Q & A – AS LONG AS THE COPS AREN’T ASKING – Marilyn Armstrong

I Love Questions Unless the Cops Are Asking Them

The latest is Melanie over at Sparks From a Combustible Mind, who was nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award. Congratulations Melanie.

She then wrote, “Anyone who wishes to answer some or all of the questions here, you’re more than welcome!!” And since I am “anyone,” here are Melanie’s questions and my answers.

Note: I’m ALSO anyone! So there!


1. Which season fits your personality best — spring, summer, fall, or winter — and why?

Photo: Garry Armstrong

Fall, usually. This year hasn’t been great but still, definitely my favorite season.

2. If you were to choose a well-known axiom or slogan for your life, what would it be?

The truth is easier to remember than a lie.

3. If you were a color, which would you be and why?

I get hung up on this. Do you mean a color I would wear? or just BE? What color is my aura?

I have no idea if I have an aura, much less its color. I don’t honestly think I can answer this because I like a lot of colors, depending on what they are being used for. Many colors I love, I won’t wear. For sheer color, I think turquoise. That clear bright blue you find mostly from Arizona mines.

4. What’s a skill you learned when you were young that you still use today?

Touch typing. I think it is the only genuinely useful skill I learned in school!

5. What’s the most valuable piece of advice you’ve been given?

“If they ask you to make an instant decision, say NO.” I wish I’d stuck to it more.

6. If you had your own talk show, who would your first three guests be?

Doris Kearns Goodwin, Stephen Colbert,  and Connie Willis. And if I get a fourth, Jim Butcher.

7. If you had one extra hour of free time a day, how would you use it?

Listening. I’m an audiobook junkie.

8. What was the most embarrassing thing you have ever done while on a date?

While trying to cut up the steak, it slid off the plate and onto my white silk blouse. I never wore white silk for any event where eating was involved. And I never ordered a steak with bones.

9. If you were the eighth dwarf, what would your name be?

Sneezy Too. I sneeze a LOT. I can sneeze an entire evening away.

10. Where is the last place you’d be caught dead? Aside from the cemetery, of course!

Mountain climbing.

PIZZA WITH PINEAPPLE AND CRISIS ACTORS – Marilyn Armstrong

WEEKLY Word Prompt: Question


The answer to most serious questions is another question. Serious things don’t have simple answers. For example, “Does this pizza require a longer time to cook or will it dry up?” There are no quick answers to any questions pertaining to pizza.

Pineapple pizza
Credit: Getty

Let’s discuss pineapple. Whose idea was it to put fruit on a pizza and why does anyone actually order it? I can understand anchovies, even though no one can force me to eat one. Salty is okay on pizza, but FRUIT? Seriously?

And then, there are politics. How can you look at yourself in the mirror when you are caging children … for any reason? How can you face a kid who survived a mass school shooting, tell him or her that “it didn’t happen” and “he/she is a ‘crisis actor'”?

What’s a crisis actor?  How do you recruit them? Do you advertise in a special “Help Wanted” section of some undercover actor’s journal?



HELP WANTED – CRISIS ACTORS FOR FAKE SLAUGHTER

Are you the kind of actor who plays dead really well? Can you stay very still while buckets of blood pour out of you? If you are under 18, white, and ready to play dead, we want you. Resume required. Non-union.



You’d need a second advertisement, too. For families. Grieving parents, friends, and teachers.



HELP WANTED – GRIEVING FAMILY FOR MURDERED KIDS

Can you cry on cue? If you can convey deep sorry and heartbreak on camera, we need you to play the devastated parents of crisis actors for mock, mass school shooting. Standard rates apply. Send headshots, color only. Ability to cry with real tears mandatory. Non-union.



So many questions, so little time!

Stupid Question, Stupid Answer

“Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? Why?”

Although I have heard it said that there are no stupid questions, I believe this question proves conclusively that there are stupid questions because this is a genuine card-carrying stupid question. To compound the idiocy, someone spent the time to formulate the question proving that someone has way too much time on his or her hands. Then they took the time to ask me write about it.

I am baffled. I had no problem figuring out my answer but I was and continue to be puzzled by why anyone would ask the question in the first place and furthermore, what in the world anyone might think they would learn from my answer. Is there some conceivable illumination or knowledge to be gained? If there is, I can’t see it. Ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer.

© Mula Eshet/Robert Harding World Imagery/Corbis
© Mula Eshet/Robert Harding World Imagery/Corbis

Lately, there seems to be an world-wide epidemic of stupid going around. Perhaps this is yet one more symptom of this disease that is claiming victims faster than the plague ever did. So, in the spirit of comradely stupidity, I have formulated an appropriate non-answer.

This question reminds me of the saying: “It’s better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.” This is something that people say when whatever just happened is nominally better than nothing. It presupposes that under some circumstance, someone — like me, say — might find myself in a situation in which a poke in the eye with a sharp stick would be preferable to something else. Really? Ya’ think?

Well, on initial examination, I feel obliged to point out there are very few things I can imagine that are not better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. What might be worse? Prolonged torture? Evisceration? Mutilation with hot knives? Being starved to death in a dark, dank dungeon? The rack? Burning at the stake? How about being eaten slowly by rats?

So, back to the original question: Would I prefer to lose all my memories — otherwise known as my identity and self — or be brain-dead?

Come to think of it, I’ll take that poke in the eye now. Make sure the stick is really sharp, okay?

Let me know if anyone finds this response enlightening. And why.

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