A New Perry Mason Adventure, by Earle Stanley Paschall

It looks like the famed defense lawyer was not going to get this criminal off the hook. The charges were not only quite serious, but the crime was cruel and sadistic. Everyone felt the defendant was guilty and the evidence seemed quite clear to all those who had reviewed the case. “Murder” was the cry and someone had to pay.

The local weatherman was charged with killing the winter fun of the neighborhood children. He teased and taunted them with a series of cruel twists and turns of the weather before finally dashing their hopes to the ground like a broken mug of hot chocolate gone cold and sour.

(Tonight’s episode is brought to you by Halo Shampoo. It gives your hair that extra shine. Also: Wildroot Creme Oil Hair Tonic with Lanolin and Colgate Toothpaste with Gardol.)

In our last episode of The Ice Rink and The Pandemic, a neighborhood parent had painstakingly built a large backyard ice rink for the children. They had no ice rink to go skating or junior hockey league. The local rinks were closed due to the global pandemic, but the children were not to be disappointed. There would be ice skating after all.

The brutish weatherman had other ideas. First, he delivered a January with daytime temperatures above freezing so that the ice would never be solid. Then when it seemed all was lost, he brought cold weather. Did you think this Master of Mean Tricks was going to allow the children to skate? With the arrival of the cold, he dumped a foot of snow on the rink. His fiendish laugh could be heard all around the station as he brought a lot of snow graphics to his nightly vicious report.

snow removal

It looked like it would take a Herculean task for two or more people to dig out the rink, and impossible for just one. The neighborhood dad, however, was not going to let his efforts be lost and the children denied. He came out out of his warm and cozy quarters, shovel in hand, set to do battle with the frozen tundra that the rink had become. It took him several shifts throughout the day, but he was successful at clearing the ice so that the winter fun could be had at last.

The green-eyed weather fiend was aghast. How could one dad thwart his efforts at ruining winter fun? So he brought warmer temperatures once again and the surface of the ice rink started turning to water the very next day. The temperature tyrant was having his way again. The dad fought back by adding water to fight the evaporation. This brought the action that led us to the virtual courtroom and the charges against the exceedingly brutal weatherman.

“Wintery Mix”

With a gleam in his eye and a smirk on his lips, the weatherperson declared we were in for a “Wintery Mix.” A small laugh escaped his face on Channel 2020 when he said that he was bringing rain, which would turn to snow. That mess would be followed by arctic cold, turning the slush to unsuitable and un-skatable frozen snow. As the wet heavy stuff fell from the sky, his weather graphics showed a thermometer of falling temperatures, covered with icicles.

The end of the ice rink?

“That ought to fix them,” the weather ghoul howled. At that, an elderly man in an old fedora and rumbled suit came through the door. A younger man in an old dark suit followed right behind.

“Are you the Macabre Meteorologist around here?” the older gentleman asked.

“I am,” he sneered. “Who are you?”

“I am the Lieutenant from homicide and you are under arrest for killing winter fun. We are also throwing in larceny for drinking up all the gluhwein.”

Will Perry Mason win an acquittal for the Channel 2020 weatherman? Will neighborhood dads save the ice rink? Will Della and Perry find a steakhouse open at this hour? Tune in again next time for more legal adventures.

See also: “THE ICE RINK AND THE PANDEMIC“, SERENDIPITY, February 2, 2021.

Categories: #ChangingSeasons, climate, Rich Paschall, satire and parody, storms, Weather

Tags: freezing cold, ice rink, ice skating, neighborhood, snow storm, winter, wintery mix