WE NEED A FIRST MOM – BY TOM CURLEY

Ellin wrote a post a while back called Arrogance and Ignorance. A Bad Combination. It got a lot of comments. One of the comments stuck with me.  “SW08” said we need a housewife and mother to run things. As I read it, I realized  that’s exactly what we need in the White House. We need a First Mom!

nytimes.com

She has all the skills needed to run a government. She balances budgets, makes sure everybody gets fed and she takes care of everybody when they are sick.  And she can handle children. Her duties would not just be confined to handling the Toddler-In-Chief. She’d be responsible for the all the “Little Rascals” in the West Wing.

carlanthonyonline


FIRST MOM: Donnie! Time to get up!

“Here we go.” flickr

FIRST TODDLER: I don’t wanna! I’m tired! I was up till 5AM sending out mean tweets about North Korea!

Pineterest

FIRST MOM: That’s not my problem. You are the President and you have to get up.

FIRST TODDLER: I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

datehookup.com

FIRST MOM: Hate me all you want.  I don’t care.  Now get up. Your breakfast is ready.

FIRST TODDLER: I want a breakfast Taco Bowl!

FIRST MOM: I don’t care what you want. You are getting last night’s vegetables.

commondreams.org

FIRST TODDLER: I hate vegetables! I wanna Taco Bowl!

FIRST MOM: I told you last night that if you didn’t finish your vegetables you’d be getting them for breakfast the next morning. Now get up and get dressed. You have a CIA briefing in an hour

FIRST TODDLER: The CIA sucks. They think I colluded with the Russians!

FIRST MOM: Everybody thinks that dear. OK, I’ll make a deal. If you eat your vegetables, you can bomb Syria.

FIRST TODDLER: Yea!! BOOM!

businessinsider.com

Jared Kushner and Steve Bannon run into the room.

JARED KUSHNER: MOM! Steve Bannon is saying mean things about me!

STEVE BANNON: HE STARTED IT!!

FIRST MOM: (Sighing) It’s gonna be a long day.

pinterest


It’s an impossible job, but somebody has to do it.
Help us First Mom. You’re our only hope!

I WANT TO BE A CURMUDGEON – BY TOM CURLEY

I want to be a curmudgeon. I’m the right age. I’ve paid my dues. I’ve earned the right. Problem is, I’m having a hard time doing it. I want to be able to yell at kids to “GET OFF MY LAWN!” You know, traditional curmudgeon stuff. Unfortunately for me, I can’t do that. I live in the middle of the woods.

Nope. Not a kid in sight.

The nearest kids are at least a mile or so away. In over 20 years not one Trick-or-Treater has come to our door on Halloween. And who wants to walk over a mile just to play on some stranger’s lawn? And if they did, why would that bother me? I mean if they were blowing up my lawn, or stealing my lawn I’d be pretty pissed.

Photo: theketog.org

But just playing? What’s your problem?

That never stopped my Grandpa. He loved yelling at kids. I think he looked at it as sort of a sport.

OK, my Grandpa wasn’t really Yoda. I just thought the picture was funny. Photo: Imgflp

The problem I’m having with being a curmudgeon is that I’m too tolerant.  I think it’s a generational thing.  Us baby boomers  are a lot more tolerant than our parent’s generation. We let our kids get away with stuff our parents wouldn’t put up with. This has made some things tougher for our kids. For instance, pissing off their parents.

amessageinabottle

It’s a kid’s job, especially in their teen years, to piss off their parents. It’s a rite of passage. Part of growing up. In my day, it was ridiculously easy. All I had to do was grow my hair long. And by long, I mean as long as the Beatles. The early Beatles.

PHOTO: The Beatles, left to right, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Ringo Starr and John Lennon (1940 – 1980) arrive at London Airport February 6, 1964 (Photo by Getty Images)

Long hair was responsible for every evil and ill in the world. Crime, Communism, the canceling of the Lawrence Welk show, etc.

Photo: gigoid.me

But our generation is way more tolerant. Kids today have to really work to piss us off. A while back I was in a shopping mall when I saw a group of teenagers walking by. One was wearing what I think is called a “side mullet”. One half of his head was completely shaved and the other half was a mullet. Yes, a mullet, the hairstyle of the Gods.

Photo: MachoHairstyles – Hipster Mullet

He was wearing a studded dog collar around his neck. He had pierced ears, a pierced nose, he had one pants leg rolled up above his knee and he was wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. All I could think was, Wow. That poor kid. Look how far he had to go before his parents finally went: “That’s it! Your grounded!”

Not the actual kids. But close.

And here’s another thing. That kid got up that morning, got dressed like that and looked in the mirror and thought to himself “Yeah, that’s cool. I’m rocking this look.”

Which brings me to the flip side of this equation. While it’s a kid’s job to piss off his parents, it’s also a parent’s job to embarrass the hell out of their kids. Mostly when they are teenagers. Here, the advantage goes to the parents. The best my parents could do was to show naked baby pictures of me to my prom date. Embarrassing? Not really. Today? I’m sure the parents of that kid I saw in the mall have a Pinterest account devoted just to him. It will live in the cloud forever and will pop up at every family gathering for the rest of his life. And what the hell will his kids have to do?

What does any of this have to do with me wanting to be a curmudgeon? Nothing much, other than it makes me realize that all the traditional things I should be yelling at just makes me laugh.

So, I guess I’m out of luck.

Oh wait, there’s always Trump.

PORN POWER – TOM CURLEY

There was an interesting article in the news concerning a porn site called xhamster.com I don’t know why it’s called that and I really don’t want to know. They’re in the news because they closed off their website to anybody living in the state of North Carolina. Why? Because of the harsh, horrible anti-LGBT law they passed. If you log onto their website from anywhere in that state, you get a blank screen.

blank screen

Blank screen for you!

The tone of all the news reports and nightly talk shows was that this was a funny but useless protest. There are thousands of other porn sites where North Carolinians can … well you know. But, as usual, the main stream media and the nightly talk shows missed the real story. I am not offering an opinion on the virtues or evils of porn. However, there is a larger truth which is widely known but rarely talked about regarding the porn industry. Porn has been a major driver, financial backer, and early adopter of technological innovation since the beginning. Since forever.

When mankind started drawing on cave walls, I guarantee you some of the first things depicted were people getting some Neanderthal Nookie.

thestar.com.my

thestar.com.my

Porn was very popular in the Middle Ages. Moreover, it utilized some of the earliest encryption technologies. I saw an exhibit in a museum once that showcased one of them. The exhibit consisted of huge tapestries painted with very strange distorted images. You couldn’t tell what they were.

What were they? Porn. The artist would draw the original naughty painting on a regular canvas. He would then look at the painting’s reflection in a cylindrical mirror. The image in the mirror would be all distorted. He would then paint that distorted image onto the tapestry. If you looked at the tapestry the painting made no sense.

anamorphic art

arthit.ru

But. If you looked at the tapestry’s reflection in the same cylindrical  mirror the artist used, the image would be reconstructed back to its original form. (“Naughty Knights 5”)

When photography was first invented in the 1800’s one of the earliest subjects was, of course, naked women. Having sex. When the telegraph was invented, telegraph operators were known to spend their off hours “telegraph sexting”.

I didn’t believe it either.

blog.kaspersky.com

blog.kaspersky.com

OPERATOR ONE: Who you talking to?

OPERATOR TWO: I don’t know, but she sure can dit my dot!

The VCR became popular because porn producers started switching to videotape, abandoning film. Finally, you didn’t have to go to a movie theater for porn. You could “bring it home.” VHS beat out Betamax because the porn industry chose VHS. Really. No kidding. That’s the way it happened.

alf.image.com

alf.image.com

Porn money propelled other technologies, too. Online payments, DVDs, streaming video, and two-way internet chat rooms. Virtual Reality headsets have only been available for a few months and there’s already Virtual Reality Porn.

truvisionvr.com

truvisionvr.com

(I wouldn’t know this personally, but I read a lot).

So here’s the real story that everybody has missed.  One porn site blocked off an entire state. It has been viewed as a symbolic, but mostly useless protest.

What if they all did it?  What if all the porn sites got together and said to North Carolina: “NO PORN FOR YOU!”

no porn for you

I’ll bet you that anti-LGBT law would be overturned in about an hour and a half! Maybe less. Then, the porn industry would realize it’s true power! Imagine, Lysistrata on a national, even a global, scale!

dykiegirl.wordpress.com

dykiegirl.wordpress.com

“You won’t do what we want? NO PORN FOR YOU!” All the porn industry needs to do is come together. Organize.

Organize into a cartel.
A conglomerate
 A Ring.
lotr.wiki.com

lotr.wiki.com

“One ring to rule them all. One ring to find them.

One ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.”

Pray they use their power for good.

A MOUSE’S TALE – BY TOM CURLEY

This is a tale of a mouse. A mighty mouse. No, not this one.

wall.alphacoders.com

More like this one.

dornyownpestcontrol.com

What makes a mighty mouse? What makes a mouse mighty? I say it’s by doing mighty deeds. But what motivates a mighty mouse to do mighty deeds?

A sense of duty? Honor?  Is it because he has the firm conviction to never give up? Never surrender?

Pinterest.com

Or could it be because he is really, really, really stoned? Allow me to explain.

This is a true story. You can’t make this up. OK, I guess you could make it up. But that’s not the point!  I’m not making it up. It really happened.

We have a mouse problem at our house. The problem being that we have a mouse in our house. OK, to be honest, we probably have more than one mouse. They tend to hang out in groups. I don’t want to bring in an exterminator because, well they exterminate. I have no beef with the mice. I just don’t want them in the house. So I bought one of those “mice repelling noise generators” that’s supposed to drive the mice out of the house.

allexpress.com

I put it in the basement where all the mice are. Or were. The device worked. Sort of. It drove them out of the basement, but it didn’t drive them out of the house. It drove them upstairs. Well, at least it drove one of them upstairs.

Every night for the last month, between the hours of 9 PM and 10 PM, while we are watching television, Ellin would suddenly scream “Did you see that? A mouse came up from the basement and ran across the hall!”

Insert mouse running here.

I never would see it. It happened really fast. About a half hour later Ellin would see him running back down into the basement. This happened every night.  We soon surmised that the mouse was running into our mud room. Why?

We finally realized we had stored a bag of dog food in the mudroom. It had ripped open a few months back. Ellin thought she had cleaned up all the loose kibble. Obviously, she hadn’t. Our mouse was making a dinner run, then going home. Home. To our basement.

One of the rooms in our basement is our studio. I left a little plastic baggie on a table that contained three gummy fish candies.

ganjarunner

They weren’t regular gummy fish candies. They were “special” gummy fish candies. According to the label, they each contained 10% THC. Pot. They had been on the table for about a month. Then one day about a week ago, I went downstairs and noticed that the little plastic bag was still there, but the “candies” weren’t.

My first thought was. “Damn it! A mouse stole my stash!”

herb.co

But then my second thought was “Damn, a mouse ate all three of those candies? Wouldn’t that kill him?” Then I thought, “Well, maybe it was more than one mouse.”

I then imagined what the conversation must have been between them about 4 hours after they ate my stash.


MOUSE 1: Whoa …

MOUSE 2: Have you ever thought that maybe the whole universe is just a single atom in a single molecule of a single cell that is part of a really big, really huge mouse?

MOUSE 3: Whoa …

MOUSE 1: Have you ever looked at your paws? I mean, really looked at them?

MOUSE 3: Whoa …

MOUSE 2: What were we talking about?


I forgot about the whole incident until the next night. Ellin and I were again watching TV when we heard a really odd, loud scratching sound coming from the kitchen. I got up and walked into the kitchen.  I found our mouse trying to open the lid to the wooden bin where we store our dry dog food.

Actual dog food box.( Note the TiVo box. It becomes relevant later)

He was so intent on what he was doing I was almost able to catch him and put him outside. But at the last second, he saw me and ran away. I then realized that if anybody needed proof that you can’t overdose on pot, I was looking at it. I couldn’t help but hum a variation of that song “High Hopes”.

monarcares.org

Everyone knows a mouse can’t,
Raise the lid of that box.
But he had high hopes,
He had high hopes,
He had high apple pie in the sky hopes.

And laughing to myself I went upstairs to go to sleep. I was awakened early the next morning to Ellin downstairs screaming.

TOM! THERE’S A MOUSE IN THE DOG FOOD!!!

reddit

I ran downstairs and looked in the box. No mouse.

“Are you sure he was in there?” I asked my wife.

“Yes, he ran over my hand!!”

So, as my wife freaked out and I couldn’t stop laughing, both of our dogs glowered at us. Basically saying “Mouse, schmouse. Where the hell is our breakfast?”

Uh, Hello? Two dogs waiting for breakfast sitting here!

So now we have to put an old unused TiVo box on the dog food bin. Why a TiVo box? It was there. (I told you it would become relevant to the story)

The mouse is still in the house. He hasn’t come back upstairs in days. Maybe he left.  Maybe he’s still full. Maybe he’s just looking at his paws.

So there you have it. The tale of a mouse.

A mighty mouse.

A mighty, stoned mouse.

WE’RE ALL BRUCE BANNER – TOM CURLEY

Usually when I write one of these blogs I try to be funny.

pineterest.com

OK, maybe just humorous.

sonnyradio.com

Fine. Mildly amusing.

thedodo.com

Problem is, I can’t be funny right now because I’m angry. Really pissed off. And I’m not alone. Pretty much the whole country is really pissed off right now — but for different reasons. The media “narrative” or “explanation” or “excuse” for how SCROTUS got elected was that middle class white folks were pissed off. They wanted to give a big F-You to Washington.

orrazz.com

orrazz.com

And they succeeded beyond their wildest expectations. But here’s the thing. They are only about 20 to 25 percent of the population.

The day after the election, a really odd thing happened. The remaining 75 percent of the population woke up REALLY PISSED! And not the grumpy old man “Hey you kids get off my lawn!” kind of pissed.

chicagotribune.com

chicagotribune.com

It included not only the people who didn’t vote for Trumpy McTrumpface. But everybody else.

Us. The other 75 percent. For us, this is a different level of pissed off. It’s “Incredible Hulk”  level pissed off.

youtube.com

youtube.com

For those of you not in the Nerdverse like me, The Hulk is Bruce Banner. A nice, quiet, nerdy kind of guy. A scientist. He gets caught in a Gamma bomb blast (think Hydrogen bomb on steroids) and turns into The Incredible Hulk.

tvtropes.org

tvtropes.org

Whenever somebody pisses him off, and for some reason people are always pissing him off,  he turns green and grows to be about 15-feet tall. And starts throwing tanks and other large military objects at the people shooting at him. Usually the Army. The whole  Army. Or at least a few platoons.

moddb.com

moddb.com

When you think about it, we’re all a lot like the Hulk. We were, for the most part, going about our daily lives. Minding our own business. Many of us quiet and nerdy. Many of us are scientists, or at least we believe that science exists.  Then a huge Gamma bomb went off. Around midnight November 9th 2016. After which, we got really, seriously, pissed off.

freemalaysiatoday.com

freemalaysiatoday.com

Lately, you hear lots of people saying variations on the same theme:


“This is exhausting!”

“How much more of this can we take?”

“I can’t keep up. Something new and worse happens every day.”

“I can’t believe it’s not butter!”

beforeitsnews.com

beforeitsnews.com


Pundits warn that we will get used to the endless barrage of crap coming out of the White House swamp. That we can’t maintain this level of anger. That we’re getting worn out.

blogs.mpnews.com

blogs.mpnews.com “This is getting old”

Well, here’s the thing. The reason the Hulk always wins is because his real power is not his strength. It’s his anger. The madder he gets, the stronger he gets.


There is no upward limit on his strength because there’s
no upward limit on his rage.
theunrealtimes.com

theunrealtimes.com “You did not just gut the EPA”


And that’s the thing that the people shooting at the Hulk never understand. If you just stop shooting at him, he calms down. He turns back into Bruce Banner.

tomanyposts.wordpress.com

tomanyposts.wordpress.com

SCROTUS could do the same thing– more or less. You know,he could stop shooting all sorts of crap at us.

observer.com

observer.com

He won’t, though. It’s going to go on for a while. Years. Will we get tired?  Will we stop being pissed off? Will we give up and go home?

Nope. Because we may have drubbed him on the health bill, but while we were dealing with that, he’s destroying the water, the air, and every living creature on our continent. There are a lot of things on the block.

Stay mad!

Why?


BECAUSE THE MADDER WE GET, THE STRONGER WE GET. 
WE ARE ALL BRUCE BANNER NOW. 
weknowmemes.com

weknowmemes.com


AND NOW, YOU CAN GET YOUR OWN SHIRT!


It’s on Custom Ink. The complexities of ordering the shirts then sending them out to each person are a bit much. But you can order directly from Custom Ink … so here’s the CustomInk link for the Bruce Banner tee.

These are pretty cool tees and if you think it sort of fits how you feel about the world and the way things are going? This is the tee that will tell your tale.

The profits from these shirts are not going to charity. To be precise, they are not going to us either. All profits go directly to CustomInk who print and deliver the shirts. You can use this design as a money raiser. If you would like to use it and change the back of the tee logo to something personal, I give you my permission to do so. If you do, please let me know what you are doing. We can do your own little feature here.

Just wanted everyone to recognize that this is not raising money for anyone other than the producing company. It was too complicated for we simple souls.

PICK UP THE REMOTE, STEP AWAY FROM THAT PHONE – TOM CURLEY

Ellin wrote a blog on that same topic as this and it follows immediately right here. We didn’t plan on doing. it. We both came up with the same idea separately.  Two takes on the same theme.


Last night my wife and I watched “Galaxy Quest.” It’s one of our favorite movies. We’ve seen it so many times we can both recite the dialogue with the actors. We hadn’t planned on watching it. We have a ton of shows and movies we haven’t seen clogging up our DVR. We only meant to watch a minute or so because we just got a new TV and I wanted to see how it looked on a better screen. Then the movie was ending. Ellin and I looked at each other and said “I can’t believe we just watched the whole movie again”. But we both had smiles on our faces.

Then I noticed something.

Ellin hadn’t looked at her phone once for more than two hours. Lately she — like most of us — is constantly reading news about the latest insanity coming out of the White House and Congress. It’s become an obsession. I find myself saying more and more to her while we’re watching TV at night, “Put the phone down! This is your favorite show!”

Most of the time, I’m guilty of doing the same thing.

kat-michaels

I’ve realized to keep our sanity, we need to set aside a few hours each day and NOT READ THE NEWS. Do anything else. Watch your favorite TV show. Watch a movie, read a book. Take a walk. If you have a fireplace, light a fire. Stare at it for a while.

I can give you a few suggestions of shows you might want to check out. My favorite shows are ones I call “Too Hip For The Room.” These are shows that didn’t get great ratings, or slipped under the radar. Not that many people watched them, but they were fantastic shows. People didn’t watch them because they were put on at the wrong time slot, or people didn’t understand what the show was supposed to be.

These are some of my favorites.

Firefly. BEST SCIENCE FICTION SHOW EVER! To this day, it has a following that rivals Star Trek. It got canceled because the moronic suits at Fox had no idea what they had. How much of a fan am I? I named my boat “Serenity.” After the ship on the show.

Powerless. There’s a show now on NBC TV. It’s an office comedy, but takes place in the DC comic universe.

It’s not about Batman, Superman, or the Flash. It’s about normal people who live in the cities where super heroes and super villains routinely destroy property. It’s a common occurrence to leave work, walk to your car, and watch a bus fall on it because a super battle is going on nearby. The show centers on an R&D group working for a company owned by Wayne Enterprises.

The boss is Bruce Wayne’s cousin. A rich idiot who wants nothing more than to get to work at the main building over in Gotham City. They make products to help people survive the DC Universe. My favorite, an “Anti-Joker Venom Epi-Pen.” Don’t leave home without it. The show is Better Off Ted — with super heroes.

Better Off Ted is on Netflix. Also an office comedy. Ted is head of an R&D division for a large multi-national corporation called Veridian Dynamics. They make everything from food to military weapons. Anybody who has ever worked for a large corporation will love this.

imgurjpg

In one of my favorite episodes, the company removes all the motion sensors that open doors, turn on lights and turn on the water fountains. They replace them with new sensors that don’t recognize motion. Instead, they recognize people. Unfortunately, there’s a glitch in the system. It doesn’t recognize black people. Suddenly all the black employees can’t get in or out of their offices. They’re all in the dark and the water fountains don’t work. When Ted suggests to his boss they put the old system back, he is told it would cost too much money. And upper management never admits that they did anything wrong. So instead, they first install manually operated water fountains. Just for the black folks. This doesn’t go over very well.

Next they come up with the idea of hiring young minimum wage white people to follow all the black people around. This works until the HR Department points out that to avoid company anti-discrimination rules, you have to hire a low wage young black person for every low wage white person. But of course, when you do that you have to hire another low wage white person for the new low wage black person.

Ted saves the day by pointing out to senior management that under this current plan, they would be employing every person on Earth in just under one month. They didn’t have enough employee parking space for that many people. So they switched back to the old system.

Brilliant.

Father Of The Pride is on Netflix. This was a cartoon which originally aired on NBC at 8PM during the height of the Bush Administration when the 8 pm was the ultimate “kid friendly” hour. It was one of the first TV shows done by DreamWorks Animation, the same people who did Shrek. Each episode cost over a million dollars to make. And it was not for kids. It was basically a sitcom.

It takes place in the animal compound owned by Siegfried and Roy in Las Vegas. The main characters were a family of lions who performed in the show. John Goodman was the voice of the lead character. The show shot a full season of episodes, but it was pulled after the fourth episode. Why? Well, in that episode the parents find a vase in their house with a plastic baggie full of catnip taped to bottom.

They immediately think it belongs to their teenage daughter. She’s a “nipper.” She denies it. The parents then go on to accidentally end up eating some “nip-laced sausages” and get ridiculously stoned. It’s any episode of “The Honeymooners” or “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” Just with animated animals. And drugs.  Oh and it turns out the catnip belongs to the Grandpa. Played by Carl Reiner. They eventually ran all but two of the episodes, but during off-ratings time periods.

Check them out. You’ll have a good time and forget about reality for few hours. Oh, and don’t forget those late night comedy shows! They are on a roll!

Or you could just light a fire and watch it glow.

PUT DOWN THE PHONE AND PICK UP THE REMOTE – By TOM CURLEY

Ellin wrote a blog on that same topic as this. ANTIDOTES TO THE TRUMP BLUES.  We didn’t plan on doing. it. We both came up with the same idea separately.  Two takes on the same theme.


Last night my wife and I watched “Galaxy Quest.” It’s one of our favorite movies. We’ve seen it so many times we can both recite the dialogue with the actors. We hadn’t planned on watching it. We have a ton of shows and movies we haven’t seen clogging up our DVR. We only meant to watch a minute or so because we just got a new TV and I wanted to see how it looked on a better screen. Then the movie was ending. Ellin and I looked at each other and said “I can’t believe we just watched the whole movie again”. But we both had smiles on our faces.

Then I noticed something.

Ellin hadn’t looked at her phone once for more than two hours. Lately she — like most of us — is constantly reading news about the latest insanity coming out of the White House and Congress. It’s become an obsession. I find myself saying more and more to her while we’re watching TV at night, “Put the phone down! This is your favorite show!”

Most of the time, I’m guilty of doing the same thing.

kat-michaels

I’ve realized to keep our sanity, we need to set aside a few hours each day and NOT READ THE NEWS. Do anything else. Watch your favorite TV show. Watch a movie, read a book. Take a walk. If you have a fireplace, light a fire. Stare at it for a while.

Burning Fireplace

I can give you a few suggestions of shows you might want to check out. My favorite shows are ones I call “Too Hip For The Room.” These are shows that didn’t get great ratings, or slipped under the radar. Not that many people watched them, but they were fantastic shows. People didn’t watch them because they were put on at the wrong time slot, or people didn’t understand what the show was supposed to be.

These are some of my favorites.

Firefly. BEST SCIENCE FICTION SHOW EVER! To this day, it has a following that rivals Star Trek. It got canceled because the moronic suits at Fox had no idea what they had. How much of a fan am I? I named my boat “Serenity.” After the ship on the show.

Powerless. There’s a show now on NBC TV. It’s an office comedy, but takes place in the DC comic universe.

It’s not about Batman, Superman, or the Flash. It’s about normal people who live in the cities where super heroes and super villains routinely destroy property. It’s a common occurrence to leave work, walk to your car, and watch a bus fall on it because a super battle is going on nearby. The show centers on an R&D group working for a company owned by Wayne Enterprises.

The boss is Bruce Wayne’s cousin. A rich idiot who wants nothing more than to get to work at the main building over in Gotham City. They make products to help people survive the DC Universe. My favorite, an “Anti-Joker Venom Epi-Pen.” Don’t leave home without it. The show is Better Off Ted — with super heroes.

Better Off Ted is on Netflix. Also an office comedy. Ted is head of an R&D division for a large multi-national corporation called Veridian Dynamics. They make everything from food to military weapons. Anybody who has ever worked for a large corporation will love this.

imgurjpg

In one of my favorite episodes, the company removes all the motion sensors that open doors, turn on lights and turn on the water fountains. They replace them with new sensors that don’t recognize motion. Instead, they recognize people. Unfortunately, there’s a glitch in the system. It doesn’t recognize black people. Suddenly all the black employees can’t get in or out of their offices. They’re all in the dark and the water fountains don’t work. When Ted suggests to his boss they put the old system back, he is told it would cost too much money. And upper management never admits that they did anything wrong. So instead, they first install manually operated water fountains. Just for the black folks. This doesn’t go over very well.

Next they come up with the idea of hiring young minimum wage white people to follow all the black people around. This works until the HR Department points out that to avoid company anti-discrimination rules, you have to hire a low wage young black person for every low wage white person. But of course, when you do that you have to hire another low wage white person for the new low wage black person.

Ted saves the day by pointing out to senior management that under this current plan, they would be employing every person on Earth in just under one month. They didn’t have enough employee parking space for that many people. So they switched back to the old system.

Brilliant.

imgurjpg.info

Father Of The Pride is on Netflix. This was a cartoon which originally aired on NBC at 8PM during the height of the Bush Administration when the 8 pm was the ultimate “kid friendly” hour. It was one of the first TV shows done by DreamWorks Animation, the same people who did Shrek. Each episode cost over a million dollars to make. And it was not for kids. It was basically a sitcom.

It takes place in the animal compound owned by Siegfried and Roy in Las Vegas. The main characters were a family of lions who performed in the show. John Goodman was the voice of the lead character. The show shot a full season of episodes, but it was pulled after the fourth episode. Why? Well, in that episode the parents find a vase in their house with a plastic baggie full of catnip taped to bottom.

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They immediately think it belongs to their teenage daughter. She’s a “nipper.” She denies it. The parents then go on to accidentally end up eating some “nip-laced sausages” and get ridiculously stoned. It’s any episode of “The Honeymooners” or “The Dick Van Dyke Show.” Just with animated animals. And drugs.  Oh and it turns out the catnip belongs to the Grandpa. Played by Carl Reiner. They eventually ran all but two of the episodes, but during off-ratings time periods.

“Don’t do drugs kid. Stay in school. fatherofthepride.wikia

Check them out. You’ll have a good time. You’ll forget about reality for few hours.

Or you could just light a fire and watch it glow.