NOT GETTING A NOSE JOB – Marilyn Armstrong

I don’t remember how many times my mother told me this story, or how many times I have told it to you. It bears retelling especially since racism and bigotry are the words of the month and maybe, the  year.


My mother, like many young women of her generation, had wanted to attend high school. And college. But the family was poor, and there were many mouths to feed. In the end, she had to quit school after seventh grade to take a job. She worked as a bookkeeper. At 14, my mother was respectable. Also naïve and innocent.

Photo: Garry Armstrong

The first place she worked was in a music publishing house on the Lower East Side where she had grown up. She was there for seven or eight years and finally decided to get a better job.

Immigrant children had trouble breaking into the workforce. Of course, my mother had the additional burden of being female at a time when women were not considered equal. There was no “political correctness” to protect them. My mother was blond and green-eyed. At 5 foot 7 inches, she was tall for her generation. Her English was better than most of the family since she had been born “on this side” of the Atlantic and had all her schooling in New York.

She was ushered into a room to be interviewed for the job she wanted. A few questions were asked. A form was handed to her and she filled it out. When she came to the box that asked her religion, she wrote Jewish. The interviewer looked at the application, said: “Jewish, eh?”

He tore the application to pieces and threw it in the trash in front of my mother. She said that from that day forward, she wrote Protestant so no one would ever do that to her again.Finally, I made a leap of understanding. I connected this anecdote to an aspect of my mother I never “got.” My mother wanted me to get a nose job. When I turned 16, she wanted me to have plastic surgery to “fix” my nose.

“It’s not broken,” I pointed out.

“But don’t you want it to look ‘normal’?” she asked.

“It looks fine to me,” I said. I was puzzled. My sister took her up on the offer. I continued to say “no thanks” and my nose is the original model with which I was born.

Since the last time I told this story, I realized my mother wasn’t hinting I wasn’t pretty enough. She was asking me if I wanted to not look Jewish. Remarkably, this thought had never crossed my mind. Until a few weeks ago.

I know many children of Holocaust victims refused to circumcise their sons because that’s how the Nazis identified little Jewish boys. I know non-white mothers frequently sent their light-skinned children north hoping they could “pass” for white. But never, until recently, did it occur to me my mother was trying to help me “pass” for non-Jewish.

I never considered the possibility I was turned down for a job because I was, in the immortal words of Mel Brooks, “too Jewish.” I always assumed it was me. I failed to measure up. I was too brash. My skills were insufficient.

I told Garry about my revelation. It was quite an epiphany, especially at my advanced age. I needed to share. It left me wondering how much I’d missed.

I told him I’d finally realized my mother’s persistent suggestion to “get my nose fixed” was an attempt to help me fit in, to not look so obviously Jewish. I had never considered anyone might not like me for other than personal reasons. I said I thought perhaps I’d been a little slow on the uptake on this one.

Garry said, “And when did you finally realize this?”

“Yesterday,” I said.

“Yesterday?” he repeated. Garry looked dumbfounded.

“Yesterday,” I assured him.He was quiet and thoughtful. “Well,” he said. “You’re 73? That is a bit slow. You really didn’t know?” I shook my head. I really didn’t know. Apparently, everyone else got it. Except me.



Categories: Marilyn Armstrong, Mother and motherhood, Personal, Racism and Bigotry, Relationships

Tags: , , , , , ,

10 replies

  1. Women still aren’t paid at the same rate as men. Presently, I think it is illegal to ask what religion you are…that’s one step forward. I think your mother had a nice nose and so do you.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I would pingback but not sure what it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You have a noble, patrician nose… why assail it? And your mother was very lovely… she reminds me of my MIL… she was of Swiss, mennonite descent chased out of Europe. She had the same features, blue eyes and lovely white hair since her 20s… I got two Jewish nieces, to black, a Muslim, many Mennonites, two adopted black kids, and my agnostic self so it is all good. Being Jewish in many quarters is much more a bonus that a detriment. I am not so naive as to think their are not still bigots but its seem that today performance and nose to the grindstone (excuse the pun) is still an attribute worth setting aside petty bullshit for.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Made me smile. Yes, it WAS obvious to all but you. I’m sure you now, enfin, finally see your mum suddenly in a different light. 🕯

    Liked by 1 person

    • Agree with Nat Helms’ description of Marilyn’s nose. Patrician. Mel Brooks aside — that’s NOT too Jewish.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I still have the original nose. If you changed it, where would I put my glasses?

      Considering how much other implanted equipment I’ve got (two fake breasts, two replaced heart valves, a pacemaker and a long piece of femur), I figure I should hang onto whatever is left!

      Liked by 2 people

      • Marilyn, I have very FOND memories of “..your girls”.

        Like

      • Made me smile – and if it’s any comfort to you, the dear godfather of my son, who was literally a human being with only a few parts of his own and far more ‘replacements’ (and of whom we thought he would die ‘young’ but made it to near 90!!!) said often: It’s a good thing I can’’t fly anymore, they wouldn’t know where to look with me passing through the ‘metal control’…. and that he would not be able to be cremated because all his spare parts wouldn’t burn properly….. he was a kind but very strongly opiniated man and he ‘called a cat a cat’ as the French say. So you might have much more milage left in you than you think. Those who suffered that much and survived, are often fitter than the healthy ones. Good luck, and to Garry too!

        Liked by 1 person

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