A.B. NORMAL – Marilyn Armstrong

FOWC with Fandango — Abnormal

What is normal? It there such a thing? Does anyone lead a “normal life”?

This has been a week when it feels like I should not have gotten out of bed. Or, for that matter, gained consciousness. Every time a hint of consciousness appeared, I should have taken something that would put me back in a chemical coma.

Between the news about Bonnie and discovering one wall of my house is about to fall off (and there is no money with which to fix it) and the critical invasion of lethal Eastern Equine Encephalitis Mosquitoes — it has not been a good week. It hasn’t even been a bad week. It has been an atrocious, abnormal, messed up, disgusting, horror of a week.

Wolf spiders vary greatly in size. The smallest may measure only 3 millimeters in body length, while most lycosids are larger, reaching up to 30 millimeters. Many species live in burrows in the ground, and most are nocturnal. Most lycosids are brown, gray, black, pale orange, or cream. They often have stripes or speckles. The head region of the cephalothorax usually narrows. The legs, particularly the first two pairs, are often spiny to help the spiders hold their prey. And this is exactly what it looked like.

A coma seems my best possible choice. Or a long leap off a very tall bridge. My primary problem with long leaps off tall bridges is that I might not die. I might just get broken into many pieces and have to live with that, which probably would make things worse — although I figure at that point the powers-that-be might consider that we need to have a place to live. Or, who knows? Maybe they will just drop me by the side of the road and drive away.

Who needs all these “old people” cluttering up our world?

It’s all about climate change. The climate change we don’t have has been battering this house with endlessly pouring rain and raging wind storms. Apparently on at least one side of the house (the short side) has had the vinyl siding so ripped apart that not only is the wood beneath it soaked, but the actual vinyl is soaked. The door which the vinyl surrounds is black with mold from the endless wetness and for reasons that I cannot fathom, hordes of yellow jackets seem to be trying to make a nest on our deck.

There is nothing ON our deck. We removed everything when we repainted it. The only remaining things there are broken pieces of branches from the trees and one of the most enormous wolf spiders I’ve ever seen.

Mind you, I knew they lived in the woods, but this one wanted to climb in through our screen and I finally pulled out the really poisonous spider stuff and sprayed him to death. The first couple of time he sat on the screen and leered at me, I just knocked him off to (I assume) the deck below. The fourth time, I decided it was war.

I killed him. Through the screen. With spider poison spray. So his carcass — his rather enormous carcass — is stuck between the boards on the deck and between the huge dead spider and the hundreds of yellow jackets, I’m staying home.

And still trying to figure out how we can repair the house — it really looks like we should completely redo the vinyl siding and the gutters which have been battered by falling tree limbs so they don’t do anything useful.

But we have no more money. Any money we had has gone to fixing the well, replacing doors, replacing half the front of the house and putting in a new window. The deck is falling off the house.

I’ve been running through my possible ways “out” of this life, not because I expect to see heaven, but because this life just isn’t working out for me. People say that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but these don’t seem particularly temporary. The house really needs work and we can’t do it. I’ve been trying every way I know and just winding up in enough debt to wonder if either Garry OR I will live to see the end of it.

He’s trying to find some work. I just want to leave all the details to anyone who wants them and slide into oblivion. NOT because I think oblivion would be nicer, but because I’m not going to try to live on the street. As a simple start, I’d last about three minutes and they wouldn’t be nice minutes and the other because frankly, I’ve had enough.

Every time I think I’ve found some solution that MIGHT work, I discover that there’s oh so much more that needs to be done.

I’ve looked for solutions, but there don’t seem to be any solutions. It may look like a solution but it’s really just another trap. A tar pit. Maybe we should go back to the caves, but I’m pretty sure it would be full of big spiders too.

Categories: #FOWC, climate change, Daily Prompt, Fandango's One Word Challenge, Money, You can't make this stuff up

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

25 replies

  1. I was hesitant to like this and I can somewhat relate. There are always expenses for the upkeep of the house and for healthcare needs, but I suppose I’m fortunate enough to have put away a “nest egg” that should permit me to take care of things for a few years yet to come. I’m not too worried at this point of ending up on the street, but I do hope I don’t ever have to deal with the possibility of ever outliving my modest nest egg. Then it would be Dr. Kevorkian time.


    • When we moved in here, we put up new siding, new roof, fencing, doors, replaced the sliding doors with French doors … about $30,000 worth of work. Then there were the appliances, the water heater, the water heater, the water pump, the well, the well reboot (it was old), the pipes, the electricity, the next round of electricity (three circuit breakers). THIS YEAR it was the bathroom, the plumbing, the front door … and the chimney needs repointing … and the west wall of the house has been beaten by storm-after-storm since the end of the winter. Remember climate changes? Guess what? it’s here. And somehow, we managed to get through, but this year, we finally ran out of money. It took 20 years, but the house got older and we got older. Oh and the chairlift (forgot about that one) and getting rid of the mice and the ants (living in the woods is a mixed bag).

      What’s astonishing is how your home insurance never covers ANYTHING. Except when lightning hit the house and knocked out two computers and the router. They paid for that. Otherwise, they have collected some very big money from us for a long time and never paid anything to us.

      I think they OWE us on this one because this isn’t wear and tear. It’s storms and wind and crashing tree limbs. But we don’t get to make the call. They do. We are simply out of money. We had a nest egg. It got eaten. And with the changes in the climate, it’s not going to be just us. It’s going to be a LOT of people. You figure insurance companies are going to cover climate change damage? Wanna put down any bets?

      But you understand at least what I mean when I say homelessness is no on my agenda, I’m too old and too sick.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Have you investigated your county’s elder services? Might they have volunteer handymen who could help?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, as I said on my own ‘oh woe is me’ post, YOU WIN. I’d have dropped dead of heart failure if I saw a spider that large, you’re wicked brave woman!! As to the house problems, can you garner a home equity loan? Or find some compassionate relief organization in your area that has funds to fix up homes for people in your circumstances? I’m so very sorry about all of it. The yellow jackets are really bad this year, according to my pest control people. I’ve had them out three times to spray those buggers and still some of them survive. At least the repeat spraying is free. I ‘get’ the money woes. You’ve heard me moan about mine own often enough. Sweetie, go back to bed for a while if it helps. 😦


    • We are out of money and we are “too rich” to get help (they only count money coming in, not what you owe) … and i was really proud of myself for not passing out from the spider. I’d been saving the spider poison. I don’t like to use it because of the dogs, but this was war.


  4. Guess what. It is 10.30 in the evening, Mr. Swiss is already hugging the bed and I am finishing the day off and what did I see hanging onto to wall: a mega spider, although I think its size is the only thing it has to boast about. Did I scream? Of course not I grabbed my phone camera and took a few shots, although he was hovering in the shade,


  5. You poor things, you’re really in the wars at the moment. So sorry about all your problems – to use the weather proverb, it never rains but it pours. Those spiders look hideous though – I’m phobic about them so I’d need plenty of that spray, which we don’t seem to have over here. Do hang in there though, you still have a lot to hang around for – family, your dogs, each other and the lovely area you live in. And there’s us bloggers too. ❤


    • That was one hell of a spider. I know — knew — we have wolf spiders all over North America. Mostly, they live in the woods and tend to be nocturnal, which I why we rarely see them. But THIS one for some strange reason decided HE wanted to join me in the kitchen. Uh, no, thanks. He was a BIG mother. I’m wondering if underneath the deck it’s full of spider nests. I’m such an arachnophobe, that by itself might keep me permanently in side.


  6. So sorry about Bonnie’s health.


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