TRULY THE SLOW LANE

I don’t know who said it first, but I remember the first time I said it. It was almost 15 years ago and I was still thinking about the difference between work and retirement. I thought of working as “fast” and retirement as “slow.” I was righter than I knew.

Here I am. I’ve been blogging for more then ten years and more than 12,000 posts later, life is really slow. I thought it was slow ten years ago? I had no idea who slow I would be a decade later. Sad, very sad.

BREAK BREAK!!

As I was watching Colbert, Garry came in to tell me the TV in the bedroom wasn’t working. Nothing was working. He thought it was the batteries in the remote. He actually changed the batteries himself, but he came back and said TV. Still. Not. Working.

I changed the batteries again, just to be sure they were charged (we only use rechargeables and we are always short of AAAs) and he was right. Nothing. I tried the TV remote and it turned the TV on, so that wasn’t dead, but I couldn’t find the streaming channels, which, it turned out, are on the DVD channel. I don’t know why, but it’s probably my fault.

I turned it off. Counted. Turned it on. Nada. Nothing. No pictures in the magic box.

I turned everything off a second time. Rebooting. STILL nothing. Third time, I did something that, for some reason — maybe it’s this particular set up — I moved the plugs around and put everything into a different plug. I then (again) turned everything off, took the batteries out, put the batteries back in. Pressed “ON” and menu, selected DVD (I had tried everything else by then) — and there was Roku.

I picked up the remote, pressed the Roku and everything now worked, just like before. I moved to the incredibly old western channel Roku runs for free and Garry selected a western so old that you can barely see faces in the print. Nonetheless, he still identified every single person in the scene and told me to whom they were married (one was Hal Wallis’s wife, I forget her name). I couldn’t see anything.

I tried a different channel, just to make sure it wasn’t the TV finally dying (we’ve had it for 12 or 13 years) and sure ’nuff, other stations looked normal. I started to laugh hysterically and Garry wanted to know what I’d been eating in the kitchen.

I tried to explain that actually, I hadn’t done anything. I’d just moved the damned plugs around and put them in different holes in that big Belkin doohickey and then suddenly, it worked. I really didn’t do anything. He thought I’d figured out something amazing, but I didn’t. It was magic.

AFTER THE DIGRESSION

I don’t even remember what I was going to write about. I give up. Life is weird and it’s late. I’m going to bed and fall asleep listening to the story of Merlin and King Arthur.

I’m ready for magic.



Categories: Anecdote, Humor, Magic, Media, Television

Tags: , , , , ,

24 replies

    • It seems that this is what most of us do. We have no idea why it isn’t working nor have we any way of knowing what we should do about it, so we jiggle wires, reboot the router, reboot the TV, the Roku and keep messing with it until suddenly, it’s fine. We have no idea what we did or why it worked. This is called “understanding technology.”

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  1. I used to call my Tech buddy over to fix my stuff. Then he died.
    Now I just sit in the dark with a comic book.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I just do stuff, often without any idea if it will work or not. I used to work with a guy from Russia — Kirghizstan, actually but really, Russian. He was a genius. His motto, which worked for him because HE was a genius and I am not was “Keep hitting buttons. Something will happen.” Now say that with a Russian accent (the last word is “heppan”). Basically that’s what I do. And somehow, things happen. I have NO idea why what I did worked. Usually, something happens.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think that’s what Chekov used to do in Star Trek. It’s well known that he downed several Sar Fleet ships with Photon Torpedoes by just jabbing at his control panel. Then blamed it on the Klingons.

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    • You sit in the dark with a comic book? That’s so darn funny.

      Me? I’ll be 80 on my next birthday and I still FREAK out when stuff like this happens. I figure it’s a conspiracy against my checking sports and tuning into the old western of the night. A conspiracy, a bloody cabal. Personal!

      I, also, don’t have the grit to do what Marilyn did. I’m afraid to start messing with wires and plugs. I have a long rap sheet for making bad things worse. I can hear a cacophony of voices from over the decades, “WHY did you mess with the wires and plugs? WHY? You don’t know what you are doing!” So, I changed batteries in the remote. Yes, I DID it! Yeah, Garry! But it didn’t work. So, the next step was to ask Marilyn for help – defeated again like the fumble fingered klutz I am.

      It’s a tale told by an idiot. But Marilyn saved the day AGAIN. Another niche for my futility.

      The old western? Not so old by my standards. A 50’s western, “Face Of A Fugitive”, Fred MacMurray as the good guy on the run. A very young Martha Hyer (with a blonde look) as Fred’s love interest. Martha, of course, was married to Hal Wallis, the prominent movie producer. I immersed myself in the flick, trying to forget the prior humilities.

      Maybe I should try comic books in the dark.

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  2. Wonderfully told. What a hoot! Damn you’re good, Marilyn! Great way to start the day.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Honestly, I have NO idea why anything I do works because I don’t actually understand why it ISN’T working. I just know if I keep rebooting it, eventually it works. More like magic than technology, but hey, the television is working fine and I have no idea why it STOPPED working in the first place πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

    • Gordon, great for Marilyn. Not so great for Garry, the living legend.

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  3. welcome in my world…. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  4. i love your approach to repair/restoration of service. my style, completely.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is all so familiar…

    Liked by 1 person

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