It was a wild wild week, yet it feels as if nothing happened. Well, maybe a few things occurred. Garry got part one of his vaccination and a date for part two. I found someone to take care of our taxes, I think.
COVID has changed everything and sometimes, I don’t notice. But then, I do something that used to be simple and I realize it isn’t simple anymore. There’s no one to call, no one to talk to. You get taped messages where you used to at least get put on hold. Now, it’s a miracle to even get to the “on-hold” part of the call. Most of the time, there isn’t a contact number. Not for the telephone or email. As often as not, I realize I’ve forgotten how to do simple things which used to be easy.
We drove down to Dartmouth High School for Garry’s vaccination. It turned out to be a great choice. Even though it was a longer ride than other potential locations, it was an easy drive (not counting the re-numbered — or maybe NOT renumbered — highway exits). They were very pleasant and accommodating too. I brought my camera thinking I might get a few pictures. There wasn’t much to shoot, but I took a few shots to go with this post. Anyway, we’ve gotten used to driving long distances because when you live in the middle of nowhere, getting anywhere takes a while.
What have I been doing? Worrying. About money, about getting older, about getting stressed from worrying too much. Wondering what is really wrong with me or Garry and not seeing a doctor because we really don’t want to know. I thought I’d given up worrying, but along came 2020. Suddenly, all the worry I hadn’t been doing came back with the powerful wings of chickens heading for their roosts and feeders. Those chickens always come home when you least expect them.
I think as I untangle myself from my big bag of stress, I might be able to relax enough to say something sensible. I’ve been trying so hard to not let this endless siege get to me, but it got to me. I swear it snuck under the doors and through tiny cracks in the walls of the house. Now, I guess like everyone else, I have to dig out of this emotional hole into which I have crawled. I know at some point, the world will be more normal though I’m not sure what “normal” is. I’m not sure if I know how to be normal. If I only I thought when we “normalized,” I’d also be younger and healthier. That would make it more worthwhile.
I’m so worried about everything I don’t know who or what I’m most worried about. Everyone is having physical issues ranging from serious but non-lethal, to remission before everything falls to pieces. My friends have cancer, MS, Parkinson’s, glaucoma, arthritis, and the beginning of dementia. We laugh about our bad health. We might as well laugh because as we get older, we’ve all got something wrong with us. It comes with the territory. We keep hanging on.
I wouldn’t mind this “time out” if when I emerged, I’d be able to DO something, but I’m a year older and there wasn’t a lot I could do last year, so I’m not expecting this year to be much better. I am just hoping that something will be better and I’ll be able to recognize the difference.