MAD LIBS – Marilyn Armstrong

I remember when we used to buy these in paper books and sometimes, the results were absolutely hilarious. These are rather simpler, but hopefully also funny.

Here we are on Day 2 of the Mad Lib Daily Prompt.   Thanks to Ms. Haunted (Teresa) of The Haunted Wordsmith for hosting these!  I love ’em.

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2018/08/02/blogging-mad-libs-2/

Name
Adjective
Verb x 6
Time span
Nouns (plural) x 4
Form of Transportation
Types of Animals x 3
Occupation
Snack food
Body part
Location
Pronoun
Noun


Name – Delores
Adjective – annoyed
Verb x 6 – wait, lurk, chatter, yell, complain, whine, yammer
Time span – one hour
Nouns (plural) x 4 – telephones, customer services, stupidity, headaches
Verb – yammered
Form of Transportation – feet
Verb – stumbling
Types of Animals x 3 – Scottie, Scottie, mutt
Occupation – holding while being told my business is important
Snack food – coffee
Body part -left ear
Location – the loveseat
Pronoun – that
Noun – pointless.


Original Story:

Name was so adjective to see the circus, it was the only thing she could verb about for the whole time span. She read stories of nouns that verb on the high wire, nouns that drove around in miniature forms of transportation, elephants that verb, and wild animals that jumped through nouns. The night of the show arrived and Name dressed up like an occupation with a huge smile painted on her face. Her family found their seats and after eating some snack food, devouring a rainbow snow cone, and verb her first cotton candy, Name promptly fell asleep with her body part on her dad’s lap. Name didn’t verb till the next morning but regaled everyone at the breakfast table with stories of animals that sang, noun artists that verb from treetop to treetop in the middle of location, and nouns that morphed into small animals that made everyone laugh. Name loved pronoun night at the circus.


My Story:

Delores was so annoyed to see the circus, it was the only thing she could wait about for the whole hour. She read stories of telephones that lurk on the high wire, customer services that drove around in miniature feet, elephants that chatter, and wild Scotties and a mutt that jumped through stupidity. The night of the show arrived and Delores dressed up like a holding while being told my business is important with a huge smile painted on her face. Her family found their seats and after eating some coffee, devouring a rainbow snow cone, and complaining her first cotton candy, Delores promptly fell asleep with her ear on her dad’s lap. Delores didn’t whine till the next morning but regaled everyone at the breakfast table with stories of Scotties and a mutt that sang, headache artists that yammer from treetop to treetop in the middle of the loveseat, and Scotties and a mutt that morphed into small Scotties and a mutt that made everyone laugh. Delores loved that night at the circus.


Note: You needed some past tenses and a gerund or two, but it’s still funny.

WE NEED NATIONAL BROTHERHOOD WEEK

CONVERSANT AGAIN – NATIONAL BROTHERHOOD WEEK AND CELEBRATING WORLD WAR THREE – IN ADVANCE (WE WON ‘T HAVE TIME, LATER)


Way back in the dark ages, the third week in February (an otherwise dreary and neglected month) was designated National Brotherhood Week. As designated special weeks go, it was never a big hit with the general public. In the 1980s, it disappeared completely. Probably because it failed to sell greeting cards. Which is probably the point of such created events.

brotherhoodweek-624x446

The National Conference for Christians and Jews (NCCJ) came up with the idea of National Brotherhood Week in 1934. Given the current political climate, maybe we can agree more brotherhood year round would be an improvement. Sadly, we no longer have even that one, measly week.

February is now Black History Month which seems to mean movie channels run films featuring non-white stars. Unless you watch PBS or the History Channel where you might see a documentary or two.

The man who took it seriously — even in the old days — as he took all politics seriously, was Tom Lehrer. He taught math at Hahvid (Harvard, if you aren’t from around here). He didn’t write a lot of songs since he, till his dying day (which hasn’t occurred yet as he’s alive and living in California), thought of himself as a math teacher who wrote silly songs. Not as an entertainer.

Despite this unfair self-assessment, I’ve always felt Tom got this particular holiday dead to rights. Ya’ think?

He got a lot of stuff right. Check him out on YouTube. He only wrote about 50 songs and most of them are posted in some video or other. Me? I’ve got the CDs. (Remember CDs?)

And because the news has been so … fraught … I thought I’d add a couple of  more shockingly relevant songs for this day in February, 2018.

My, how times have not really changed — except we really do have colored TV pretty much everywhere!

CONJURING MAGIC WORDS – TURNING LATIN TO SORT OF ENGLISH

I WOULD CONJURE MAGIC, BUT …
NO LATIN ALLOWED


I hadn’t thought about it. To be honest, my eyes have seen it. My brain has skimmed over it. Whoosh. Away it went with no thought given to its meaning. I do know what a couple of “Latin as part of English” shortcuts supposedly mean.

“Illegitimi non carborumdum” — which I believed (and lots of other people also believe) translates to: “Don’t let the bastards grind you down,” from the mock-Latin word, illegitimatus, or bastard, and carborundum, an ancient brand of abrasive stone. But apparently, it’s not “real” Latin. Who speaks “real Latin” anyway? Whatever Latin you speak, it ain’t the real deal. Whoever speaks Latin speaks a reconstruction of it based on what we know from old writings. No native speakers hanging around in this century.

But QED? From this morning’s Boston Globe’s Theresa Hanafin, comes this bright light for the day:


The Question of the Day from The Old Farmer’s Almanac is: What does the abbreviation “QED” stand for? It’s Latin — quod erat demonstrandum — and means “that which was to be demonstrated.” It’s often used at the end of math proofs or philosophical treatises where the writer reaches a conclusion. Sort of a “ta-da!” I always thought it stood for “Quick, eat the doughnuts,” which has been very helpful over the years.”


What does this have to do with anything?

Well, since I cannot find any conjurable magic (is that a word?), the closest I’ve got are those little Latin sayings we drop into our English language. When I was first working as a tech writer in the U.S., having been working in Israel as a tech writer for five or six years, I encountered an actual English-language editor. My editors in Israel had been a lovely French woman who had excellent English, but sometimes her editorial decisions were a bit … continental. I had a great Russian guy and some of his editorial decisions were … unique.

This was the first time I got to fight over my words in my native tongue with another New York native.

ARTWORK: Evil Squirrel’s Nest

She was fixated on never using a Latin expression if there was an equivalent English word for the same thing. Should she come upon “etcetera” she would always change it to “and so on.”

“We do not speak Latin in this department,” she would announce. To this day, when I’m editing anyone else’s work — Garry or one of the other writers on our “team” and I see an etcetera looming, I can hear her voice carrying over the television or audiobook:


WE DO NOT SPEAK LATIN IN THIS DEPARTMENT.


I am forced to change it to “and so on” and occasionally, to something more obscure like “moreover.” Can’t use “ad infinitum” either … a sad waste of clever language skills.


Ad infinitum is a Latin phrase meaning “to infinity” or “forevermore”. Description: In context, it usually means “continue forever, without limit” and this can be used to describe a non-terminating process, a non-terminating repeating process, or a set of instructions to be repeated “forever,” among other uses.


It’s amazing how a single determined editor can fix something in your brain forever, even when you have long since passed a point where you need instructions.

Thus if you are doing any conjuring today, please do it without Latin. We don’t speak Latin here.

A CONGLOMERATION OF CONUNDRUMS

What animal walks on all fours in the morning, two in the afternoon and three in the evening? Man, since he crawls as a child then walks and uses a cane when he gets older.

No sooner spoken than broken. What is it? Silence.

I am weightless, but you can see me. Put me in a bucket, and I’ll make it lighter. What am I? A hole.

What is so fragile that when you say its name, you break it? Silence.

I have a tail, and I have a head, but I have no body. I am not a snake. What am I? A coin.

What falls, but does not break. What breaks, but does not fall? Night falls and day breaks.

You throw away the outside and cook the inside. Then you eat the outside and throw away the inside. What is it? An ear of corn.

I have holes in my top and bottom, my left and right, and in the middle. Yet I still hold water. What am I? A sponge.

What can run, but never walks
Has a mouth but never talks,
Has a head but never weeps,
Has a bed but never sleeps?

A river.

I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will,
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.
What am I?

Tomorrow.

CONUNDRUM definition meaning

I am the black child of a white father, a wingless bird, flying even to the clouds of heaven. I give birth to tears of mourning in pupils that meet me, even though there is no cause for grief, and at once on my birth I am dissolved into air. What am I? Smoke.

Pronounced as one letter and written with three.
Two letters there are, but two only in me.
I’m double, I’m single,
I’m black, blue, and gray.
I’m read from both ends,
Yet the same either way.
What am I?

An eye.


The final conundrum: How can we get ourselves into this mess?

Answer: I’ll let you know if I ever figure it out. Or, if you get there first, call me. I’ll be waiting!


CONUNDRUM | THE DAILY POST

SAME OLD SAME OLD AND AN HISTORICAL NOTE

Ecclesiastes 1:9 — New International Version (NIV)

What has been, will be again,
what has been done, will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

I’ve given this a think and come to realize not only have I not done anything completely new or outrageous in recent memory, I don’t know that I ever have, or wanted to. If I’d wanted to do it, I’d have done it.

I’d love to get a repeat performance for some places I’ve been. I wouldn’t mind a first run at a couple of spots I always wanted to go — if someone will transport me there without complicated travel arrangements.

Irish Signs Ireland

My mind wanders towards travel because I love traveling. Sadly, that’s one thing that’s lost its savor. It was more fun in years past. Not mere nostalgia. Fact.

Airline travel especially has fallen to the bottom rung of the desirable-modes-of-transportation ladder. That alone would put a damper on any lingering travel lust.

I fear not flying, but I dread airports. Luggage handlers. Airport food. The so-called lounges where we wait for flights that never arrive or never take off. Incomprehensible announcements over garbled sound systems. Delayed flights. Security checks.

And the eternal question. Why is the connecting flight inevitably at the farthest point on the opposite side of an airport the size of Alaska? And why is that connecting flight on time when the flight on which you arrived, is late?

I haven’t done anything “beyond the pale.” Not recently and, on further reflection, ever. I’ve always been the same old me. How dull.


Historical Footnote: Does the author of this prompt know the derivation of “beyond the Pale?” It refers to the Pale of Settlement, in which Jews were allowed to live, other places being forbidden to them.

Catherine the Great created the Pale of Settlement in Russia in 1791. This was the name given to the western border region of the country, in which Jews were allowed to live. The motivation behind this was to restrict trade between Jews and native Russians. Some Jews were allowed to live, as a concession, ‘beyond the pale’.

Pales were enforced in other European countries for similar political reasons, notably in Ireland (the Pale of Dublin) and France (the Pale of Calais), which was formed as early as 1360.

REFERENCING SOURCES

Make It Anywhere

“If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere,” goes the famous song about New York City. Is there a place — a city, a school, a company — about which you think (or thought) the same? Tell us why, and if you ever tried to prove that claim.


One of my many home towns.
One of my many home towns.

I’ve never been particularly ambitious and I am not sure I ever “made it” anywhere. I have no idea why I am so unmotivated to climb the ladder of success. Wired that way, maybe.

Personal stuff — relationships, home, having fun — has always been more important to me than traditional success.

My current home.
At home in exurban New England

Which means that where I live has always been for personal reasons. New England, because Garry was (is) here. Jerusalem because it’s a giant tel full of ghosts, artifacts, and history. New York city, because I was born there and I was a kid, so I didn’t have a choice. Long Island (New York) because I went to school there, married a guy who worked at the university, and got stuck.

I never lived anywhere because it was professionally advantageous … or even sensible.

Being as I have nothing much to say about this, I thought I’d include some quotes from other people about success.

Which reminds me of college where I discovered you don’t actually have to write a paper yourself. You just have to quote sources and properly reference them. This will impress your professor without straining your brain to come up with an original idea.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.”
W.C. Fields

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you’ll move mountains.”
Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.”
Bette Midler

“If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut”
Albert Einstein

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”
Winston S. Churchill

“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.”
Salvador Dalí

“I’m a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn’t have the heart to let him down.”
Abraham Lincoln

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. ”
Mark Twain

And so it goes. Success is however you define it and whether or not you’ve made it is entirely a matter of opinion. Yours is the one which counts.