THE CONTINUING SAGA OF MISSING ITEMS

This is not Sci-Fi. It’s true. No names or places have been changed for dramatic purposes. Things are, in plain sight, vanishing and it’s becoming unnerving.

First, it was my computer glasses. Kept in definite places, they vanished several weeks ago. I’ve searched myriad places – many times – including the dog’s crate where all kinds of stuff — dirty plates, cutlery, magazines, TV remotes, hearing aid batteries, flash lights and Q-tips are stored beneath the Duke’s blankets which he frequently rearranges while maintaining the look of a perp with a long rap sheet. But no computer glasses were to be found. Duke maintained an injured look of innocence when queried.

That was just the beginning. Marilyn is missing a pair of green turquoise earrings. They are normally stashed in a carefully placed jewelry box in our bedroom. A jewel thief in Uxbridge? It doesn’t seem likely in our small town where hub caps and monkey wrenches are high ticket objects for local felons. Again, thorough searches in the tiniest corners of our house turned up nothing but dust, forgotten pills, old pens and rusty staples. Duke doesn’t favor earrings.

I lurched into old age paranoia. I figured we were misplacing things and forgetting where they had been placed. It happens often enough so it’s a very plausible theory. But it wasn’t just me. Owen has his own list of forever-lost items, many of them small tools. The list of MIA objects keeps growing. Next, a favorite coffee cup which always sat in the kitchen closet or living room table. It vanished without a clue. We took to searching our trash and recycling bins. Dirty work that provided no answers.

Annoyance turned to nervous laughter as we crosschecked our lost items lists. Next, Marilyn lost a nightgown which she had, moments earlier, held in her hands. She checked everywhere. The laundry basket, all her closets and drawers, the washer and dryer. The nightgown was MIA. Duke doesn’t wear nightgowns. It’s not his thing. He just grinned when we looked at him.

We were watching the Evening News. The Ukraine situation and grumbling about the political idiots as Marilyn jotted down notes of critical interest involving health care maintenance. She’d spent yet another long day dealing with a shady HMO which is gouging the prices for generic prescriptions. In the blink of a second, the paper with Marilyn’s notes vanished — without a trace. I know what you are thinking but NO — it wasn’t on the floor or tucked in the corner of the sofa. It was gone! More mumbling laced with frustrated profanities.

Duke retreated into his cage lest he be blamed for another lost item. He offered some low moans, hoping to garner sympathy from his perplexed humans but we were in their own mental dog house.

We are more than a month into this mystery of things vanishing. A sliver of good news. As we search, we clean those nooks and crannies. They were deeply covered with dust and debris, filthy with the ignorance of time and interest as we searched for the MIA. We wonder what will disappear next. We do not even count the socks that disappear when laundry is done.

Some may think is much ado about nothing. But there is a pattern here and things just keep disappearing without rhyme or reason.

Maybe it’s time to sing “Kumbaya” or “Nearer My God To Thee.” Duke is just smiling.

Categories: Anecdote, dogs, Garry Armstrong, House and home, Humor, Legal Matters, Pets, Photography