I stand with Edith Piaf. I regret nothing except, perhaps, things I might have done, but didn’t.
I find myself with little to regret. I wish we’d put more money away, but I didn’t have anything to put away. I tended to live life by the skin of my teeth. Garry could have done better but while he wishes he had more money now, he doesn’t regret the things he did with his money. The traveling, the fashions, the cars, where he lived. The time he spent on the Vineyard. Together, we spend happy hours remembering the fun we had, separately and together.
I could regret at least one marriage, but even for that, there were good times and it was part of life in Jerusalem. I don’t regret those nine and a half years in Israel, not for a minute. I wish I’d spent more time in the Old City before it became impossible and I wish I’d spent more time in Svat (Safed). But there are only so many hours in a day and I worked.
I liked my work. High tech was emerging. It was brand new and was going to change the world. I used the first word processor. Before that, we worked on a mainframe and had to insert commands to tell the text to be italic or break a line. Or skip a line. It was fascinating stuff created by fascinating people.
I also learned system analysis and how to design a database — the first database which became the baseline for future databases. Later, I had to unlearn everything because databases were pointer-based. They still are, though I think most of them use lists and pointers.
I certainly don’t regret marrying Garry, though it would have been nice if he’d asked me to marry him before I bought the condo in Lynn — but that condo became home to my son and his family, so it didn’t go to waste, even if it did use up all my money.
I regret having been sick so much, but I didn’t have any control over that, so it’s a moot point.
So I guess there’s nothing to regret. Things that I wish had happened some other way were mostly things over which I had no control. I miss friends who died and wish I could just talk to them again.
Otherwise? Life has been fun, complicated, difficult, crazy, scary and frankly, getting weirder every day. I’m still here. Kicking, screaming, ranting, and worrying.
I think we call all this stuff LIFE.