ON THE SCENT: COME BACK, SUPERMAN!

I was reading Andy Borowitz’ column this morning. He’s the guy who writes those parody “news bulletins” for “The New Yorker.

I’m pretty sure he’s on DJT’s hit list. It’s an honorable place to be.  I would be terrified, yet honored to join him. Anyway, in this particular post, he posits that Yates (acting Attorney General, hangover from Obama administration) was really fired for having a copy of the Constitution on her computer. He believes owning or reading (or maybe, merely knowing it exists) the Constitution in this administration are grounds for immediate termination. Read it here: TRUMP FIRES ATTORNEY GENERAL AFTER COPY OF CONSTITUTION IS FOUND ON HER COMPUTER

I tweeted the link and commented that this smelled true to me. I mean, seriously, DC is a comic book world, right? DC is the seat of the U.S. Government, yet DC is also from whence Superman, Batman, and Green Arrow originated. Coincidence?

I think not!

This gave me pause for thought. Suddenly, it all came clear! DJT — Number 45 — is actually a bewigged DC super villain!

Yes, he is … (trumpets, drumroll … long pause) …

LEX LUTHOR!


They smell the same, they think the same ... it's Lex Luthor and he's in charge! OMG!

They smell the same, they think the same … it’s Lex Luthor and he’s in charge! OMG!


He’s here and he’s got his finger on the button! Lex Luthor, the most insane, sadistic, crazoid ultra-super-villain in the DC universe. Superman’s bane. The baddest of the bad guys, the man whose goal has always been the total destruction of our world has made it to the top of the heap. He’s in the White House and he is set to destroy the world!

Reality? No? You can tell the difference? You sure? Because it makes a lot more sense (scents?) that we are now part of the DC world. The world as I understood it vanished a couple of months ago.

Remember the old “If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck?” Well … THIS smells like Lex Luthor. He acts like Lex Luthor. I’m pretty sure if you pop a bad rug on Lex’s bald head, you’ll discover he also looks like Lex Luthor.

Ergo ipso, he IS Lex Luthor. Or Humpty Dumpty. Take your pick. I’m with Lex.

Superman, we need you! Come back, Superman! Come home and save us! You’re our last hope!

SCENT | THE DAILY POST

MY BRILLIANT DISGUISE

Superman-ClarkKent-Bizarro

MY  BRILLIANT DISGUISE — CAN YOU SEE ME?

I keep trying this same trick. I take off my glasses. I look at Garry.

“Who am I? Quick, take a guess.”

If he’s in the right mood, he’ll deny knowing me. “Hey, stranger. Do you come here often?” (Heh, heh.)

“You see?” I cackle. “It worked for Superman and me, too!”

Superman-ClarkKent-ChrisReeveIn real life, it doesn’t quite come off the same way. About 20 years ago, I was briefly fitted for and wore contact lenses.

During that short period, I went to New York to visit my brother. Note that I have worn eyeglasses all the time, unless I am swimming, bathing, or sleeping, since I was in the sixth grade. In other words, since I was around 11 years old.

No one — including my brother — noticed the contact lenses, the absence of eyeglasses. Not only did they fail to notice I wasn’t wearing glasses. They didn’t notice that anything was different. At all. Even when I stood there and said “Does anyone notice anything different?”

“Did you change your hair?” (No.)

“I think you’ve lost some weight.” (Yes, about 3 ounces of eye wear.)

I gave up the contact lenses. They made my eyes itch anyhow. I’m not sure how Superman pulled it off, but it doesn’t seem to work for me.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE COSTUME, ISN’T IT?

Despite my passion for masked heroes, I always preferred Superman to Batman. There were a couple of reasons. Superman was genuinely super. Invulnerable. And moreover, HE COULD FLY!

Never underestimate a guy who can fly at supersonic speeds. A boyfriend like that could prove most useful on a day-to-day basis. I mean really. Hey, Supe, can you give me a hand moving to that new apartment ?

Me Not Super

Hey, Supe … the roof leaks … could you take a look at it? And that big boulder in the backyard is ruining my plans for the new garage. You think you might relocate it for me? And if you have some extra time, maybe you could build a foundation for the garage while you are at it? It will just take a couple of minutes …

Marilyn again

So, I’m a Superman kind of gal.

Above and beyond those delightful and useful powers, I loved that no one recognizes him when he wears his glasses. As a long-time eyeglass wearer, I tried it myself.

“Garry,” I say to get his attention. I then whip my glasses off, stare meaningfully into his eyes and ask “Who am I?”

He laughs. So I do it again, but he just laughs harder. I persist and try this on friends, relatives and near total strangers, but alas, no one thinks I’m Wonderwoman or Supergirl.

Do you think I need a costume? Is my white hair too much of a give-away?

If I get myself a costume — a really good costume with a cape and everything — do you think maybe I could fly? Because that’s what it’s all about. Flying. And becoming invulnerable. That would be good too.

I NEED A COSTUME!

Despite my passion for masked heroes, I always preferred Superman to Batman. There were a couple of reasons. Superman was genuinely super. Invulnerable. And moreover, HE COULD FLY!

Never underestimate a guy who can fly at supersonic speeds. A boyfriend like that could prove most useful on a day-to-day basis. I mean really. Hey, Supe, can you give me a hand moving to that new apartment ?

Me Not Super

Hey, Supe … the roof leaks … could you take a look at it? And that big boulder in the backyard is ruining my plans for the new garage. You think you might relocate it for me? And if you have some extra time, maybe you could build a foundation for the garage while you are at it? It will just take a couple of minutes …

Marilyn again

So, I’m a Superman kind of gal.

Above and beyond those delightful and useful powers, I loved that no one recognizes him when he wears his glasses. As a long-time eyeglass wearer, I tried it myself.

“Garry,” I say to get his attention. I then whip my glasses off, stare meaningfully into his eyes and ask “Who am I?”

He laughs. So I do it again, but he just laughs harder. I persist and try this on friends, relatives and near total strangers, but alas, no one thinks I’m Wonderwoman or Supergirl.

Do you think I need a costume? Is my white hair too much of a give-away?

If I get myself a costume — a really good costume with a cape and everything — do you think maybe I could fly? Because that’s what it’s all about. Flying. And becoming invulnerable. That would be good too.