HUSBANDS AND WIVES – UNIVERSAL CHATS – BY ELLIN CURLEY

 

THE TOILET SEAT

ME Honey, you left the toilet seat up AND you didn’t flush!

TOM – I know. I did it on purpose.

ME – What? Why would you do that?

TOM – Easy. Because I knew I was going to have to blow my nose after I took my shower.

ME – What does that have to do with anything?

TOM – Because if I wait to flush until after I’ve blown my nose, I only have to flush once, instead of twice. I’m saving water.

ME – Why don’t you put the seat down and flush after you use the toilet. Then throw your used tissue into the wastebasket.

TOM – (SILENCE)


PAPER TOWELS

TOM – Why do you leave used paper towels lying around in the kitchen? Why don’t you throw them out?

ME – Because I can use them again. I’m saving paper.

TOM – You can’t use paper towels over again! That’s the whole point of DISPOSABLE paper towels. They’re disposable!

ME – That’s ridiculous! You can use regular towels again if they’re not too dirty. So why can’t you do the same with paper towels?

TOM – Because I don’t want to have to look at dirty paper towels on the kitchen counter.

ME – Okay. I’ll hide them so you don’t have to look at them.

TOM – I guess that works.

ME – (Sigh) Now I just have to remember where I put them.


TRASH TALK

ME – Tom, please take the garbage out. The bag is overflowing, as usual.

TOM – Damn it! I hate dealing with these overstuffed garbage bags! Garbage is falling out everywhere! This is ridiculous.

ME – Then why don’t you just empty the garbage one of the first three times I ask you to. BEFORE it starts to overflow.

TOM – Where’s the challenge in that?

17 thoughts on “HUSBANDS AND WIVES – UNIVERSAL CHATS – BY ELLIN CURLEY”

  1. My personal favorite is “Where did you put the … ”

    “The what?”

    “The strainer (or the big bowl or the bread knife or or or) …”

    “I never saw it.”

    “You washed it last night.”

    “I did?”

    (Mad rushing around kitchen.)

    “You know, if you put things BACK in the same place from which you took them as opposed to stuffing them in any open area in any cupboard …”

    Except he still hasn’t figured out that things that are like THAT belong together and things that look different go with things that look like THAT. It’s hopeless.

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    1. Sounds like Gaarry needs the Sesame Street lesson on “which of these things is not like the other?”

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  2. Owen calls this “kitchen sense.” Some people have it, some don’t. His partner is worse than useless in the kitchen. Cherrie’s Ron can’t figure out where the pots belong, so he puts them in one tall pile. Sandy never put anything away in ten long years.

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    1. It’s amazing how some people can be totally competant and savvy in some areas of life and then totally hopeless and helpless in others.

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