I don’t talk much about the “reality” of having cancer. It’s not the same for everyone. I had it twice, once for each breast and each was unrelated to the other. It was relatively minor for me other than the drugs and the surgery, but I never faced death. I knew mine would remit. The lymph nodes were not attacked, the tumors were on the small side and not aggressive. The bigger one in my right breast was the size of a small lemon and the other was half that size. I was assured they were slow-growing but at the same time, I was also warned that it only took a single wandering cell to make it grow somewhere else — probably my lungs.

I had a choice between two complete mastectomies or having the tumors removed and leaving the rest of the breast intact.

I had highly cystic breasts. Figuring out what might be cancer and what was “benign” would be very difficult. I had the mastectomies.

To keep the hours of surgery down, I had two surgeons working, one on each side, then two plastic surgeons creating “new” fake breasts. A previous hospital had told me they couldn’t have implants because I had so much scarring from earlier surgeries. I went to a better hospital with more experienced doctors.

Seek out the best, most-experienced surgeons you can find. Try to find one who has done hundreds of surgeries like yours. This is not the time to give a newbie her first opportunity. And find a surgeon who listens.

The odds of my getting cancer in both breasts at the same time were staggeringly small. I pointed out that I probably didn’t get them at the same time. I had one and over the years after my doctor forgot to send me for a mammogram, I grew the second.

Breast cancer is about as common for women as prostate cancer is for men. There’s a theory that if you live long enough, you will get it. Men get breast cancer too, by the way. It often gets missed. Men aren’t trained to feel for lumps.

When I woke up from surgery, I already had two breast implants in place. This was an act of extraordinary generosity by my plastic surgeon and her associate. Usually they wait for the original surgery to heal, but they felt I needed to be able to look at myself and know I was still a woman. I am deeply grateful. With all the other madness you are going through with cancer, it is good to have surgeons who are also concerned with how you feel about your body.

They don’t keep you long in American hospitals. There’s a rumor that it’s because insurance companies don’t want to pay the money, but the true reason is that there are so many diseases in hospitals that the moment they can get you out of there, they send you home. I’m not talking about poverty stricken hospitals out in the country, but top-notch research and surgical facilities. They want you to leave healthier than when you arrived — and that means getting you out as fast as possible. Also, the odds of your getting edible food are better at home — even if it comes out of a can.

Honestly, I don’t remember much. I know I was in pain, but I was taking so many drugs, my brain was not working well.

It has been thirteen years since the original surgery. I have no sign of regrowth, but that doesn’t mean much. Because of the heart surgery and my metal pacemaker, I can’t have another MRI, so it could have spread. My grandparents, on my mother’s side, both died of pancreatic cancer as did my brother. Just because you’ve had one kind of cancer doesn’t mean you can’t get another. My first husband had kidney cancer, but died of heart disease. It’s all a game of craps. Some of us get everything yet we live on for many years. Others seem completely healthy, get one bout of pneumonia and die.

What’s the moral? Be nice. You just don’t know what’s coming around the corner for you — or anyone else.

For anyone struggling with cancer or heart disease, within the realm of reason, follow your doctor’s orders. If you don’t feel the treatment you are getting is working, speak up. Sometimes medications make you so sick, so you have change them. If you don’t tell your doctor, he or she may not realize things aren’t going well. When they ask how you feel, tell them. They need to hear from you. Sometimes small things which might not seem important may be more important than you realize.

None of us want pity, but all of us want support, sympathy, and kindness. As a friend, if you don’t know what to say, you aren’t alone. Serious illness often leaves us speechless. Mostly, be there. Listen, try to not be too grim. Don’t act like it’s “no big deal.” It IS a big deal. Your job as a friend is to figure out what your friend needs, what will make her less troubled.

Mostly, BE there. Even if you have nothing to say, be there.

Categories: #Health, Medical, You can't make this stuff up, Anecdote, Hospital

Tags: Cancer, hospitals, Marilyn Armstrong, medical history, post operative care, surgeons, Surgery