CONTROLLING LIFE – FANDANGO’S PROVOCATIVE QUESTION #88

Fandango’s Provocative Question #88

Coming from an abusive home, I learned very early how little control I had over my life. All kids have essentially no control because children have no rights and an abused child has even fewer rights. The only control children get is the right to beg, nag, or excel at a sport or in school. An abused child lacks even those minimal protections because an unstable parent can react in any number of ways to children, many of them violent and terrifying.

I grew up and as soon as I could, I moved out and stayed out. Not surprisingly, I married early because abused children are usually looking for a stable life situation — and to no one’s surprise, these early marriages do not usually last. They get outgrown. But the point is, by then I already knew how little control I had over my life. I understood that under a cool exterior can lie violence and cruelty. Later, I learned that simple good health was not within my control. I think I’ve spent almost as much time in the hospital and in recovery from some surgery or other than almost anyone else I’ve ever known.

Control is an illusion. Control is what we are sure we have over our lives until — out of the blue — our life takes a turn, hits a big rock, and slides into a ditch. Crash. All your firm beliefs that nothing can stop you doesn’t help because there are things — many, many things — that will stop you dead in your tracks.

I really love it when people tell me how nothing can stop them. Whatever they want, they can get it. All they need is to want it enough and keep trying. I never argue with people who talk like that. They believe it and who am I to argue? Personally, I’ve hit a lot of rocks and ditches. I’ve had my “life vehicle” battered to wreckage. I learned, painfully and slowly, there’s a time to put down the reins, let go of the steering wheel. Take a long look in the mirror and face your reality. Not the reality you used to have, but the reality you have today. Now. The real reality you live even if you have always gotten what you want. There comes a time to give up trying to control your world and go with the flow. To roll with life.

There’s no moral to this story. It’s just life. The only thing you cannot plan is a life over which you have full control. No one gets that. We all have some control, but ultimately, no one has full control. Ever. When life throws you a curve, you have a choice. You can spend your time fighting for something you can’t be or do — or with a bit of grace, find your way to being whoever you are now, in this time and place. Not winning all the battles doesn’t have to be tragic. That is where you have control. You can view changes as a challenge or as a catastrophe. How you see them is up to you. Just don’t pretend the challenges aren’t there. That can be calamitous.

A real world is not the worst place to live. A human life is full of weirdness, lies, and illusion, but going face-to-face with the truth can be uplifting. You don’t have to give up living. You do have to learn to live a life that works. For you. Now. In this time and in this place.



Categories: #FPQ, Anecdote, Challenges, Daily Prompt, Fandango's One Word Challenge, Life, Provocative Questions

Tags: , , , ,

13 replies

  1. Excellent post, Melanie, especially the second to last paragraph. I believe basically the same – we have some control, but not total control of our lives. We have to live with the limitations as well as the talents we were born with. But it’s also cultural, economic, socio-political, and geographical.

    Like

  2. I have to admit that the control I have felt that I had over my own life has been control over relatively small, personal things. I’ve been fairly fortunate in my life when it comes to both health and financial matters, and I’d love to be able to take full credit for that. But a lot of that has been environmental, political, and societal. Had I been born in a different time, a different place, and to different parents, I realize that the life that I felt I was in control of would likely be very different than the one I now lead.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes. Much of our good fortune has to do with being white and middle class. In my case, I had great medical care when I needed it. I got good jobs because I had some talent. I had some very hard times, but I could also be dead. So I figure win one, lose one.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I truly believe in Fate and Destiny. There’s no doubt that a ton of things were put on my plate before I came down here. Some good … and some I would have definitely avoided if I could have. Yet even within this I feel I’ve had almost unlimited Free Will and Choice to screw things up or to reach unbelievable vistas. YET it took me a long time to realize that I had caused it all. The good and the bad. I was responsible. Noting was on that plate that I didn’t deserve or need. That’s can be a really tough meal to swallow. Yet, conversely it gives you Freedom. it empowers you. You become Cause.

    Liked by 1 person

    • However you want to look at it, we get what we get for whatever reason we get it. What we don’t have is control. Looking back, it’s easy to see that a different decision would have made a difference — but then other things would have changed too. Every move we make, every step we take …

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Very wise words which come from experience AND a life well lived (from my point of view).

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have come to believe I did the best I could. I haven’t been so great all the time, but I did the best I could given what I had to work with. I’m glad I’m still alive. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to die over the past 15 years.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’d have to agree with you -control, to a large degree, is an illusion.
    Leslie

    Like

  6. You’re absolutely right!

    Like

Trackbacks

  1. Fighting Stress.. | sparksfromacombustiblemind

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Keep it alive

A look at life, achieving good physical and mental health and happiness

Social artist

Curiosity to Infinity

Story Board

News Stories

Covert Novelist

Just another WordPress site

The Small Dog

Life from the Tail End

Cee's Chronic Illness Sisterhood

Peer support and hope for women with Chronic Illness and their support team.

Salted Caramel

Blogging, Motivation, Lifestyle and much more.

Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

Echoes of Life, Love and Laughter

Sarah's Attic Of Treasures

Making My Home A Haven is important to me. Sharing homemaking skills. Recipes and food. Bible Studies. This is a treasure chest of goodies. So take a seat. Have a glass of tea and enjoy. You will learn all about who I am.

Green Screen

The Environmental Movie Podcast

Crittering

Crittering (noun) - the observation of critters in their natural habitat.

Works by Martha Kennedy

Historical Fiction, Memoir and Paintings

bushboys world

Photos of my world and other stuff I hope you will enjoy too. Photos taken with Canon PowershotSX70HS Photos can be purchased.

musingsofanoldfart

Independent views from someone who offers some historical context

SeanMunger.com

Official Site of Speaker, Historian and Author Sean Munger

The HOBBLEDEHOY

I use the best, I use the rest

This, That, and The Other

Random musings on life, society, and politics.

My Blog

Just another WordPress.com site

I'm a Writer, Yes, I Am!

Martha Ann Kennedy's Blog, Copyright 2013-2020, all rights reserved to the author/artist

National Day Calendar

Fun, unusual and forgotten designations on our calendar.

Cee's Photo Challenges

Teaching the art of composition for photography.

Trent's World (the Blog)

Random Ramblings and Reviews from Trent P. McDonald

Views from the Edge

To See More Clearly

serial monography: forgottenman's ruminations

wandering discourse, pedantic rant, self-indulgent drivel, languorous polemic, grammarian's bête noire, poesy encroachment approaching bombast, unintended subtext in otherwise intentional context, unorthodox unorthodoxy, self-inflected rodomontade, …

draliman on life

Because sometimes life just makes you stop and think

The English Professor at Large

Posts about old Hollywood, current concerns

sparksfromacombustiblemind

EMBERS FROM SOMEONE DOGGEDLY TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL...

The Day After

Musings, Photography, Writing, and More

THE SHINBONE STAR

NO LONGER ENCUMBERED BY ANY SENSE OF FAIR PLAY, EX-JOURNALISTS RETURN TO ACTIVE DUTY TO FIGHT THE TRUMPIAN MENACE!

Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

Welcome to the Anglo Swiss World

%d bloggers like this: