Our Sunday Sermon, by The Very Right Mr. R J Paschall, pastor

We begin all good things by welcoming parishioners and visitors. Don’t forget you must wear your masks throughout the service. Due to current circumstances, there will be no wine served today and we hope that does not mean that some of you will be leaving.

It is a very momentous morning here at the Church of the Sacred Serendipity. It is the first time you could join us in person in many months. I spy some we have not seen for a few years, and we are glad that your souls were not lost in the ever-changing climate. All must remain in their assigned places in order to maintain social distance as prescribed by our medical authorities. We know some of the local politicians have said it is all right to fill the place, but we will wait a while longer to do that. Meanwhile, you must reserve your spot each week on the SERENDIPITY Services Support page or call us here at 1-888-SERENDIPITY.

For those who do not wish to mingle with others, not knowing where you all have been, we will record our services. They can zoom in on meeting number 1SSSS for Sequestered Solemn Serendipity Service. The link will be on our site, or our secretary, Mr. Auxiliaire, can email it to you.

Now before we begin we would like to extend our thoughts and prayers to our neighbors just across the state line at the Congregation of the Perpetual Noise. Many of you know the building right there off the highway. It’s the one with the large orange roof. I think you can spot that orange top from a long way off. I understand it used to be a Howard Johnson’s Motor Inn. In fact, one of our moms, Mrs. Knaves, used to work the place, but I digress.

It seems a number of their flock have taken ill and a few have passed on to their heav… to their just reward. This follows their Rockin Retreat and Heavenly Hoedown last month. All those who are now ill were in attendance. Pastor D J Pmurt assures us that all had a good time. In fact, they had the best time ever. It was the biggest and best hoedown anyone has ever seen. And the good pastor certainly knows a lot about hoedowns.

Congregation of the Perpetual Noise

He will be tweeting out updates about his flock every day…well, more often probably. And by the way, he is aware that some are referring to the orange church as a cult and he requests that people stop doing that. He will likely be tweeting about that too. He says they are “very fine people.”

Today is the first day we have used the choir loft in many years. Usually, the SERENDIPITY Singers are in front of the church. We could not put them all up there due to distancing regulations. The baritones will be in the pews in the back along with Mrs. Hapenny who is afraid of heights. We hope you can hear us up there. We have an important message today.

Choir Loft                  Photo by cealwyn is licensed under CC BY 2.0

First, we would like to remind everyone of the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. That means being good to everyone. You must respect your neighbors. Build bridges of kindness not walls of hate and mistrust. Remember, we are all of the same race…the human race. Do not listen to those who preach division between us. They are false prophets.

Now we would like to concentrate on the Commandments. Today we are looking at seven and nine. The first is against adultery. You all know what that means. I will not go into details since there are some young folks here. There should be no cheating on your spouse. Particularly egregious is the sin of paying another in order to cheat on your wife. Members of the congregation who excuse this behavior are not true followers.

Those who have committed this sin must not continue to deny it. They must come forth, be honest, and ask forgiveness.

Also, we would like to focus on the virtue of honesty. Our other commandment for today’s service is “Thou shalt not bear false witness.” What that means is “stop lying!” In case you all forgot, lying is not only frowned upon, but it is also a sin. Perhaps some of you have told many lies, even thousands or tens of thousands. This is serious. We can not trust those who will not be honest with us and tell us the truth. Those who lie are not leaders and they are headed down a dark path. Do not…I repeat, do not follow the liars of the world into the dark. Come out into the light and encourage others to do the same. Anyone who lies to you is breaking a sacred law.

At this point, we usually tell everyone to offer the sign of peace. Do not do it. Do not touch your fellow parishioner. Wave to them and smile. Mrs. Pmurt just had a root canal so she will not be smiling this week. We hope her face stops hurting soon.

The service is now ended. Go in peace and don’t forget to wash your hands.

Categories: faith, Fiction, Humor, Rich Paschall

Tags: , , , , , , ,

11 replies

  1. The irony is with COVID — and even before COVID — it was getting just like that anyway. Sort of take the solemnity out of the experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hear the Church has a rocking good organ Rich.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Excellent!
    Now, all i need to know if this was a totally made up story or if there is any truth in it. And don’t forget, no lies…. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is absolutely wonderful for a Sunday morning read. My soul feels healthier and maybe a bit stronger. Maybe I need to engage in more exercise for the soul. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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