BEWARE THE FARTING DOG

The Duke is a picky overeater. How, you ask, can you be both picky and an overeater?

Really, it’s simple. You beg for any piece of food in the hand or or on the plate belonging to a human. If you don’t like it, you can drop it on the rug and beg for something you like better.

Note to dog: This doesn’t always work as well as you might expect.

The Duke would not eat just kibble. He would pick at it. It was pathetic. Even though there seemed little likelihood that he was actually starving, we were besieged by guilt. So we gave in and added a scoop of canned dog food. He liked that better than just the kibble. Shortly after we began adding canned food, he cuddled up to us on the sofa. Silent though it was, he emitted a stench that was a biological weapon. Definitely suitable for any war we are already in or in which we are intending to be.

This was no normal dog fart. This was paralyzing, lung stopping. I thought my pacemaker was going to quit. Ground troops could be paralyzed by this smell. Properly used, it could completely end international conflict.

The first time that odor hit us, we thought “OH MY GOD WHAT DID WE FEED HIM?” Maybe he’d eaten some weird thing outside?

The next night, he first hit Owen downstairs, then trotted up here and whacked us.

It had to be his food. What was in that food? Eventually, eliminating all the things I knew were essentially harmless, I zeroed in on the “soy protein.” When they tell you how much protein is in the food you are giving your dog, a lot of it is actually soy. Now, soy isn’t a bad protein. It just isn’t particularly digestible. By dogs. But it’s cheap and they pack a lot of it into dog food.

There’s a lot less regulation about declaring what’s in animal feed, so whatever cans of food you are feeding your dog, the odds are very high that there’s stuff in there you would not willingly feed anything, much less your dog. Just saying.

This happened at about the same time when they raised the price of a 12-pack of dog food from $10 to $25. Overnight. This was more money than I spend on food for one of us to eat and it wasn’t even high-quality food. Meanwhile, the Duke’s output was killing us. One more night of that stink and someone would be unable to continue living. It was that bad.

This was when Owen pointed out that the price of chopped beef — not the highest grade, but the cheaper stuff we used to buy in the old days before we got religion about animal fat — only cost $2 a pound if you bought the big package. It turns out that a package of 73% ground beef (2 to 3 pounds) mixed with a can of plain (no spices, onion, or garlic) tomato sauce (the Duke really likes tomatoes)(also squash) and maybe some plain white rice quickly fried with the fat poured off is enough to feed him for two to three weeks.

I do not feed him raw food because it does not keep. When it’s fresh from the grocery, I may give him one serving fresh, but after that, it’s cooked so it will keep.

He eats what we eat, just without the onions, garlic, spice, salt, sugar, and additives. Maybe he eats better than we do. He eats all his food. You have to mix the kibble in very well or he’ll eat the meat and leave the kibble. I have to check with the vet and see if he still needs the kibble.

It takes me half an hour to cook his food. When it’s cooked all the way through (not rare), I pack it into 1 quart containers. One goes in the fridge, the other two or three go in the freezer. Each quart feeds him for three or four days. And he’s happy. We are happy. He doesn’t beg much anymore. I guess he’s eating well.

He does not fart.

Or at least, whatever he emits is within the normal range of odors that humans can tolerate as opposed to that lethal stench he emitted earlier. We still have a case of dog food in the basement. I’m not sure why we still have it.



Categories: Anecdote, Animals, dogs, Food, Pets

Tags: , , , , ,

18 replies

  1. We used to feed our dog raw food and she never had smelly farts.

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    • Raw food is great, but it’s hard to keep it in the fridge. So I cook it. I think he actually likes the cooked stuff better and now, he’s NORMAL. He really was a lethal weapon for a while and I figured it was the soy and the other “fillers” they were putting in that canned crap. I actually have nothing against raw except the storage. We don’t get to the store often enough to keep raw food ready.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. When we have chicken, I give Loki 1/3 of a chicken breast. He’s never had beef because well, we don’t eat a lot of it. He loves his chicken and considers it a real treat. I do give him a half slice of chopped up bacon once in a bit and cheese but fortunately (maybe it’s because he’s a shep) he doesn’t toot. I’ve been around dogs that do and omg it could take the paint of the walls. lol. lmao @ disturbance of loud language, lolol. omg too funny.

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    • When we have leftover chicken, he gets that too. The beef is his basic dinner because it’s cheap and I can cook up a big batch of it at one time and keep a lot of it frozen. He not only IS less stinky, but he’s also happier. He eats his dinner and it doesn’t make him into a gas bag. Surely all that gas had to make him uncomfortable. God only knows it nearly killed us!

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  3. When I lived in Freeport, I owned…, uh…, shared a dwelling with a Siberian Husky. One night I was brought out of a deep sleep by a smell, I could only believe, was a smoking pile of S–T, deposited directly on my chest as I slept. Much to my surprise, he was fast asleep, several feet from me, across the room, on the floor. If a burglar had somehow entered the house, at this time, he would have immediately been dispatched from the foul stench. He may even have been arrested, by the police, due to the disturbance caused by the loud language he was using as he made his rapid escape.

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    • When the emission is that bad, it’s probably illegal to use it in war. Banned by EVEN the Chinese! But you know? Changing his food to real food rather than whatever they put in those cans has completely fixed the problem. AND he really LIKES it.

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      • My solution was to change dogs.., not actually.., somebody stole him as he bolted for one of his excursions beyond the confines of our home. He loved riding in cars and would jump into anyone’s car at the slightest invitation. I do miss him, even though it’s been ay least 50+years. He was a perennial puppy.., just never grew up. Pup was his name, fun was his game…

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  4. Our cats are also picky, Marilyn, and we also feed them special meals. Duke is a beautiful dog. You were asking about books set in Australia the other and, amazingly, my friend Barbara has published a post listing a whole lot of books set in Australia. Here is the link if you are interested in finding out more about them: https://bvitelli2002.wordpress.com/2021/07/13/books-set-in-australia/

    Like

    • Thank you for the link! My mother used to cook for our cats and dogs and I never knew why. It turns out to not be all the much work and the results ARE worth the effort.

      Thank you for the link! I will check it out.

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  5. Such a handsome boy:) Good you found something that works!

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  6. HE’S SO GORGEOUS! GLAD YOU FOUND A SOLUTION FOR HIS AROMAS.

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    • He is a really pretty boy. He’s a bit assertive. Never snappish or mean, but pushy. He wants what he wants and he will keep barking, jumping, and cuddling with an occasional whack at the computer (my computer doesn’t like that at all!) until we give in.

      People like us do not have well-behaved dogs. Ellin pointed that out one day when we were watching a TV advertisement with perfectly behaved dogs and I asked her “How come none of MY dogs act that way?”

      “We,” she said, “Are not the kind of people who have well-behaved dogs.”

      I also don’t have well-behaved squirrels or chipmunks or even cowbirds. My shrink told me (gently) yesterday that I’m not intimidating and neither is Garry. Owen says I’m better on the phone when no one realizes I’m a little short old lady who has to lean on things to keep from falling over.

      Oh well. I guess politics isn’t for me.

      Like

  7. Glad you found a solution to your very smelly problem!

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    • Once I figured out where the problem began, it was easy. Also, a lot less work than I had imagined. It doesn’t take much time and it’s less expensive than dog food (like, a LOT less expensive). He gets better food and we don’t get gassed. It’s a win-win.

      Like

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