SHOCKING DISCOVERIES

You think you know someone. You hang out with them, exchange emails, jokes, and anecdotes. Maybe you even work with them. Then, one day, out of the blue, you discover they are fundamentalist Christians who believe you are going to Hell, a hard-core right-wing Republican. Conspiracy theorist. Believer in the upcoming zombie apocalypse.

fobidden planet poster

I lived in Jerusalem for almost 9 years. Big surprise, you meet a lot of people who are sure they are Jesus Christ come back to finish his work on Earth. One of them worked at the local pizza joint and seemed perfectly normal, until in the middle of a casual conversation, he would drop a bomb about his mission and there you were, transported to wacko central.

I had a casual friend who was a piano player. He sang and played at fancy hotel lounges, like the Hilton Hotel lounge. He was, like me, an American, so it was inevitable we would meet. We struck up a little chatty relationship. One night, he called and invited me over. He had something important to tell me.

Important? Our relationship consisted of reminiscing about life in the U.S. in the 1960s — and I’d done his horoscope. I was (coincidentally) the astrology columnist and managing editor of a short-lived English-language weekly. Please, let’s not discuss astrology or my psychic abilities (or lack thereof). You don’t want to know and I don’t want to tell you.

Having nothing better to do at the time, I walked over to his house (just around the corner) and we got to talking. Suddenly, I knew. He was going to tell me one of two things: he was an alien and came from on another planet or galaxy … or … he was Jesus Christ.

edward-gorey-donald-imagined-thingsIt was the latter. Another Jesus. He wanted me, because of my brilliant psychic abilities, to be Paul and spread the word. I worked very hard to tell him that his timing was off and I would be sure to advise him when the right moment arrived. Then I fled into the night and home. He was one of several people who convinced me there was no future for me in the psychically predictive arts.

Then there was the guy I worked with at one or another of the many high-tech companies at which I was employed who one day informed me of his intention to quit his job and move to an underground bunker in anticipation of the coming apocalypse. I hadn’t even done his horoscope.

Not surprisingly, a series of these unwelcome surprises has made more than slightly wary of prospective friends. I’m afraid of what will be revealed as we get to know each other better.

spaceThe thing about people who believe in cabals, believe they were dropped from an alien space craft (or will be leaving on one shortly), are certain that God has assigned them a mission … ?

You can’t argue with them.

You can’t point out the incongruities and contradictions of their beliefs. They believe what they believe and that’s that. There’s no point in offering facts. They will ignore all evidence that goes against their world-view.

These folks make me nervous. What happens when they (inevitably) decide I am one of their (many) enemies?



Categories: Anecdote, Humor, Israel, Sci Fi - Fantasy - Time Travel, You can't make this stuff up, Zombie Apocalypse

Tags: , , , , , ,

27 replies

  1. I’ve just discovered your blog Marilyn and really enjoyed this post. It’s sharp and witty and kept me on my toes. And I like the clever and critical tone of your blog in general; there’s a lot of moralistic junk out in the blogsphere and not enough searching for intelligent life. Thanks for the post!

    PS. I don’t subscribe to any belief system. I think we arrive at the best world-view through open and constant questioning and dialogue, not by sectioning off the complexity of experience in favour of a ‘belief system’.

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    • I totally agree. I also think if you don’t let yourself wander down some of the wrong roads, you miss the fun of discovery. I’ve tried on a lot of belief systems to see how they fit. Some worked for a while, some were tossed out immediately, but I always learned something new, found the experience interesting, no matter what the ultimate outcome.

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  2. I’ve never met anyone who thought they were Jesus. Sometimes I think my wife thinks she’s God. 😛

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  3. Madness is also interesting. I think we can be intrigued by someone because they’re interesting and then, wham, we also learn they’re insane. I’m frightened of the NOT insane religious fanatics, the ones who have CHOSEN to believe the world is 6000 years old and Jesus rode a dinosaur. The ones who REFUSE education. Most of all, I want to know how you got the snow to fall on your blog because I want that, too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Even though I am certainly old enough to have had an experience similar to yours (not the psychic writing part) I cannot recall one. That’s a good thing! I can only imagine how uncomfortable you must have been while listening to his beliefs and especially when he told you where you would fit into his plan!

    Like

    • It is weird and disconcerting. It also makes you wonder whether you are as astute as you thought you were. Like — how could you miss the fact that the guy is nuts? It has happened to me at least three times and each time, it makes me wonder about ME. Not only how I missed the signs (there must have been some signs) and why they were attracted to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hahahaha, you explained that with such humor, I especially chuckled at your last line – “…and why they were attracted to me.” Which I have thought the same thing at times, just can’t remember when or why, but do remember wondering about myself. 😉

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  5. I wonder – these people who quit life and go into a bunker convinced the end of the world is nigh – if they come out 40 years later and everything is much as they left it, are they dismayed they’ve wasted their life or happy the world is still going?

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    • I have no idea. I don’t think they see the world the same way we do. For all I know, they see “changes” we don’t see that convince them they were right all along. It’s clear to me their signal-to-brain functionality runs on a different currency.

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  6. It would be easier if people with radical beliefs always came with a warning label but sometimes they seem such nice, friendly people that it comes as a shock when you hear what they think and believe.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Give them the perfect Christmas gift, a brightly colored aluminum hat like Tom Terrific used to wear, 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. A close friend stopped her son playing with mine years ago… they were best friends and had been for years… simply because she found out my views, never hidden – just lived- did not fit within her orthodix parameters and I would, of course, be headed ‘south’ on Judgement Day. I find that such a sad thing.

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