TIME OUT? IS IT PERMANENT? – Marilyn Armstrong

Fandango’s Provocative Question #74


From Fandango:

Most states in the U.S. are loosening restrictions put in place three months ago in order to “flatten the curve” and to slow the spread of the coronavirus. Many countries around the world are doing the same thing. Yet new cases of the virus are continuing to climb.

So, my provocative question to you this week is this:

I haven’t been anywhere off our property — except the hospital in 3 months and as far as I can tell, it’s going to stay more or less the same. We weren’t very sociable before COVID, so the restrictions haven’t been terribly restrictive for us. I would like to see some friends alive and in person and I keep hoping that we may yet see them.

Regardless, life won’t change a lot. We’ll continue to be careful until there’s some kind of substantial protection available.

I would like to go somewhere other than a doctor’s office, but I don’t see our lives changing much.

WHEN SUDDENLY, IT’S TOO LATE – Marilyn Armstrong

There are family issues that go on for years. Many years and in some cases, generations. Yet somehow, you are sure that one day, it’ll get fixed.

One day you realize no, it won’t get fixed. Time has run out. We got old. The world changed. Someone got sick, someone else died. We couldn’t travel anymore.

The time we were sure we had — all the promises of tomorrow — vanished.

What a shame. Maybe it’s better to fix things before they linger on through the generations, before time and illness and the calamities we never foresee arrive without warning and close down the years ahead.

When all of a sudden, the future isn’t anything like you thought it would be, it’s good to have settled the issues. It’s a thought to ponder in bad times that showed up when no one expected them. We thought things were bad enough, but it turns out, there was worse to come.

NOT GETTING A NOSE JOB – Marilyn Armstrong

I don’t remember how many times my mother told me this story, or how many times I have told it to you. It bears retelling especially since racism and bigotry are the words of the month and maybe, the  year.


My mother, like many young women of her generation, had wanted to attend high school. And college. But the family was poor, and there were many mouths to feed. In the end, she had to quit school after seventh grade to take a job. She worked as a bookkeeper. At 14, my mother was respectable. Also naïve and innocent.

Photo: Garry Armstrong

The first place she worked was in a music publishing house on the Lower East Side where she had grown up. She was there for seven or eight years and finally decided to get a better job.

Immigrant children had trouble breaking into the workforce. Of course, my mother had the additional burden of being female at a time when women were not considered equal. There was no “political correctness” to protect them. My mother was blond and green-eyed. At 5 foot 7 inches, she was tall for her generation. Her English was better than most of the family since she had been born “on this side” of the Atlantic and had all her schooling in New York.

She was ushered into a room to be interviewed for the job she wanted. A few questions were asked. A form was handed to her and she filled it out. When she came to the box that asked her religion, she wrote Jewish. The interviewer looked at the application, said: “Jewish, eh?”

He tore the application to pieces and threw it in the trash in front of my mother. She said that from that day forward, she wrote Protestant so no one would ever do that to her again.Finally, I made a leap of understanding. I connected this anecdote to an aspect of my mother I never “got.” My mother wanted me to get a nose job. When I turned 16, she wanted me to have plastic surgery to “fix” my nose.

“It’s not broken,” I pointed out.

“But don’t you want it to look ‘normal’?” she asked.

“It looks fine to me,” I said. I was puzzled. My sister took her up on the offer. I continued to say “no thanks” and my nose is the original model with which I was born.

Since the last time I told this story, I realized my mother wasn’t hinting I wasn’t pretty enough. She was asking me if I wanted to not look Jewish. Remarkably, this thought had never crossed my mind. Until a few weeks ago.

I know many children of Holocaust victims refused to circumcise their sons because that’s how the Nazis identified little Jewish boys. I know non-white mothers frequently sent their light-skinned children north hoping they could “pass” for white. But never, until recently, did it occur to me my mother was trying to help me “pass” for non-Jewish.

I never considered the possibility I was turned down for a job because I was, in the immortal words of Mel Brooks, “too Jewish.” I always assumed it was me. I failed to measure up. I was too brash. My skills were insufficient.

I told Garry about my revelation. It was quite an epiphany, especially at my advanced age. I needed to share. It left me wondering how much I’d missed.

I told him I’d finally realized my mother’s persistent suggestion to “get my nose fixed” was an attempt to help me fit in, to not look so obviously Jewish. I had never considered anyone might not like me for other than personal reasons. I said I thought perhaps I’d been a little slow on the uptake on this one.

Garry said, “And when did you finally realize this?”

“Yesterday,” I said.

“Yesterday?” he repeated. Garry looked dumbfounded.

“Yesterday,” I assured him.He was quiet and thoughtful. “Well,” he said. “You’re 73? That is a bit slow. You really didn’t know?” I shook my head. I really didn’t know. Apparently, everyone else got it. Except me.

TREES BY THE RIVER – FOTD – GARRY ARMSTRONG

FOTD – June 18 – Trees by the river


Down by the river, Garry took some pictures. I keep hoping we’ll get a little bit of rain to clear the air of the pollen. Because tree pollen would normally be gone by now, but it has been so dry, it’s still lingering around.

The river, some kids, and wildflowers across the water

And some loverly reflections

And then there are leaves and trees, and some really pretty violet wildflowers growing wild along the Blackstone River.

Trees framing the river

Wildflowers