LOST IN SPACE – GARRY ARMSTRONG

THE CONTINUING SAGA OF MISSING ITEMS

This is not Sci-Fi. It’s true. No names or places have been changed for dramatic purposes. Things are, in plain sight, vanishing and it’s becoming unnerving.

I’m innocent! I didn’t do nothin’!

First, it was my computer glasses. Kept in definite places, they vanished several weeks ago. I’ve searched myriad places – many times – including the dog’s crate where all kinds of stuff — dirty plates, cutlery, magazines, TV remotes, hearing aid batteries, flash lights and Q-tips are stored beneath the Duke’s blankets which he frequently rearranges while maintaining the look of a perp with a long rap sheet. But no computer glasses were to be found. Duke maintained an injured look of innocence when queried.

That was just the beginning. Marilyn is missing a pair of green turquoise earrings. They are normally stashed in a carefully placed jewelry box in our bedroom. A jewel thief in Uxbridge? It doesn’t seem likely in our small town where hub caps and monkey wrenches are high ticket objects for local felons. Again, thorough searches in the tiniest corners of our house turned up nothing but dust, forgotten pills, old pens and rusty staples. Duke doesn’t favor earrings.

Inside the crate chaos reigns — but nothing lost was found. Yet.

I lurched into old age paranoia. I figured we were misplacing things and forgetting where they had been placed. It happens often enough so it’s a very plausible theory. But it wasn’t just me. Owen has his own list of forever-lost items, many of them small tools. The list of MIA objects keeps growing. Next, a favorite coffee cup which always sat in the kitchen closet or living room table. It vanished without a clue. We took to searching our trash and recycling bins. Dirty work that provided no answers.

Annoyance turned to nervous laughter as we crosschecked our lost items lists. Next, Marilyn lost a nightgown which she had, moments earlier, held in her hands. She checked everywhere. The laundry basket, all her closets and drawers, the washer and dryer. The nightgown was MIA. Duke doesn’t wear nightgowns. It’s not his thing. He just grinned when we looked at him.

Maybe it’s with Duke’s heap of toys?

We were watching the Evening News. The Ukraine situation and grumbling about the political idiots as Marilyn jotted down notes of critical interest involving health care maintenance. She’d spent yet another long day dealing with a shady HMO which is gouging the prices for generic prescriptions. In the blink of a second, the paper with Marilyn’s notes vanished — without a trace. I know what you are thinking but NO — it wasn’t on the floor or tucked in the corner of the sofa. It was gone! More mumbling laced with frustrated profanities.

Duke retreated into his cage lest he be blamed for another lost item. He offered some low moans, hoping to garner sympathy from his perplexed humans but we were in their own mental dog house.

No one believe poor Duke

We are more than a month into this mystery of things vanishing. A sliver of good news. As we search, we clean those nooks and crannies. They were deeply covered with dust and debris, filthy with the ignorance of time and interest as we searched for the MIA. We wonder what will disappear next. We do not even count the socks that disappear when laundry is done.

Still not guilty

Some may think is much ado about nothing. But there is a pattern here and things just keep disappearing without rhyme or reason.

Maybe it’s time to sing “Kumbaya” or “Nearer My God To Thee.” Duke is just smiling.



Categories: Anecdote, dogs, Garry Armstrong, House and home, Humor, Legal Matters, Pets, Photography

24 replies

  1. Oh dear, Garry. Although you have made light of this Iā€™m sure it is most annoying to lose glasses and notes, among other things. The squirrels are a possibility.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Even if WE failed to notice squirrels, you can bet your bottom dollar that the Duke would absolutely notice the squirrels. He is one of those dogs that in the presence of squirrels goes a little bit crazy. he will never catch one, but oh how he wants to get get hold of one. It will never happen. the squirrels have him on their radar. They’ve got his number.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Anonymous, yes, it is MOST annoying. Fortunately, I have bifocal glasses which I can use for the computer. But it is — again — annoying. The bifocals aren’t comfortable for computer work. Whatever!
      I’m keeping an eye on those squirrels.
      I think Duke is considering a lawyer. I can’t blame him.

      Like

  2. Duke must be hiding them all somewhere. šŸ˜€ šŸ˜€ Great post Garry.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Garry and Marilyn. Quite mysterious! Who has been in your house? The stove installers and anyone else? Note I am not blaming the stove installers or any other workmen. I have experienced a couple of mysterious disappearances. In one case, a package of lamb chops and a pair of small earrings . The investor found the lamb chops in the freezer of my next door neighbor – who had climbed from his 5th floor balcony onto mine and then entered. In another case, I caught a skeevy mover pocketing a pair of underpants in the act. A trophy for him. Marilyn’s nightie could be someone else’s trophy. Just saying. And maybe change your locks. Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Our memories play tricks on us. I lost my watch once. I was very upset because David had given it to me. it turned up a week or so later in my dressing gown pocket. The dressing gown I wore every day. Obviously, I put it there but I have no memory of having done so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tas, you are right. Our memories do play tricks. More and more as time goes by. What’s next?

      I recall an old radio drama favorite from my youth — “Mr. Keene, Tracer of Lost Persons/Things”. I wonder if Mr. Keene or his successors are still in business.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Are you sure you don’t have any squirrels playing guest inside the house?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah, Slmret! Next to the Duke, those squirrels are on our persons of interest list. Right now, they’re busy, duking it out with the birds for breakfast chow on our back porch. Do you think the birds launder the squirrels stolen loot? Thanks for the tip – we’ll keep an eye on those squirrels.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I haven’t seen any magpies on your feeders!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I don’t think we have magpies here. In theory, we could but they aren’t forest dwellers. They like open grassland and fields. I’ve never seen one except in pictures. They might show up some day, but we don’t get crows very often either — and crows are very closely related. Sometimes, crows show up in a huge flock and stay for a minute or two, but they don’t come to our feeders. I have to assume it’s because we are woodland and they are very open field birds. Crows, similarly, also like open grasslands and fields.

          Liked by 1 person

        • MAGPIES — 12 O’Clock High!

          Liked by 1 person

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