We were in the car driving home and I was trying to remember all ten of the commandments. No special reason. I just thought I should know them, what with all the fuss about them all over our landscape. In theory at least, they are the basis of law. So how come I don’t know them off the top of my head?

After dredging up seven or eight, depending on how I divided the “How to behave to God” sections which contains a lot of run-on sentences any of which could be interpreted as two or even three commandments but I suppose for convenience have been lumped into one, I was lost. I needed Google.


I asked Garry if he knew the ten commandments. He replied, with irritation, he had to pay attention to traffic. There wasn’t any traffic, except for one slow driver in front of us but I suppose Garry needed a lot of self-control to not ram him. I don’t think there’s a commandment pertaining to slow drivers, but feel free to add one.

Finally, Garry admitted he didn’t know all of them either, at least not in order.

“A sad state of affairs,” I point out, “When two educated souls such as we cannot recite the ten commandments.”

“There’s a lot of stuff about not making idols and coveting.”

“Yeah, and taking one day off each week.”

When I got home, I looked them up.

It turns out there are quite a few “how to behave to God” commandments. Not all Christians — much less Jews — divide them up the same way. You can count as many as fifteen (à la Mel Brooks in “History of the World, Part I”) or as few as eight. It depends on how you look at them and punctuate the sentences.

Following are the Big Ten according to most Protestant sects, plus a second list containing my streamlined, easy-to-remember set.

Note: This sequence was removed from the film in Israel when I lived there. The Rabbis had no sense of humor.

Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:2-17 NKJV)

  1. “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. You shall have no other gods before Me.
  2. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My Commandments.
  3. “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.
  4. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.
  5. “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
  6. “You shall not murder.
  7. “You shall not commit adultery.
  8. “You shall not steal.
  9. “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
  10. “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”

Modernization is all the rage, so here’s my take on them. Not etched in stone. For the sake of today’s prompt, jealousy is mentioned once in the second commandment where it is good because it’s the Lord’s prerogative. In the tenth, it’s covetousness which is not good because jealousy is good for God, but not for us.

A Streamlined Top Ten

  1. I’m God, the One and Only. Don’t forget it, or me.
  2. Idols are O-U-T.
  3. Don’t swear using my name. Maybe don’t swear at all.
  4. Take a break on the seventh day of your week. It doesn’t matter what day you choose because when I started making the world, there were no calendars. So take your pick, then stick to it. Everyone gets the same day off, including your family, guests, slaves, servants, and animals. No work. Got that?
  5. Respect your parents. Take care of them.
  6. Don’t murder anyone.
  7. Don’t cheat on your spouse.
  8. Don’t steal.
  9. Don’t lie.
  10. Don’t envy other people’s stuff. You’ve got your own.

I’m just here to help.

Categories: Daily Prompt, Ethics and Philosophy, Religion, Sayings and Platitudes

Tags: , , , , , , ,

32 replies

  1. I think they’re hilarious and really show you that God knew who he was dealing with. It must have been like the meeting that led me to quit the co-op. “Thou shalt not covet.” “Covet what? is it OK if I wish I had a cow like my neighbor’s cow?” “No. Thou shalt not covet the cow.” “How about his ass? He has a great one that helps him with his ploughing and that he can ride.” “No, not the ass either. Not the cow not the ass.” “Yeah, but his wife? She’s a hottie and I don’t think he does her ever Friday like he’s supposed to.” “No. Not his wife. Look, Levi, let me spell it out for you.” Etc.

    God must have been frustrated constantly with his chosen people. “Moses.” “I hear voices.” “It’s me, over here, burning and not being consumed.” “Whoa, are you…?” “Yes. I am he that shall not be named. I have a list of things for you to tell my people. I tried to spell them out in detail because you KNOW how they are.” “Great. We need this now that we’re not being controlled by the Egyptians. We need some order. Who shall I say sent them?” “I don’t have a name. I simply AM.” “OK, so I say ‘I Am sent these?’ cause they’re not going to buy it.” “I AM, dammit. That’s the message. What’s in a name?” “A rose is a rose is a rose!” “OK, for THAT you don’t get to go to the Land of Milk and Honey. And tell them I’m Jehovah.” “Jehovah? What kind of name is that?” “GET OUT OF HERE!!!”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is brilliant. I love your take on the commandments. I read them out to my son who loved them too.


  3. History of the World Part I is an awesome movie. It’s good to be king.


  4. I just loved this. Posted it on my FB page. Thanks! Tasha

    Sent via the Samsung GALAXY S® 5, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone


  5. Quite an improvement over the original, Marilyn.


  6. So many “shall nots”, which happen to be all the fun stuff.., so what are we allowed to DO? I’m just asking’…


  7. Nothing beats Mel Brooks 🙂


  8. Of course driving behind a bad driver is covered by the Ten Commandments – #3 and #6.


  9. As long as your streamlined version doesn’t demand the same punishment of death for a lot of them, like the originals do.


  10. Loved the clip! Saturday is my seventh day. Just no way I am leaving the apartment! Have a good weekend!


  11. Now if you had wrote them at the beginning when Marilyn created it all, I might have joined in as a groupie. I must admit I sort of knew them roughly, but not belonging anywhere, except in WordPress, Blogger and Facebook, I am a little out of touch. I think your version is the best, and much more understandable. By the way Mr. Swiss would also have used the road traffic to defer from the core of the matter, although I think he knows them better than me in a sort of Swiss reform church way.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Great. Thanks for streamlining.


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