Too much wit

I outwitted myself. I was trying to tell the world, without being totally depressing, I’ve got some issues with my heart and am not in a good place, physically or emotionally. I’ve had a great deal of surgery, from a double mastectomy less than two years ago, to multiple redesigns of my digestive system, to remodeling of my spine … with varying degrees of success. I’m a mass of scars — literal, not figurative — and now, I seem to need a new mitral valve and who knows what else.

heartAndTest

I don’t feel well and I’m having a hard time being witty, clever, and frankly — right now — writing at all.

So I apologize for trying to set my own issues subtly in a post about A-Rod. No one even noticed what I said I guess. Regardless, I’m having trouble keeping up with this. I’m having trouble breathing. Walking. And given one thing and another, thinking. I’m confused, frightened, and not sure what I am going to do.

For now, I need to drink coffee and see if I can make my brain function. I feel like my head is stuffed with kapok.

Me, A-Rod and Raw Onion

The Major League Baseball logo.

I have good days and bad. This wasn’t an especially good one. Not after my doctor called to mention in addition to the bad mitral valve, I have significant cardiomyopathy. Keep calm, stay hydrated and blog on. So here I am. Blogging on.

The good news? I’m unlikely to die of cancer. My heart will probably give out first.

The bad news? I think my career in professional baseball is over.

The A-Rod show has come at a perfect time for me, if not for MLB. It’s such high entertainment it has successfully distracted me from what would otherwise be a full descent into a puddle of self-pity.

Me and A-Fraud. Except that I never got the $275,000,000 contract or took all those performance enhancing drugs, now given this cool nickname of PEDs. You’d think if I’m going to have all the health issues, I could at least have had fun and gotten paid big bucks too. Like Alex baby.

A-Rod was on television — all over television — explaining how this has been the worst year of his life. Poor guy. He’s been humiliated by cheating and lying while getting paid staggering sums of money. He’s had health issues, but I’ll swap him any day of the week. Talk about clueless. He genuinely thinks we should feel sorry for him, not because of what he did, but because — take a deep breath — HE GOT CAUGHT! How embarrassing. What could be worse than having to publicly admit to wrong-doing when you’ve actually done wrong? But not to worry. Mr. Rodriguez is not admitting to anything by golly. He’s being picked on by Major League Baseball and the Yankees. He’s a victim, not a bad guy! Even if you don’t follow sports, this is one of those stories that has got to leave you with your jaw hanging.

Watching A-Rod be sincere on TV last night took my breath away. He used the same degree of sincerity as he did when he denied having taken steroids or even being tempted to take them. I loved that line. That is the definition of chutzpah and he’s not even Jewish. He said we should not judge him on his past. Let’s just move forward and trust him because he is a better man, a changed man, an honorable guy who loves baseball. And his paycheck. He’s had a hard time. (Bite lower lip, look victimized.)

That’s like a recidivist explaining to a jury that all his crimes are in the past. He promises not to hold up any more banks. Can’t we all forgive, forget and give him the fresh start he deserves?

Yeah, right. I have a bridge to sell.

While I’m working on recovering my sense of humor, I’m waiting for A-Rod’s next press conference. Garry and I were both surprised he didn’t produce a single tear. My husband feels that for $275,000,000 he should be able to cry on cue. I wondered how come he didn’t palm a piece of raw onion. A tear would have sealed the deal.

Personally, I have not found that crying helps much, but I don’t get press conferences. Just doctor appointments.

Druids Vs. Olympians — Hunted by Kevin Hearne — The Audiobook

Not content with having read the book, I also had to listen to it. Usually, if I like the book in one form, I like it equally well (or nearly so) in another. This, however, was not the case this time. I still love the book. But I have issues with the narration.

Hunted, by Kevin Hearne, is the sixth book in the Iron Druid Series. It’s an action-packed run-for-your-life tour of Europe. Atticus and Granuaile should definitely have taken a cruise, or something relaxing. I’m pretty sure as honeymoon’s go, this wasn’t the best choice. Not that they had any choice in the matter.

Atticus O’Sullivan, the 2000-year-old last of the Roman Druids is running top speed across Europe. Romania, Germany, Holland, France … then swimming the English channel to get to the woods by Windsor Castle. This is not exercise — it’s survival — and as he (Granuaile and Oberon) race, they are fending off two angry, homicidal Olympian goddesses — Artemis and Diana. And as experienced hunters, they are formidable adversaries.

Atticus messed with Bacchus and put him on a slow time island. Although it was self-defense, the Olympians aren’t interested in why. They are just pissed off. Actually, more than that, watching the druids try to outrun the goddesses has become a sporting event for a wide range of deities.They don’t seem so upset about Bacchus as they are eager to kill Atticus as well as Granuaile and Oberon. Freeing their crazy family member and co-deity is not their biggest issue.

The usual ways open to Druids of shifting to the safety of Tír na nÓg, are closed. Every tree and grove is guarded. The old ways are locked tight — leaving them running long, hard, and fast in whatever physical forms and using whatever magic they can. They no longer have Morrigan’s help, though they get some assistance from other immortals.

It does seem that just about everyone and everything is out to get them. Old enemies and new, vampires, gods and goddesses, dark elves, and some weird things who fit no category. Sea monsters. And Loki’s on the loose bringing Ragnarök with him. The world is going to end. That’s sort of Atticus’ fault. Sort of. Sides are forming up for the big battle at the end of the world — Ragnarök – the Apocalypse — is it the end? Of everything? Could there be a new beginning? It’s never happened before, so who’s to know?

No one’s banking on anything but death and destruction, so avoiding it as long as possible seems the sensible choice.

Sensible isn’t part of the equation anymore. No one wants to negotiate, no one feels like chatting. It’s kill or be killed. It’s magic, weapons, a race to find a safe haven — hide and seek along the way. No matter where they go, what they do, the Druids and all of their allies — and enemies — know the big finale is unavoidable. It will leave no one untouched. Meanwhile, the goal is to stay alive.

Atticus and Granuaile have almost no time in this book — to my disappointment — to develop the relationship they began after Granuaile was finally bound to Gaia and became a full Druid. There’s no time now … and given the perils, there may never be time. Not enough, anyway. A day, a few hours, grabbed here and there. This couple is not going to get that leisurely honeymoon, unless you count touring Europe in various forms – stag, horse, sea-lion, sea otter, falcon, mountain lion, wolfhound — and of course, invisible. Most of the time, naked, a traditional form of battle dress for Celts, but not romantic.

Luke Daniels, the narrator is skilled and he does a fine job with Atticus and Granuaile … and all other humanoids, but I really disliked his voicing of Oberon. It sounded like Bugs Bunny and was, to my mind, definitely unsuitable for the great wolfhound. I let it slide by me, but every time the voice came one, I got annoyed. I also didn’t like his voicing of a bunch of the other secondary characters. Fine on the two Druids, but not fine on the others. Fortunately, there’s more good narration than bad … but be warned: if you don’t like the idea of a dumb sounding Oberon with a lisp or cartoon deities from various pantheons, you won’t like this audiobook.

This is the most high-speed book of the series to date. I had hoped for more character interaction and a bit less breathless and perpetual motion. If you like action — and who doesn’t? — there’s more than enough fighting, battling, scheming, running, swimming, dying, recovering — but not much conversation. No down time. Not much relationship development. The book is a bridge to the next. Which is necessary. But you won’t get resolution, not yet. Next book soon please!

It’s beautifully written (as always). This is the first book in which Granuaile has her own voice. She’s a full character now, co-equal with Atticus. Chapters alternate in the first person, her speaking, him speaking. At first, it jarred me a little, but then, I liked it. Nice to have both a male and female primary character in a fantasy novel. I can’t remember if I’ve ever read a book in this genre where both sexes had equal roles. It takes a bit of getting used to, but it’s all good.

I’m not going to give anything away. No spoilers, sorry.

If you are a fan of the series, you will like the book. It’s probably not quite what you expect, but it’s a critical link for what’s coming.

It’s Granuaile’s coming of age — and in its own way, also Atticus’ coming of age. Although you would think he’s seen it and done it all in his very long life, not so. He hasn’t had a lot of human friends, much less lovers. There’s a lot of new stuff for him to work his way through. Having a real relationship with a human woman requires relearning old habits. Like any relationship, come to think of it.

There are a lot of plot twists. Not all endings are happy. There are victories and temporary wins. Holding actions. I’m not sure there are solid victories to be had as the world draws ever closer to Ragnarök. It’s all about survival, treachery and slippery alliances. The fate of the world hangs on a razor’s edge. See you next book!

If you have not read the previous books, don’t start with this one. There is a lot of history and the characters have all been built through the entire series. They won’t make sense without the earlier books.

The book is also available in paperback and on Kindle. And, obviously, as a download from Audible.com. This is the first of the audio versions I’ve read. I don’t know that I will try another. I think I’ll stick with printed words for this series.