“Shut up. Can’t you kids ever stop squabbling back there? I’m going to put both of you on a time out, I swear I am.”
“But MOM, he TOUCHED ME!”
“Loretta, I am going to touch you. Then you’ll have a good reason to cry. Joey, leave your sister alone.”
Voice of boy child with strong adenoidal whine: “But MOOOOOOM, she’s taking up the whole back seat and I can’t help touching her. Anyway, why can’t I touch her? She touches me all the time.”
“She does what??”
“I do not”
In a whisper: “Do too.”
A booming baritone from the front seat, the Voice of Dad, speaks: “One more word out of either of you and I will stop this car and you will both be crying and you’ll have a damned good reason.”
(Pause, wait, longer pause)
The sound of vomiting fills the car along with a sickening and pungent odor.
“Ew. Yuk. MOM he barfed all over me! Make him clean it up.”
“ARE WE THERE YET?”
This show has been brought to you by Happy Family, the breakfast cereal that’s got it all: sugar, food dye, trans-fat, and gluten.
And no, we are not there yet.