It was obvious that Garry and I, after all these years together, were going to come to a violent end unless we got a bigger blanket.

We already had a king-size comforter on a queen size bed which was fine until The Duke decided to sleep with us. I tried keeping him out by closing the door, but he kept ramming the door with his chest until it popped open. The doors in this house aren’t strong, so we clearly had to find a better solution.

The solution was obvious. Let the Duke sleep in our bed. And that is how our sweet and noble canine came to share our bed. Also, that’s when our troubles began.

It’s remarkable how much bed one 42-pound dog needs. Garry and I are not big people and neither of us is tall. But with the Duke anchoring the middle of the bed, every little move I made somehow because a missing piece on Garry’s side. Every motion he made stole a piece of my blanket.

When I came in at night, Garry had already gone to bed to watch old movies. In my absence, the Duke stretched out happily on my side of the bed. Head on my pillow. At full extension, he seems to need a lot of bed and covers.

I asked him to move over. He would (I swear it’s true), sigh deeply and move his front end in Garry’s direction. His rear end and legs were still on MY side of the bed.

“You are going to have to move,” I told him. Another deep sigh combined with a look so dirty I felt I needed an immediate shower. Eventually, I would give him a push and with another sigh, another dirty look, he would inch over until he connected with Garry’s legs. This left Garry pinned to the edge of his side of the bed and if he moved more than a little, he’d fall right off. Not to worry because the Duke would inch his way until neither one of us could move. Pushing Duke off the bed was possible, but the Duke didn’t like it. As far as he was concerned, it was his bed and we were in his way.

Garry was sure it was all my fault and I was sure it was his fault. We went from humor, pointed humor, to full rancor. It became obvious we needed a bigger blanket since we were unable to eject the dog and a queen-sized bed is not big enough for two adults and a medium-large dog.

I ordered a new comforter from Amazon in a size that you aren’t going to find in a local shop — were we blessed with someplace that sells bedding, which we aren’t.

It’s called the “Palatial King” and it is 120 by 98 inches and it is the second to the largest comforter they sell. The one that’s even bigger is the Super King Plus and it’s 120 X 120 inches which would be important if either of us were tall, but we are both short. We needed width, not height.

Here’s the description:

Hombys 120×98 Oversized King Feather and Down Comforter, Grey Pinch Pleat Thick California Cal King Duvet Insert with 100% Cotton Cover, Extra Large Fluffy Palatial King Comforter for All Season

With tax it cost about $130 and (scream of internal agony) the cover was almost another $90 — but it included two king-sized covers for pillows ($10 less without the pillow covers).

The price went up by $30 since I bought it last Tuesday. I think I bought it on one of Amazon’s “sudden deals.” Anyway, it ate all our money which was not previously committed to an existing bill.

I realized I also needed a cover. Because, you know, the Duke sleeps on it. He’s well, you know. a dog. He’s not a particularly dirty dog except for the looks he gives me, but still, his hair is every where. At least a cover would make it theoretically possible to remove the cover for washing. I say theoretically because, having found what I think may have been the ONLY cover of that size on Amazon or anywhere else, I had to get this comforter inside that cover and it’s going to have to be really really dirty to get us to take the comforter out for any reason. .

I delayed two full days before decided it was time to put the cover on. I said (I didn’t believe it, but it was a good excuse) the comforter needed to to fluff itself up. Yesterday, I knew if I didn’t put the cover on the comforter right then and there, I might never get to it.

I need a digression here about this comforter:

First, it’s down and feathers, not just down. Down is very light. Feathers are not. This comforter is a big. Bigger than the room I used to call my office. Bigger than the amount of floor available in our kitchen or living room or any room in the house. I had already noticed when I got into bed, I couldn’t move my feet.

The functional size is the full height of the bed and stretches from floor to floor on either side with at least one extra inch extra. The process of removing this huge comforter so I can get out of bed is a process. No mere flipping off the covers. I have to haul it up, foot by foot. It’s got a percale cotton cover which isn’t lightweight either and the cover added another double layer of 800 count percale. Heavy, heavier, and oh dear God, I can’t move.

It is listed as “all year” but I don’t think so. There is no summertime in this comforter. Not piece of fluff.

I had to enlist Garry’s help to put the cover on the comforter. I can usually do these myself, but this was so big, I couldn’t even fling myself across the bed to grab it because I’m only 61 inches tall and the comforter is twice my height. Twice.

Without going into full graphic details, it took Garry and I close to an hour to finally get that comforter in that cover. Finding the little tie thingies. We found five, lost three others. At one point, we were ready to give up.

Garry said, “I don’t think we can do this.”

I said, “What choice do we have?”

Remarkably, we managed to get it in place, shake it out, and declare it as “ready.” Yesterday, I put on a bright cotton coverlet from India on it and it looked so pretty, I took pictures. But I couldn’t get into bed with even that little coverlet. It was one double layer of cotton over the line.

So, at first I couldn’t move because the Duke kept us locked to the bed’s edges, but now I can’t more at all.

So did I solve a problem or create a whole new one?

Categories: #Photography, Anecdote, dogs, House and home, Humor

Tags: #Photography, Bedroom, blackets, dogs on beds, House and home, Marilyn Armstrong, Super Kind-Sized bedding