TROOPS OF SQUIRRELS ATTACK RETIREE – Marilyn Armstrong

Gazing out of her bedroom window, she nothing that each feeder had two or three squirrels clinging to it and there were more of them on the deck and on the railing.

“This,” she said to herself, “Is ridiculous. How many of them ARE there?” She opened the window and yelled out the window, but the squirrels ignored her. They didn’t even twitch a tail.

So, barefoot and lacking eyeglasses, she trundled to the kitchen, opened the back door and yelled at the squirrels. There was a wild reaction as squirrels appeared from behind the rails, under the rails, under the deck, on and atop the feeders … and it turns out there were half a dozen chipmunks there, too.

Squirrel on the railing

One big one, the biggest, fattest, most hostile of the squirrel gang stood his ground. She finally opened the door and tried pushing him off the railing. That was when the cadre of apparently karate-trained squirrels came at her from every direction.

Only white bones were left on the deck, left for the sun to whiten and the sun to bleach. The retiree was done in by squirrels and a few chipmunks.

Author: Marilyn Armstrong

Opinionated writer with hopes for a better future for all plus a big helping of cynicism.

22 thoughts on “TROOPS OF SQUIRRELS ATTACK RETIREE – Marilyn Armstrong”

  1. It’s like Little Shop of Horrors. One day, you’re feeding a cute little squirrel… and before you know it, a dozen large squirrels are lurking around your backyard screaming “FEED ME, MARILYN!”

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      1. Yeah, they’d survive, but… lol, I’m surprised you didn’t say something along the lines that I wasn’t supposed to take the squirrels’ side 😉

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    1. Garry used to be (and under the right circumstances, might still be) a big eater of squid. Calamari. I used to point out that one day, a giant squid would sidle up to the dock where he was getting his suntan and drag him into the sea while screaming (in squid): “YOU ATE MY BABIES!”

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        1. Yes, it can. We used to have a restaurant that did it to perfection. It was really tiny and you had to wait in line to get a seat. It didn’t matter if you were the mayor or the governor. Everyone waited and it was worth it. Then they decided to “fix up” the shoreline and knocked all those wonderful restaurants down. They moved into the middle of town, but they lost their chefs and parking and disappeared. And of course raised prices to the skies. But oh my, that was incredible calamari.

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  2. Good grief, Marilyn, such drama – and crime! Who would have thought these fluffy little creatures could be so fierce and scary? 😀 A great – and very unfluffy – tale, brilliantly illustrated.

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