.
SUGGESTION #2 – EXPLOSIVE TRUMP BOBBLE-HEADS. These terrific replicas of our President will have all the verve and sexually traumatic attraction of DJT. They’ll be personally autographed in that familiar, illegible scrawl used to sign faux bills.
The bobbleheads have a floating toupee that easily separates from the rest of the bobblehead on impact. School security could locate the bobbleheads at strategic positions likely to be invaded by would-be shooters.
Psychologists believe the invaders will be disoriented by the bobbleheads. They would automatically pick up the miniature DJTs and blow themselves into a parallel universe occupied by orange-haired robot women, all named “Stormy.”
Roseanne Barr will do all the advertising for the Bobbleheads, emphasizing her belief in MacCheesehead’s legacy as emperor of the world.
These are just the top of our R&D campaign for alternatives to avert School Shootings. We’re working on DJT dart boards that will explode when a dart hits the spot. THE spot.
Let’s stand strong against idiotic suggestions to avert school shootings. You can voice your opinion in the next elections that, hopefully, will sweep out more of the remaining corrupt and mentally- challenged officials pigging out at the public trough.
“What a world, what a world,” he cried in his best wicked witch of the east (or was it the west?) voice.
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I’m pretty sure it was East. My granddaughter would know. She was a HUGE Wiz of Oz fan and could do all the voices before she was five.
On another note: would pouring a bucket of water over Trump make him dissolve?
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Let’s swap.
The US administration can try and sort out Brexit
And we’ll deal with gun control.
Then we find we’ve both sold each other off to China, whose govt doesn’t care for its citizens to carry guns (and The UK gets turned into a massive theme park)
It’s worth a try?
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What a freaking MESS the world has become.
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It always was…This is our turn.
Trump & Brexit at the same time, the symmetry is horrendous and yet somehow predictable.
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It makes me a bit ill, really. We’ve lived just long enough to discover we are now re-fighting the same battles we fought before. Sort of like realizing you are now on your third (new) water heater — have you really lived in the house THAT long? Uh, yes. Not only are we re-battling the same battles, but we are repurchasing our house — one piece at a time.
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A very good anlaogy Marilyn
It is a constant battle. The forces of Ignorance, Fear and Greed are buried deep within the Human spirit, they can be beaten back, but vigilance must never slacken.
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It would seem so. Every time we relax, it’s the same battles all over again. I’m tired and frustrated.
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This is the challenge. Sometimes we have to retire to repair, refit and the return.
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We’ve had a few school shootings here in Canada too, Garry. I don’t know what the answer is. We have a gun registry which hopefully keeps the guns out the hands of sickos. Our mental health institutions have been woefully under funded. Heaven help us.
Leslie
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