SHARING MY WORLD – SUM SUM SUMMERTIME!

Share Your World – June 19, 2017


Today is the first full day of summer and from this point on, days begin to get shorter. Hard to believe, isn’t it? Especially since I still don’t have a blooming rose or a flowering lily! But at least I can see buds so maybe it’s coming. This is the first year without flowers.

What is something that people are obsessed with but you just don’t get the point of?

Mobile phones. I can see the point in having a mobile from which to make calls, but people are on them so much. I totally don’t get it. These phones are tiny — even the bigger ones are not big enough for me. The pictures on them are squinty. The keys are tiny. The sound is pathetic. I  don’t get it.

The final thing that I find puzzling is why so many people want to be permanently connected  to everyone and anyone? To be forever tied by phone to bosses, parents, kids, and everyone else? Don’t they want a little quiet? How about a few hours without beeping or ringing or dinging or jangling? Wouldn’t that be lovely?

What quirky things do people do where you are from?

I come from New York. What don’t they do?

What are some things you wish you could unlearn? 

I can’t answer that. I have no idea. All the things I’ve learned have found a place in my world. Everything means something, so if I were to unlearn something, a skill or piece of knowledge would vanish.

It has taken a lifetime to get to this point. I treasure the little steps, the falls, the collisions, the crises … they are all part of the trek. The only things I wish I could leave behind? A bad heart, two cancerous breasts, and a collapsing spine. Unfortunately, no one wants that stuff … and no one is taking it back. You get what you get and are stuck with it.

Who is someone who you miss having in your life?

At my age, the list of those who have died exceeds the number of those who remain living. I miss them all, individually and collectively. My mother, my brother. My first husband. So many friends. There are too many to count. So. Let’s not go there.


THE SAME. BUT LOUDER.

There’s a major kerfuffle about the new iPhone 7. I am not an iPhone fan. We’ve owned them, both the four and the five and were underwhelmed. We were much happier back when we could use a Blackberry, a mobile phone that was designed to be used as an actual telephone. You know, with sound you could hear. Even a real keyboard. Since the end of the Blackberry, it has been downhill. Our current phone, a Samsung Galaxy that we picked entirely based on the quality of its sound, is okay. It works and does what we need to do with it. I’m not in love with it, but I’m satisfied that it was almost worth the ridiculous amount it cost.

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Which is less than half what the new iPhone 7 will cost.

So what are the new upgrades that make it so special? They dumped the analog earphone jack which everyone used to listen to music. They have, instead, put in another speaker. Which, my good friend the audio engineer says will make its tinny sound louder, but not better. On a more positive note, it will force buyers of the new iPhone to get those expensive blue-tooth earphones which, at $150 a pop, should add a nice pop to Apple’s bottom line.

They have also (finally) made it water-resistant. You can drop it in the toilet, pull it out and go right back to sticking it on your face. What could possibly go wrong with that?

It is heartwarming to see how corporations “get” us and respond to our needs, isn’t it? Have you ordered your iPhone 7 yet? Don’t forget to buy those new blue-tooth earphones! You’re going to need them.

EVIL SQUIRREL’S NEST COMIC #225 — 8/18/16

Since today is all about cell phones, somehow, this seemed the perfect companion to the fantastic, new iPhone 7 announcement!

Please visit Evil Squirrel’s Nest for lots more cool and usually hilarious stuff!!


See the rest of the story and other stories & comics: Evil Squirrel’s Nest Comic #225 – 8/18/16

A CONNECTED WORLD? CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Everyone and his or her cousin George has a “smart phone.” This is a hand-held computer on which you cannot hear a human voice or detect what the party on the other end is saying, so you substitute texting — a form of encrypted communication requiring great thumb strength and high-power magnifying eyeglasses.

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I own such a device, so I am part of the connected world. In spirit. I do not actually use the device. It mostly lives in my bag in a “powered off” state . It’s purpose is reassurance.  Garry can’t hear anything on it and I’m only nominally better. But, it’s there, just in case.

Whether or not I could use it to make a phone call (probably not) or contact emergency services (“I’m sorry, I can’t hear you … I think I’m losing the signal … hello? hello? Are you there?”), I’m nonetheless glad to help support our economy by paying for services I don’t use, and a device which is more annoying than useful.

But hey, we all gotta have one, y’know? Just in case. Oh, wait. I think I hear it ringing …

Gotta go!

DAILY POST | CONNECTED? CAN YOU HEAR ME?

A G-SPOT FINDER APP?

Back when I was very much younger and hornier, there were lots of discussions about The Spot. You know. That critical, yet somehow elusive spot on the female anatomy?

I assumed I knew what everyone was talking even though it never had a name. We never call anything by its proper name because despite there being nothing dirty, offensive, or immoral about using correct names for body parts, we are prissy about sex.

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This bashful unwillingness to just say what we mean produces some bizarre communication problems between the sexes. It’s akin to taking a vacation but not being allowed to say the name of the hotel. You can only identify it as The Resort. You are also forbidden to give the street number. It’s “somewhere on Main Street.” Good luck finding your destination.

It’s not only men who can’t find The Spot on wives or girl friends. It’s also persons of the female persuasion who (apparently) can’t find it on themselves.

Say what? A friend of mind commented that even if the finger can’t figure out which does what, the spot itself should immediately contact the brain with the information — DING, DING, DING, THIS IS THE SPOT!

So what’s with all these girls growing up who can’t find it? I’ll bet every little boy in the world knows where his Spot is. He didn’t have to take a seminar. His brain said “Right here!”

More relationships have been destroyed by a woman’s inability to say “A quarter inch to the left, please” than by adultery. The same people who fight, argue, email, text and post online the most intimate details of their lives, are unable to tell a partner that he (she?) is missing The Spot. Oh puleeze.

I thought we got squared away on this 50 years ago. Or more. Apparently not. What are all the people who can’t find The Spot doing in bed?

The time has come for technology to take a hand (no pun intended). We need an app for that. How about one for the iPhone? Grab your phone and like a Geiger counter, it tells you when you’re hot — and when you’re not.

As you zero in, the Hot Spot Finder App says “YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR DESTINATION!” in stentorian tones. The Hallelujah Chorus starts playing.

Everyone uses a mobile phone for everything, so let’s solve this problem once and for all. Please, give us an app for that!

HOW TERRIFIC WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS?

Once upon a time, I cooked rice in a pot with a lid. I used a manual typewriter and if I wanted a book to read, I had to go to a book store or the library. Televisions received (maybe) half a dozen channels — fewer if you lived in the country — and none of them came in clearly.

For your listening pleasure, you bought vinyl records and played them on tinny record players or, if you were lucky, on a hi-fi. You had to defrost the freezer and when the temperature rose in the summer, you turned on a fan. And sweated.

When you were away from home, you were out of touch. Completely. Nothing beeped, rang, dinged or vibrated.

iPhone 4There were good things and bad things about those pre-gadget days. The best part was not having a cell phone or beeper because if you got on your bike and rode off with your friends, you were free. Until you came home. Which better be in time for dinner or you’d be in big trouble.

The other stuff? The first time I got my hands on a computer — really, it was a dedicated word processor — and realized I could correct mistakes without re-typing the entire document (again), I said to myself: “This is a better way.” Almost 40 years later, no matter how annoying computers can be, I haven’t changed my mind. It is a better way. No way do I want to return to carbon copies and changing ribbons. And endlessly re-typing drafts.

About 12 years ago, I got my first rice cooker. I had a Chinese friend and she said that if I cook rice often and like it a lot, I simply had to have a rice cooker. “What’s a rice cooker?” I asked. And she told me. My first rice cooker did exactly what you’d expect: it cooked rice.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAMy latest rice cooker is also a slow cooker and will perfectly bake cakes, steam veggies and who knows what else. Mostly, I use it to cook perfect rice, every time, without needing to stand over the stove-top with a timer. It’s my all-time favorite kitchen appliance. I can imagine — remember — life without it, but it’s better with it.

Televisions are much better than they were and certainly the quality of the video is light-years ahead of those old TV sets. I’m not convinced the quality of television shows is better. My 1000 channels gives us about half a dozen channels we really watch. Just like in the old days, but now we can record stuff and zap commercials. That’s big! Commercial clusters have gotten increasingly annoying and intrusive, but DVRs and TIVOs let us ignore them. It’s an ongoing war between viewers and corporate owners.

TV equipment at home

The best part of today’s television are movies. Sure, we got movies in The Old Days, but they were usually of poor quality, frequently interrupted by commercials. As often as not, they were chopped up by bored engineers who mindlessly removed chunks of film. A lot of the movies I saw as a kid, now that I’ve seen them again … it really is seeing them for the first time.

My least favorite modern development is the ubiquitous mobile “device.” You can’t really call them telephones because they aren’t any good at making phone calls. They do manage to be extremely intrusive. You never get to genuinely disconnect from the world because buzz, ding … it’s the phone. A text? A reminder of something you need to do? Whatever it is, most people are electronically leashed.

It’s just like 1984 … only we did it voluntarily. Pity because we’ve surrendered our privacy. We gave it away for toys.  We’ve lost the rapture of silence, the pleasure of being far away and out of touch. Sure it’s nice having emergency communications, especially when you are on the road, but I’m not sure it was a good trade. We need time to be disconnected, unreachable and unavailable. A time to recuperate from the endless noise of the world where we can rediscover ourselves and enjoy the moment undisturbed.

That being said, I can’t imagine going backward and doing everything “the old way.” I love computers. Probably that’s why I have so many of them. I love my Kindle, my big screen high def TV and so many other things. Life is easier with technology. Maybe what I’d like back is just being young. I wouldn’t mind a bit of that.

WHY I DON’T LOVE CELL PHONES

Everyone loves their cell phone except me, or anyway that’s how it feels. I know there are other people like me who are not enchanted with the technology, but it’s dreadfully unfashionable to express an anti-cell phone opinion.

I am not a fan. It’s not because I’m stodgy and old, though I’m probably both those things among many others. It’s because they are good for almost everything except their original purpose. Making phone calls. The audio quality is pathetic. They disconnect randomly and often. I need reading glasses to see anything on the screen. I could forgive everything else if I could make a phone call — or receive one — and know I’d be able to communicate with the other party with a reasonable likelihood of staying connected all the way to the end of the call while hearing and being heard.

iphone-whiteIronically, our old cell phones, the big klutzy brick like ones we had back in the 90s, were better telephones than the iPhone or any other phone you can get now. They connected, stayed connected. You could hear the person on the other end and they could hear you. The batteries lasted for days, not hours and you could get a signal anywhere. You could have conversations that didn’t include a single “can you hear me?” How amazing is that?

Today’s phones are miniature entertainment centers. But I don’t need an entertainment center. I need a portable telephone. So I can talk to people when I’m away from home. Is that too much to ask?

As for taking pictures on my phone, why? I carry a compact point and shoot wherever I go. It has a superzoom and takes high quality pictures. I like cameras. I have a lot of them. I don’t need my phone to be a camera. Or a movie theater. Or to listen to music. The whole “listening to music on your cell” is weird to me. The speakers are so tinny, why would you want to use them for music? I need a telephone.

I know the younger generations would rather text, but they were born with pointy little thumbs. Alas, but I have big, cumbersome, slow thumbs designed for grasping tools, an advanced monkey version of thumbs.

So I don’t like cell phones, or more accurately, I don’t like the cell phones they make these days. They are light, small and totally adorable.  And useless for making phone calls. Which is the only use I have for them. For everything else, I have computers, cameras, readers, GPS, radios, CD players. DVD players, televisions and little music players.

Does anyone actually use their cell phone to call anyone anymore? Just wondering.