ONLY IF YOU’RE PAST 70

I have a thing that occasionally happens to me which is sort of like a seizure but isn’t. It happens once in a while — like every year — but it remains a medical mystery. I do know how to deal with it which is to hit the ground and stay there until the world stops spinning. If I do this, two things won’t happen. I won’t faint and I won’t walk into a wall or door. It doesn’t happen often, but it can be alarming.

After I arose from the floor — and after asking me if I was okay — Garry decided I was okay because I said so. He went to the bedroom to watch an old movie or two. Then I had another little flip. It was late. I was tired. After things stopped spinning, I turned the television off and toddled off to the bedroom

Garry: “Are you okay?”

Me: “My brain is weird.”

Garry: “What? I don’t have my hearing aids on.” I look at him for a while, so he got out of bed and puts on a hearing aid. I tell him I just got another spin and I think I need to lie down and go to sleep. It was a long day. He asks  me if he can do anything for me. He wants to help, so I let him.

Me: “Could you get me a coke?”

Garry, relieved I’ve finally given him a task, gets ready to go to the kitchen. While he’s at it, he realizes I’ve got today’s clothing on the floor near the bed, so he asks me if I want it washed, Sunday being laundry day.

Me: “Sure. Great idea. Thanks for offering.”

Garry: “Is there anything in your pockets?”

Me: “No pockets.”

Garry: Looks at pants and says: “Oh, you don’t have any pockets.” We have had many versions of this conversation, about why women’s pants don’t have pockets (to make your hips look smoother), but men’s do. It’s a fashion thing, but pockets are useful.

Me: “Yes. There’s nothing in my pockets.”

Garry: “What? You’re talking very softly. Oh, right, I’m only wearing one hearing aid. The cochlear one isn’t in.”

Me: “What?”

I couldn’t stop laughing. My hearing isn’t what it used to be and Duke was making loud doggy yawning noises. I think our conversation was keeping him awake. I couldn’t stop laughing. It was a classic old people conversation. Maybe you had to be there.



Categories: Cochlear implant, Garry Armstrong, Hearing, Humor

Tags: , , , , ,

9 replies

  1. We have a chap at our camera club who had lost his hearing very suddenly and we thought he was a miserable sod because of this, but he got cochlear implants that were very successful and It turned out he was still a miserable sod! But his wife was happy as she could have proper conversations with him once again.

    Like

    • They don’t change your personality, but they really improve hearing. Garry hears better than he did, but his hearing is not normal. He still has to pay full attention to hear what I say — assuming he wants to hear it 😀

      Like

  2. Love those classic “old people” conversations. You gotta keep your sense of humour.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes I have been there. Mr. Swiss does not have a hearing aid, but has perhaps ear buds listening to a radio or iPad and has his nose in a book, so the result is similar. I might get a dizzy spell and it usually ends with calling the ambulance because I cannot stand afterwards and Mr. Swiss cannot lift me. Mr. Swiss helps where he can, but there is not so much he can do. I am glad when he helps with peeling the potatoes which saves time, and he always makes our bed

    Like

    • Garry can’t do that much either. He can fetch and carry small things, but his back is gone and he has dizzy spells too — we think because of the hearing aids and the pressure of air and sometimes water (from showering or sweating) that collects in his ears. It’s apparently not unusual in those who wear in-ear aids. There’s a lot we can’t do anymore. If Owen hadn’t come back, we’d have had to give up and move, though neither of us wants to move. Where would we go anyway?

      Those dizzy-fainting episodes are alarming to others, though not so much for me because it has been going on for a really long time and no one knows why. Or maybe they just haven’t checked the right things. Who knows? I’ve given up trying to hunt down the cause.

      It’s snowing here and will keep snowing for at least the next 36 hours. How much we’ll get? No one is sure, but probably a lot. AND it’s cold. The skiing crowd is thrilled. The rest of us, not so much!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, yes, I can relate. I have both heavy eyesight and slight hearing problems. My daughter has a soft voice, and I’m often asking “Pardon?” to what she just said. Right now, I’m using a Walker after my two terrific falls last month. I hope to graduate to a cane in a few weeks. We shall see. In the meantime, I feel safer having something to hang on to when I walk, even if I push it around like a grocery cart. Being old is no fun at all.

    Like

    • I LOVE grocery cars. They are just the right angle to lean on. These days, though, it’s scary even going shopping. I know that COVID rates are dropping fast in this state which is good since our vaccine rollout has been so pathetic, but I still have to keep reminding myself to be very, very careful. No grocery rolling for me this year! Maybe one of these days?

      Like

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