THE UNPRECEDENTED USE OF THE WORD UNPRECEDENTED IS TRULY UNPRECEDENTED – BY TOM CURLEY

Ever notice how sometimes you begin to notice something you never really noticed before? Whatever it was, it was there all the time, from the beginning. You just never noticed it.

Damn. He’s right there!

For example: you buy a new car, say … a Prius. You never paid any attention to them before. But now you have one. Suddenly, you notice there are hundreds of them everywhere. Every time you are on the road you see dozens of Priuses. Where the hell did they all come from? Why are zillions of people suddenly going out and buying a Prius?

The answer is of course, they were there all along. There is a reason this happens. There’s a part of your brain called the Reticular Formation. It does a lot of things. But the most interesting one is that it acts as a filter for useless stuff.

You take in everything around you with your eyes, ears, nose, and so on, but most of it is not worth your paying attention to it. So your brain blocks it out. It also filters out stuff that happens again and again. This is why people in the city can sleep with all the traffic noise. After a while, your brain ignores it. But, when something breaks through that guard post, you see or hear it all the time.

Which brings me to the word unprecedented.

Since this whole Trump Train Wreck started, the use of “unprecedented” has become, well, unprecedented. I hear it dozens of times every day. Almost always on the news or late-night talk shows, but also from friends. I use it myself all the time.

But think about the meaning of word. It means something that has never happened before, yet every day, we use the word. Because everyday, something which  has never happened before, happens. Every single day!

The world is a few billion years old. Lots of shit has happened. I mean really, a lot of shit. You’d think pretty much everything that could happen, has happened. Before Cheesy McCheese Head came down the ‘golden escalator of doom,’ we used to say things like:


“Those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them.”

“History might not repeat itself, but it sure does rhyme a lot.”

“Don’t run with scissors!”


But today all you hear is “UNPRECEDENTED.” Sometimes you hear synonyms of the word, like bizarre, uncommon, unheard-of, aberrant, or abnormal. But mostly, it’s just “unprecedented”.

My question is “how does he do it?” How can every day bring a new insanity nobody imagined could — or would — ever happen? How is he creating so much … unprecedentedness?

Is that a word? If not, I’m claiming it. My trademark word. Back off Colbert!

I think the answer has to do with a thing called “social norms.” These are rules we live by. We didn’t learn them. We accept them and take them for granted. There are things you can or can’t do. More specifically, things that you shouldn’t, wouldn’t, or simply DON’T do. There aren’t any laws saying you can’t do that thing, but you know — everybody knows — you are not supposed to do it.

There’s no law saying you can’t deliberately let out a big fart in a crowded elevator, but the vast majority of humans realize it’s not a good idea. So, they don’t do it.

There’s no law against running with scissors, but we know we shouldn’t do it. (Seriously, don’t do that. You could put an eye out.)

A subset of social norms would be political norms. There are things you are supposed to do. Kiss babies, wear an American Flag lapel pin, release your tax returns. Stuff like that. Of course, there were other things politicians know they were not supposed to do. If they did, their careers were over. It used to be things like saying fuck in public, or making fun of a handicapped person.

Or molesting children.

Do any of these things and they’d be gone. There aren’t any laws saying you can or can’t do this stuff. Wait a minute –let me change that. There absolutely are laws against molesting children. But what with reality shifting so often, who knows for sure?

You simply knew to do or not do those things. It was part of being human, part of society. It went with stuff like the peaceful transition of power every four years, having only one President at a time, and having a President putting all his money in a blind trust while in office.

Those kinds of things.

But our current SCROTUS believes if it ain’t illegal, fuck it. He’ll do it. Political norms mean nothing to this asshole. No ethics, no compassion, no “for the good of the country.”


Release my tax returns? Fuck you.

You can’t hire your kids? Watch me.

Conflicts of interest? Kiss my ass.


Think about it. Nobody, including most constitutional scholars, had ever heard of, or really paid any attention to the emoluments clause which is 49 words in Article I of the Constitution.


“No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince, or foreign State.


Notice that this is part of the beginning (Article I) of the Constitution. It clearly says a President can’t accept any kind of gift or bribe. And until now, no President since Washington would have dreamed of doing such a stupid thing!



CONSTITUTION: You can’t take a bribe or any kind of gift.

TRUMP: Oh yeah? Hold my beer.


We have a person occupying the White House, who — last week — admitted in a Tweet that he obstructed justice. His lawyer’s response? Trump can’t break the law. He is the law. Above the law. Meanwhile, until — yesterday? the day before? — I’m pretty sure being a pedophile was worse than being a liberal Democrat. Guess what? Not anymore!

So basically, he has ruined social norms. He’s destroyed political norms. He’s broken all the rules and he’s getting away with it. So, from now on, we’re going to have to make everything a law. Everything. You farted in a crowded elevator? You have the right to remain silent (and deadly).

So, thanks SCROTUS. You ruined it for everybody! This is why we can’t have nice things!

Now that you’ve read this, the number of times you notice the word unprecedented will be, well, unprecedented.

LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND EVERYTHING … IS JUST A REALITY TV SHOW – BY TOM CURLEY

I wrote a post a while back called Unhinged, Unfit and Unbelievable.  Actually, I wrote it about 10 minutes ago.  But who knows when this will actually air. In it, I was pointing out that in our current surreal reality, we are all looking at the trees and not seeing the forest. The trees are becoming crazier and crazier and the forest is aflame with the fires of pure insanity.

Well that doesn’t look good.

But then I realized that there was a bigger forest. The universe. That’s where the crazy comes from. But why? Why is the universe so … weird?


Some physicists think our universe is a 3-dimensional hologram being produced by the 2-dimensional surface of a really big black hole.


That’s weird.

But I think the real answer is even weirder.  The universe is just a big, really, really big reality show. And this is how it came about.

Consider God. Or whatever you perceive as God. Buddha, Allah, Universal Consciousness, a guy named Phil. Whatever. This being/entity is all-knowing, all-seeing. Omniscient, omnipresent. He/she/it is the entire universe. So — what is it like being that … Supreme Being?

Well, for the first few billion years it’s fun. Creating things like stars and planets and nebulae. Then blowing them up and making new stars and planets and nebulae. Cool stuff. But at some point, you wake up one day and go “So, what do I do today.” You realize that you haven’t invented days, so you do so. That takes a week. And then you wake up and realize … you’re bored. “What do I do today?”

Oh yeah, I already know. I’ve done it all, I know it all. Damn. This is really getting old.”

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So, he/she/it has an idea. “I know, I’ll create all sorts of sentient, or sort of sentient life forms. I’ll put them on billions of planets and give them free will. They can do anything they want. Good, bad or just stupid. (Note to self. Invent Good and Bad.) I have no idea what any of them will do.

I could interfere, but I won’t. That would spoil the fun.

Over 100 trillion channels and there’s nothing on worth watching.

And then he/she/it just started sitting back and watching. The unfit, unhinged and unbelievable reality show called the universe. Lately he/she/it is watching us a lot. I imagine God and Jesus sitting in front of a really big TV screen with billions of feeds from billions of worlds. Right now, they are focused on our feed.

JESUS: Damn Dad. You put me through all that shit just to end up with these jack asses?

GOD: Sorry, my bad. Guess I didn’t really think that one through.

We’ll just change the channel.

 

 

UNHINGED, UNFIT, AND UNBELIEVABLE – BY TOM CURLEY

I’ve learned to write thoughts down when I have them these days. Mostly because I’ll forget those thoughts ten seconds after I have them. Unless I’m really stoned. Then I forget them about three and half seconds after I have them. I look at them the next day and usually have one of three reactions.

  1. What the hell was I thinking?
  2. Damn I was really stoned.
  3. Ha, that’s not bad.

The number threes usually become a post. I was looking over my notes and one was just the headline Unhinged, Unfit and Unbelievable. I  wanted to step back and get an overview of what’s been happening since the archetypical “drunk Uncle/racist Grandpa/senile parent/total asshole, ascended to the Oval Office.

For the last two years we’ve all been so focused on the trees, we’ve lost sight of the forest. And the forest is seriously fucked up.

Well that doesn’t look good.

People these days are saying we are in a new civil war. You know, like the one  that we had few years back. The war where Americans, neighbors and brothers, went to war and killed each other over their differing beliefs. In their case, slavery. And to all of you out there now going “NO, it was about State’s rights”, shut the fuck up. It was about slavery.

But is what we have today really like the Civil War?  I’m beginning to think if those folks, those Union and Confederate soldiers were here today, seeing what is going on they would say:


“Are you kidding me??”


They may have disagreed on whether slavery was good or bad, but at least they all agreed that slavery existed!

Today’s civil war is about reality, that is “what IS reality?” Really. It’s 2017. There are still people who truly believe the Earth is flat.

There are still people who believe that we didn’t land on the moon. Despite all evidence to the contrary or maybe because of it. 

And  there are still people who believe that Donald Trump and Roy Moore are not serial sexual abusers. Even though they have both been accused of abuse by many, many women. And both have been accused of abusing CHILDREN!

Pedophiles.

And before you start screaming fake news, Trump was accused of raping a 14-year-old girl. She was going to file a lawsuit, but didn’t because one week before the election, she was getting so many death threats from Trump supporters, she changed her mind. She feared for her life.

You can check it out. I know this because I was working at CBS the day the announcement was supposed to be made. I was watching the feed from the lawyer’s office. All the media was there. It was going to be the blockbuster story of the day. Then her lawyer came out and said she was dropping the lawsuit because she was afraid for her life.

Now to the unbelievable parts, the excuses supporters of Roy Moore have been giving. These go beyond unbelievable and beyond unhinged.

  1. “The Virgin Mary was a teenager and Joseph was in his 30’s. So Roy Moore is just being biblical.
  2. Roy Moore went to Vietnam. When he got back, all the women his age were married. So only teenagers were “pure” enough for him.
  3. Lots of those 14-year-old girls looked like they were 20.”
  4. “Ringo Starr sang a song called ‘You’re sixteen, you’re beautiful, and you’re mine.’ And he was 33. Are you dissing Ringo Starr?”

These are his supporters’ real excuses.

Number 4, that last one was also real. I did NOT MAKE THAT UP!

I picked this one as the winner.


“I don’t know if he did it. But even if he did, he’s better than a Democrat.”


Really?

Democrats are so bad, that a PEDOPHILE is a better choice? We are worse than CHILD MOLESTERS? Who, in their right mind would say that? Oh, yeah. THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!

Democrats bad. Child Molesters good.

This is the forest in which we now live. Thirty percent of our trees are BATSHIT FUCKING CRAZY. Most of them claim to be: “Evangelical Christians.” I put that in quotes because there many other Christians who also think these folks are insane.

In the old days, when the forest wasn’t on fire with the flames of insanity, right-wing folks used to call us “Tax and Spend Liberals.”  That was supposed to explain everything that’s wrong with the left/Democrats/Liberals.

That particular “insult” has always driven me crazy. “Tax and spend” is an explanation of what a government does. Governments need to run a country. It costs money to do that, so they have to make money. How? They tax the people who live in the country. Are there other ways to raise money? Sure.

The U.S. government could hold bake sales. They could take in laundry. But to cover the trillion-dollar budgets we have these days, not to mention the trillions of dollars of debt we are in, the government would have to sell a shit load of cookies and take in all the laundry in the world — and it still wouldn’t cover their nut.

So instead, we have taxes. The government collects taxes. Then, they spend those taxes. That’s their job. The only remaining questions is who is going to pay the taxes? How much will they pay? And exactly  for what will those taxes be used?

So yes. I am a tax and spend liberal. As opposed to the “no taxes and but spend anyway” Republican cohort. I freely admit this. In this reality, am I worse than a pedophile? Seriously?

In the great ether, two ghosts are watching. One, dressed in blue, is Union. And the other, dressed in gray or butternut, is a Confederate. They are looking down on our mess and saying:


“Damn, you guys are seriously fucked up.


 

REACTING, REACTIONARIES AND RIDICULOUSNESS – BY TOM CURLEY

I went to work yesterday. It’s something I don’t do much anymore. I retired a few years ago, so I work part-time. This year, I’ve only worked five days out of the whole year. I’m a director for CBS News in New York City and work at the CBS Broadcast Center. It’s a big place. Takes up an entire city block.

I’ve worked there for more than 40 years. These days, I work less and less. Increasingly, I’ve noticed how things have changed at CBS. Not for the better. A few months back I came into work and noticed this billboard in the lobby.

Yeah, we have to point out the obvious these days. But yesterday I noticed this as I was leaving the men’s room.

THE MEN’S ROOM. I went to a few other men’s rooms. They all had deadbolts on the inside, too.


This is the world we live in these days.


A while back I read a story about how a mother went into their bathroom. Her pre-school daughter was standing on the toilet seat. It was so cute she took a picture of it.

Then she asked her daughter why she was doing that. You know what she said? She said she was practicing because that is what you are supposed to do at school when the shooters come.


This is the world we live in today.


Every time there is a mass murder in this country, stocks in gun companies go through the roof. Why? Gun nuts are afraid that we are going to pass gun legislation and they have to collect all the guns they can while they last. This, despite the fact that our government has NEVER EVER passed any kind of realistic gun control laws. Nor is there any indication they ever will.


This is the world we live in today.


CBS has a reputation for overreacting to things. Especially terrorist types of things. After the attack on Charlie Hedbo in Paris, they put electronic locks on every door in the Broadcast Center. Except the bathrooms. For any other room, you needed a coded key card. Even to get into your own office — or anywhere else, for that matter.

My office.


This is the world we live in today.


At this point, I have to confess that I’m a little disappointed in myself with this particular post. I usually try to see the humor in the insanity of the world we live in today. But I’m not coming up with anything this time.

Instead I’ll tell you a story. A true story. It happened a long time ago. It’s sort of related. It turns out that CBS has a long history of being worried about terrorism. In the late 70’s I was an engineer for WCBS-FM in New York.

WCBS-FM was famous for creating the “Oldies” format. They are still using it to this day.

That was a great job. I spent 8 hours or more every day playing rock and roll music. The job didn’t suck.

Our General Manager, as it turned out, was ahead of his time. He had a bit of an obsession with terrorists. Back then, there weren’t many terrorist attacks. There was the Munich attack at the 1972 Olympics, but really nothing in America. None the less, our GM was convinced terrorists might attack WCBS-FM. Why?

Nobody knew. Too much Chuck Berry? Not enough Chuck Berry? Didn’t they know they could just call the request line?

Who knows?

Anyway, he instructed our Chief Engineer, a great guy named Torchy, to install a big button on the central equipment rack in our control room.

If you pushed the button, it would shut down the transmitter located at the top of the Empire State Building.Apparently, the scenario he envisioned was as the terrorists broke into the control room and shot me in the back, I would reach up with my blood-stained hand. Using my last breath on Earth, I would push the button and deny the terrorists any more Chuck Berry.

Give me more Chuck Berry!

Torchy explained to the GM how this was illegal. Back then, you needed what was called an FCC First Class License to operate a transmitter. Not everybody in the control room had one. The GM ordered Torchy to do it anyway. So, he did. There it was. A big button right in the middle of the control room.

Now, you have to understand: I was an engineer. My job was — literally — pushing buttons. I wanted to push that button. I really, really wanted to push the button. But, of course, I couldn’t. If I pushed it, I’d take a multi-million-dollar radio station off the air. This would have been frowned upon. So, for more than two years I lived with the button. That God-Damned, untouched button.

Then it happened.

It was Sunday night around 3 AM. I was working the overnight shift. Probably obvious, in that I was there at 3 AM. The private tech phone rang. Which was unusual because I was the only technical person there. Hell, I was the only person there. I answered it. A voice at the other end said he was the engineer on duty over at the transmitter at the Empire State Building.

He said, “Do you guys have a kill button for the transmitter over there?” I said yes, we do. He said, “press it.” I said I couldn’t do that. It would take us off the air.

He then said “Oh for Christ’s sake. Just push the fucking button.” And there it was. I was gonna get to push the button! The forbidden button. The only one I never pushed. I relished the moment. I reached up, and  I pushed the button

The engineer said “Yeah, I didn’t think the thing actually worked.” And then, he hung up the phone.

I was in shock. I went behind the rack and looked at the back of the button.  There were no wires hooked up to it! The next day I told Torchy about what happened. He said “I told the GM it was illegal. He wanted a button, so I gave him a button. I knew nobody would ever test it.”

True story. Really happened.

Those were the days. No deadbolts on bathroom doors. Little girls didn’t stand on toilet seats. Big buttons which didn’t do anything solved our problems.


That was the world we lived in back then.


THE REALITY SWITCH – BY TOM CURLEY

Marilyn asked me to dig this one up from the archives. It took me a while to find it. It was written eight months ago. If I didn’t tell you this you would swear it was brand new. Unless you don’t swear. But really, who doesn’t swear? At least once in a while. There was my Aunt Helen, no wait. She could cuss like sailor …

Sorry, I got distracted.

I think if we suggested this now, everybody would go along with it. Including the idiot-in-chief. It’s the “get out of the White House without going to jail card”  he’s been looking for. The “get out of this insane reality card” we’ve all been waiting for.


I figured it out!

The solution!

To reality!

This reality!

This reality TV reality!


The problem is not so much that we are living in a reality TV reality. The problem is that we’re living in a REALLY BAD reality TV reality. Face it, it’s just not working folks.

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Do you know what does work? Fictional TV reality! Think about it. There’s a show on TV today called “Designated Survivor.” In it, the whole U.S. government is blown up during a State of the Union Address.  The Executive Branch, the Congress, the Supreme Court, all gone. The one cabinet member that has to stay home becomes the President. He has to rebuild the entire government from the ground up. And while he’s doing that, there’s a mysterious cabal,  the ones responsible  for blowing everybody up, that’s also trying to take over the country. In spite of all that, their government and their President are doing a hell of a lot better job than ours!

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So here’s what we do.  Let’s just switch realities! It’s a win-win for everybody. How do we do this? Simple.

First: The current administration leaves the government and instead, goes on real TV 24 hours a day. On Fox News. They all go to work on sets that look just like Washington, D.C.  They do the exact same things they do now. It will be just like on  “Big Brother”. Only bigger. And on Fox News.

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They can pass laws, write executive orders, cancel health insurance for the whole nation, cut taxes for billionaires, eliminate “Meals On Wheels” or just kick puppies. Whatever they want! And here’s the best part. Trump supporters won’t be upset because they only watch Fox News. As far as they’ll be concerned, everything is normal.

It just isn’t real.

“And it’s only on Fox.”

Second: OK, great you say. But what about real reality? Who’s going to be the real President? The real cabinet?

Here’s who. Real honest to God fictional ones.

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And the cool part is, we have a lot of options. We have lots of choices for President. We could have Jeb Bartlett. He was a great President. Don’t believe me? Watch “The West Wing.” It’s on Netflix, the whole series, all seven seasons.

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We’ve got Dennis Haysbert. I’m pretty sure he was President twice.

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We’ve got Morgan Freeman. Not only was he President, but he was also God!

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And the list goes on. Michael Douglas, Kevin Kline, Jack Nicholson, Peter Sellers … (Oh, for God’s sake, Google the rest.) You get my point.

Now, appointing a cabinet becomes fun!

Secretary of State? How about Tia Leoni? She’s already Secretary of State and seems to be doing a pretty decent job of it. Every Sunday. Let’s give her the job for the rest of the week.

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Attorney General? Julianna Margulies. She’s a lawyer, ran for State’s Attorney and by almost all accounts, is a good wife.

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Secretary of Defense? Well I admit, at first, I was leaning toward Schwarzenegger or Stallone. Then it hit me.

CHUCK NORRIS! Think about it. We could cut the military budget down to nothing. Nobody’s going to go to war with us. Nobody fucks with Chuck Norris!

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ISIS COMMANDER: We will destroy America!

ISIS GUY WATCHING THE NEWS: Sir, America just made Chuck Norris Secretary of Defense.

ISIS COMMANDER:  Shit.


(Insert favorite Chuck Norris joke here. My favorite? Chuck Norris once counted to infinity. Twice.)

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Department of Education? The cast of Sesame Street.

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Depart of Health and Human Services? Pick any of the stern but kindly Chiefs of Staff from the medical show of your choice. Any one of them will do just fine. (Except for Dr. Zorba. I’m pretty sure he’s dead.) (Extra points if you get that reference.)

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Department of Housing? Chris Rock. OK, he really doesn’t have any more qualifications for the job than Ben Carson does. But I just like the guy. He’s funny.

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(If you get that reference, you get double extra points.) I could go on, but you get the point.

How do we do this? Simple. We have an election. Not the usual kind. Between voter suppression, low turnouts, gerrymandering, and the Electoral College, our elections are not working out well.  I mean, seriously — that’s how we got into this mess to begin with.

So what do we do? We have an election the same way reality TV shows do it. Everybody gets to vote from their smartphone, their computer, their tablet, or Android device. You can email or text your vote. You are only allowed to vote up to 20 times on any given device. You can vote up until 10 pm Eastern Standard Time. (Text and messaging fees may apply.)

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Granted, this will fire up the Millennials and confuse the hell out of old folks. Maybe it’s unfair, but it’s still better than the Electoral College. We can set up March Madness style brackets and have an election every week for maybe a month until we get a winner. More office pools!

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And we, the people, elect everybody. The President doesn’t get to appoint his cabinet. We do.


It’s Democracy at work!

And it could work!


As a cheese-faced person who somehow actually became President of the United States said to a bunch of totally incredulous Black people a while back:

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“Give it a try. What have you got to lose?”


FACTS, FAKE NEWS AND FACEBOOK – BY TOM CURLEY

As the drip, drip, drip of the Russia investigation is turning into a torrential downpour, the news cycle has been diverted to another story.

It appears the Republican Senate candidate in Alabama is a PEDOPHILE! A guy who had, or tried to have sex with CHILDREN!!

The facts are damning. The case against him is solid. So solid, in fact, most Republicans in Congress have come out against him and said he should drop out of the race. So, who isn’t denouncing him? Well, SCROTUS of course. What a surprise. Plus a whole bunch of Alabama Republican voters. The excuses some of them have come up with are mind-boggling.

How about: “Mary was under age. Joseph was much older, so Roy Moore is just being biblical.” Yes, that is real. I did not make it up. They also said “He might be a child-molester, but at least he’s not a Democrat.” That’s real, too.

My first thought at this was, is there no line that can’t be crossed with these people? Is there nothing this guy could do that would make them say “Enough. I’m out!”  Kill a puppy? Torture a kitten? Eat a baby?

But then I realized that the most probable reason they think the way they do is because they don’t believe the news reports. It’s all “fake news.” We live in a bizarre world where if people read news they don’t like, they refuse to believe it. Why?

Well, I think it’s mostly because of Facebook, Twitter and other social media. Most people get their news these days from social media. Not newspapers, not cable news, not network news, not local news. Just Facebook.

And where does the news on Facebook come from? Mostly from people on Facebook. All those folks sharing and sending stories they see on Facebook to their friends. Email is also a popular way to propagate “the new News”. I think the reason that this new “News” delivery system has been so successful is because you get the stories from your friends.

People you know.

There is only one small problem here. YOUR FRIENDS DIDN’T WRITE THE STORIES!

They just pass them along. 99.9% of them don’t check to see if they are actually true. It only takes about 30 seconds to go to snopes.com to see if a story is true, but almost nobody ever does it.

Unless your friend is an actual reporter you should take anything you read online with a grain of salt. Some with a grain of salt the size of a grapefruit.

That’s a lot of salt!


Here’s a sad fact. Almost all the stuff you see online is not true.


There is no pill, cream or exercise that will make your penis larger. There is no program from Bill Gates, Disney, or any other company that is donating five dollars to a cancer charity every time you forward an email.

You are not going to lose 50 pounds in two days using “This belly busting miracle food!” Nor is there a Nigerian Prince who is going to send you 25 million dollars. Did I mention there is nothing that’s going to make your penis larger?

Your friends mean well, but they’re your friends. They are not journalists.

The Russians managed to send fake stories to over 120 million Americans using Facebook. Mostly because people shared and tweeted those fake stories. Facebook is like the 9-year-old friend who knew everything about everything you had when you were nine. You believed every word he said. And he was always full of shit.

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Try this as a general rule on whether or not the story might be true. If you read it on social media, check out where the story actually came from, not who sent it to you. 

News is news. It’s supposed to be factual reporting on what is going on in the world. It’s not supposed to be what you would like to be going on in the world.

P.S.: If you pass this blog along to at least ten people, absolutely nothing good or bad will happen to you, but it sounds like a good idea to me.

TURNS OUT YOU DON’T ACTUALLY NEED A PRESIDENT – BY TOM CURLEY

I wrote this post months ago. It was originally called “It’s A Crazy Idea, But It Just Might Work”.  I thought it was a joke, but, it turns out it’s working! Rather better than I thought it would. And now, with Trump back in the country … 


I’m not the first person to notice or comment on this, but  60 to 70 percent of Americans have been going thru the 5 Stages Of Grief after the election of, well, you know who.

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A few are still in Stage One, Denial. A lot are still in Stage Two, Anger. Most still seem to be stuck in Stage Three, Bargaining. Particularly the press. “Pivoting” and becoming “Presidential” are daily talking points.

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Many have reached Stage Four, Depression. A few have made it to Stage Five, Acceptance.  Now as any grief counselor will tell you, people go through these stages at different times and some go through some stages but not all.  For example, I’ve gone through the first four but I can’t get to the fifth. Unless disgust counts as acceptance.

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But here’s the thing.

No matter what stage of grief you are currently in, or whether you will go through all of them or just a few …

THIS GUY IS STILL

THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!!

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So, what are we going to do about it?

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We don’t have a lot of options, but one of our best options is the hope that he does nothing.

By which I mean NOTHING.

Nothing that’s Presidential, like “Running the Country” kind of stuff. Believe it or not, the government would survive if the President does nothing.  If you’ve ever worked for a large corporation you know that if the CEO goes on vacation for a month the company still runs just fine. Most times, even better.

The US government is a huge company and like any giant ship of state, it has a lot of inertia.

Our Ship of State (titanicstory.com)

Most government workers have worked there for decades. Their bosses come and go every four years, but they stay. They know what to do. George W Bush took 407 days of vacation during his two terms. That is one year, one month and 12 days of vacation for an 8-year job.  Looking back, would it have been so bad if he had taken even more time off?

crewof42.com

crewof42.com

So the problem becomes how do we prevent the new President from doing any “Running the Country” kind of stuff? In this case I don’t think it will be too hard. We, the American People need to KEEP HIM BUSY!

nytimes.com

nytimes.com

Think about it. For the first time ever, because of Twitter, a single individual can directly interact with the President of the United States and actually get his attention! He responds with amazing consistency. He must fight back over any “Mean Tweet”. “Mean Tweets” have occupied him from a few days to more than a week or so at a time.

youtube.com

youtube.com

So, we have to come up with “Mean Tweets.” Tweets that will cause him to retaliate.

Here’s an example:

@HeyLookOverHere! Hey Mister President! Why are your feet so small?! Why is nobody talking? Has the cover-up already started? SAD! #TinyPedaledPOTUS  #TeenyFeetInChief #TenLittleTinyPiggies

smosh.com

smosh.com

I checked this out on Snopes.com and it’s actually true!

There’s been  lots of talk and jokes made about the size of the New Commander In Chief’s hands.  But why has nobody noticed or mentioned his feet?  Turns out, they’re not that big! Proportional to the rest of his body, his feet are tiny!  According to the scales and tables set up by the “American Association of Podiatry Advisory and Measurements Board,” the President-elect’s feet are “… between 20 and 28 percent smaller than they should be for a person of his height.”

triloquist.net

triloquist.net

And people are starting to notice. People are saying they’ve heard that he buys shoes that are too big and stuffs them with paper ripped from the Wall Street Journal.

thefineyounggentleman.com

thefineyounggentleman.com

That should occupy him for a day or two. We have to all help by re-tweeting each week’s “Mean Tweet”. The more people that re-tweet a “Mean Tweet,” the more the President will notice. He pays close attention to this stuff!

politicususa.com

politicususa.com

It’s even better if the press picks up the “Mean Tweet”. That almost guarantees a rapid response from the Oval Office.

We all must work together! Organize! Come up with a schedule!! That’s the most important part. A schedule! We have  to keep him busy for four years.

purepursuitauto.com

purepursuitauto.com

But we’re Americans! We can do it!

We don’t have to stop at Twitter. Get him involved with Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat,

isys6621.com

isys6621.com

My Space!  (OK that last one’s a joke for the old folks.)

This is how the next four years have to go.

CHIEF OF STAFF:  Sir, the Ambassador from (fill in the blank) is here.

PRESIDENT: Leave me alone! I’m trying to pick the right default Instagram filter for all my pictures!

coolmaterial.com

coolmaterial.com

It’s a crazy plan, but it just might work!! And remember, any article or email or post you receive that starts with the statement: “I checked this on Snopes.com and it’s true” … ISN’T!

I obviously made up the story about his feet. But that’s no reason not to re-tweet it. Twitter has been his secret weapon and he’s been using it well. It can also be his kryptonite.

On a separate note, I’m sort of proud that I could write this whole blog without once actually typing the name Donald Trump.

 

pinterest.com

pinterest.com

Crap.