I read Jan Wilberg’s post about closet cleaning. I realized that I moved well beyond basic closet cleaning.

I need professional help.

I need a squad of strong men and women armed with big, strong plastic bags who will march into my home. Preferably armed. They will go to my closet, pushing me aside. Even if I scream and beg, they will ignore me. When they finish the closet, they will take on (gasp) the dresser.

They will remove every outfit I haven’t worn during the past year, which is almost all of them minus the one or two “dressy” outfits that who knows, I might someday need.  They will ignore my cries that I might someday be a size 10 again. No really, I will.

Then, ignoring my wails and moans and begging, they will march out of the house and donate all of my unworn if slightly hanger-worn clothing to those who might find some better use for it.

After I recover, probably after taking a fair number of calming medications, I will be grateful. And I will finally be able to find the clothing I really wear. Please, send the pros. I need them.

Categories: Fashion, Humor, Marilyn Armstrong, Photography, Shopping

Tags: , , , , , ,

28 replies

  1. I was shocked at the amount of clothing that some people would bring to the Op Shop. They seemed to donate more than I owned. I don’t seem to have as many clothes as most people but I still have more than I wear. There are a couple of dresses that ought to go because I doubt I’ll wear them again. If it involves having to wear stockings and heels I’m really not interested.
    I do keep things for a long time and forget just how old they are. When we went to Don River Railway the other week I was remembering the nice sweatshirt I bought there which I wore for years. I only stopped because it got a bit snug when I put on weight but I found it the other day in my nightwear drawer. I wore it the last couple of winters in bed. Twenty years old.


  2. I fill bags every season change and give to a friend what I no longer wear- we call them hand me ups. It has kept the closet “somewhat” less crowded 😀


  3. Two years ago we went through a mouse invasion to end all invasions: part of the de-mousing process was finding their entry ways (this is an old house, the entries are almost worth signage at this point), and that meant cleaning out the dining room closet. omg.
    The only way to do it, was take everything out, and if I hadn’t used it or wasn’t sure I ever would, it went in a carton for the salvation army.
    When in doubt, throw it out. Or at least recycle.
    When I was done i could actually walk all the way to the back of the closet without danger.
    So I did the same thing to my bedroom. if it didn’t fit, or I had lost interest in it, out. If I never wore it because it looked funny, out. Old christmas sweaters, boots I haven’t worn in decades, all the stuff that I’ve outgrown both physically and mentally. Out.
    Don’t do it all at once. maybe a carton a week, as a goal. Keep what you love, dump the rest. You probably know what you like to wear, put that to one side and forget that your favorite cousin gave you that dreadful shawl. Out. If you can’t button it, why are you saving it?


    • That’s what I’m trying to do. But there is so much stuff in there, I take stuff out and the rest just closes in on any empty space. AND I have given away at least 1/3 of the stuff … but there’s so much more. They are also sealing our house against mice, too. So far, they never made it to our closets, but they did a real number on everything in the attic and most of it got thrown out. It wasn’t good enough for the Salvation Army. I have to go through my sweaters, many of which don’t fit anymore. So even if they ARE cashmere, they need to go. I’m never going to be that thin again.


      • The only thing that saved us during the Mouse Times was my 8 year old cat who suddenly realized he was a champeen mouser. He took out over 20 mice in one winter, and that ended that. amazing.
        I hear you about the clothes; they do seem to multiply. Im planning another foray into the closet come spring, and this time I plan to part with the corduroy pants Ive not worn since I could fit into them. Er. 20 years ago. As you say, I m never going to be that thin again. Or, sadly, that tall.

        Some one will love those sweaters. Trust me. =)


        • The painful part is that some of this clothing wasn’t ever worn.

          When we had our first mouse invasion, we had a little terrier named Divot. On one afternoon she killed a dozen mice and piled them at my feet like firewood. She loved hunting and damned, but she was good at it. The Scotties never hunted anything except my breakfast. They felt that food should sit STILL, not go running around.


  4. It is funny how tossing out unnecessary items feels good. I’d read that once, didn’t believe it and then one day, it happened. It was like lifting a load of stress from my shoulders. I still don’t know why it feels that way, but it does. Out with the old, in with the new! I like that!


    • If I could just make a DENT I’d feel better. Even with the books. We’ve given away as many books as the high school, the technical high school, our library AND the senior center would accept and we STILL have way too many books. I think they breed during the night.


      • lmao, I wished I could say that! I’m such an avid reader, I’ve read everything online library has, the local library and there’s nothing left more’s the pity. If I lived closer, I’d come buy some but alas that’s not possible, lol.


  5. Shortly after I retired, the pole in my dress closet fell in the middle of the night — the only way I could fix it was to first remove all the clothes that had hung from it. I cleaned out a LOT of clothing then, but haven’t been able to motivate myself to do the work again. I’ll need to clean it out again pretty soon, or, like you, I’ll never be able to move from this house!


  6. Go on dreaming, darling….. this sounds like you’ve stolen MY story! I have indeed given away bags and bags of my clothes before our international move – but the lack of them seem to have made only the merest dent – we have only 40% of the space we had before and I can’t see the weather outside for mountains of boxes I CANNOT unpack because I have nowhere at all for all the stuff to go. I wash underwear, socks and a few things and put them on a pile as I don’t even know where all those things are hiding away…..


  7. I own one frock which was purchased for a wedding in July 2017 and I haven’t worn it since (no shoes to go with it anyway now). I own a pair of trainers, a pair of crocs, a pair of boots and my slippers.
    On the boat, we had one cupboard for clothes and storage under the bed in plastic containers. If we couldn’t eat it, wear it, or put it somewhere, we didn’t have it.
    I hate shopping for clothes/shoes with a passion. I live in men’s joggers, men’s tee shirts, and own a couple of cardigans, two jumpers and two pairs of jeans (purchased in 2012).
    I do have a posh coat, which I purchased when I was five stone heavier so it goes round me twice, a body warmer, fleece, and yellow hi-viz suit for walking the dog at night. Very trendy……………. not, but I’m happy!


    • I used to work. And a lot of my clothing was bought for work, but I don’t work now and never will again. I have one nice dress, worn once (winter) and one nice dress (black, basic) with the tags still on — and no shoes for either one. I have coats, but then again, I live in New England, so I have the light stuff (sweatshirts, mostly), light/warm, medium/warm, even warmer, a rain jacket (gave away the coat) and also gave away my REALLY heavy coats because if it’s that cold, I don’t go out. I have asthma and temperature that low makes me wheeze. I got rid of fully half my shoes. I keep my sandals because I wear them constantly as soon as it is warm enough. Got rid of most of my boots and all of my dressy shoes. I think i might as well get rid of the dresses because I can’t wear shoes with heels. Do men have these issues or is it just women?


      • Hubby wears the same size tee shirts and joggers as me, He hates shopping too, so we only have the basics and tend to wear our jeans for going out. I did go out with a guy who would wear as many as three shirts a day, AND he had plenty to spare so did his laundry once a week. I ironed 20 shirts for him once………. and only once.


  8. I have intended to clear my closet for some time. I even cleared the shoes, but then I stopped. I am wearing the same most of the time. I am too old for dressing up and going places. I understand you completely, I just do not need any of it.


  9. Actually there are people one can hire (but they’re usually expensive) to do what you’re asking. I know. They came to help me when I moved in 2013. Elsewise I’d still be wading through the immense (and daunting) piles of stuff that I didn’t use, didn’t wear, and sometimes hadn’t seen in two decades. O_o That’s a MESS! I ended up spending $1500, but it was well worth it and more. I remained organized (in my new home) for about three seconds and now? I need those people back again, but I can’t begin to afford them. 😥


    • That’s about what it cost Owen to clean out the lower level when he moved in. I’d have been more sympathetic, but it was all his family’s stuff. The idea of moving is overwhelming. i will have to die in this house. I’ll never get this stuff moved.

      Did you vote?


  10. I find the older things tend to be better constructed so I would be more inclined to toss the newer stuff. One hanger at a time Marilyn, you can do it.


  11. I am volunteering! I love cleaning closets.


    • I don’t know where you live, but you are OH SO WELCOME. I’ve been trying to get through it. I get rid of a big bag of stuff … and the closet is still the same. Completely blocked by clothing I don’t wear. I can’t find half the stuff I would wear — if I could find it! I’ve moved into brighter colors because the black clothing is the first to disappear. I REALLY need help!

      Liked by 1 person

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