MR. ROGERS AS PARENTING GURU – BY ELLIN CURLEY

My mother was a psychologist who originally specialized in child psychology. Throughout life, I had a personal role model for parenting through the way she treated me and from what she actually taught me about relating to children.

Her philosophy was to respect your child as an individual but understand how he or she thinks and what he or she understands at each level of development. You should talk to children as you would an adult, but using words and concepts they can understand at each developmental stage.

She believed that you should explain whatever is going on in your child’s life, including why you want them to do something or not do something. I always got a reason for what was expected of me so I was a very reasonable and cooperative child, most of the time.

My favorite photo of my mom and my son, David

I was nineteen in 1968 when Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood started its 30 plus year run on television. I didn’t get to know him until around 1987 when my daughter was two.

She became a huge Mr. Rogers fan, as did I. I immediately realized that he was motivated to help parents as much as kids. He was a wonderful example of the calm, consistent, patient demeanor parents should exhibit towards their kids as well as a model of how adults should communicate with children.

He showed parents how to tune into what their kids were feeling, to respect those feelings and how to appropriately address them. He was particularly good at showing parents how to help kids through difficult times in their personal lives or in society as a whole.

He started his TV run in 1968 and that year he filmed an episode especially for parents, showing them how they could talk to their children about the assassinations and social turmoil that was erupting in the society at the time. His last address specifically for parents was after 9/11 in 2001, when he was talking to a generation of parents who had grown up watching his show.

Mr. Rogers’ parenting style was familiar to me because it mirrored my own mother’s approach to parenting. It apparently had a huge influence on many other parents for decades.

He became a parenting icon, or guru, to millions. His influence could be compared to the influence of Dr. Spock. He also wrote several books for parents. The real wisdom he conveyed was through his overall persona and gestalt. Parenting philosophies have changed over the years but his example of nurturing and sensitivity has had a lasting impact.

Celebrations last year marking the 50th anniversary of his TV debut were received with enthusiasm and huge ratings. There was a PBS special and a critically acclaimed documentary, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor,” which made 22-million dollars at the domestic box office and became the top-grossing biographical documentary in American history!

The trailer for the new movie coming out about Fred Rogers, starring Tom Hanks, also received an enormous outpouring of affection and support on the internet.

Tom Hanks as Mr. Rogers

Mr. Rogers is obviously beloved by both the children and the parents who watched his show and he was a comforting presence to parents as well as children. He gave parents confidence that with some empathy and patience, they could handle any situation with their children. But he also made it clear that there had to be a real connection between parent and child for this magical relationship to work.

To be a parent like Mr. Rogers, you had to talk to your child, ask him questions, read to him and play with him in order to develop the rapport and trust that predicates the “Mr. Rogers’ style” relationship.

Above all else, his message was to accept and love your child “just the way you are” and to give that dependent being all the time and attention he deserves. This approach is timeless, compassionate and caring.

Mr. Rogers set a high bar for generations of parents, particularly working parents whose time with their children was more limited. He also gave these parents the roadmap and confidence to reach his lofty goals.

You could say that Mr. Rogers has played a major role in shaping American society through his influence over generations of kids and parents because society is made up of individuals, and parents shape the character of the individuals who populate society.

Mr. Rogers helped shape parents since 1968.

14 thoughts on “MR. ROGERS AS PARENTING GURU – BY ELLIN CURLEY”

  1. By the time this came on, Owen was a bigger kid and didn’t spend much time watching TV at all. it was still antennas and lots of white noise and stuff, so it wasn’t all that great. But we’ve always been great explainers. Owen was hilarious with Kaitlin. He would give her a good TALKING TO when she misbehaved. Once, she actually said ‘Can’t you just smack me like the other parents do and skip the talk?” Owen said after that, the talk was at least twice as long.

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    1. My Mom was a good role model for me as a parent, except that she believed in tellng kids ‘little lies’ to protect them. I always felt betrayed and conned and disrespected when I found out about her lies, both large and small. I rarely lied to my kids, though I would sugar coat some things and minimize others when it was age appropriate.

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    1. I loved watching all the kids shows with my kids. I loved Sesame Street and some other teachng shows in the 1980’s and looked forward to them as much as my kids did. We often taped shows so we could watch them over again. I found Mr. Rogers bit slow for me but I learned a lot from his approach to kids, particularly how to deal with pesky emotions and bad situations.

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    1. Only one of my children was a Mr. Rogers fan so I didn’t watch him for as many years as I could have. I watched Sesame Street for a long time because both my kids loved it. I still have a tape of a Sesame Street wedding that my daughter watched over and over for years!

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  2. I largely missed the whole Mr. Rogers phenomenon because in the households where I resided there was no easy access to a television, IF the family had one. My biologic family didn’t, until 1970 – something. But I always thought the man (Mr. Rogers) had such a positive attitude and happy way of living, that it was great. If only we’d learned more about HOW to do that…

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    1. I hate to admit it but I sometimes used TV as a babysitter for my kids when I had to get something done. But I knew if I punked them down in front of Mr. Rogers or Sesame Street, that it would be a positive and an educatioonal experience for them.

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  3. When I read a post like this, I usually regret never having had or wanted to own a TV… But then I couldn’t have watched Mr Roger anyway, being a Swiss citizen! But wow, what a chance you had to have a mom who treated you like someone on the same level as herself and who taught you so much! What a blessing that was, PLUS having Mr Roger 🙂

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