Tell us about the time when you performed a secret random act of kindness — where the recipient of your kindness never found out about your good deed. How did the deed go down?
Throughout my adult life, since I was old enough to be responsible for my own actions, I have given when I could to people who needed it. And I have received — if not in equal measure, certainly when in real need — from others, though rarely from the people to whom I have given. Karma doesn’t work like that.
I assume this is not talking about holding a door or helping someone put groceries in their trunk. Letting someone who is obviously in a hurry go before you on the cashier’s line. Changing seats on the bus or airplane so someone else can be nearer their husband or child … or the toilet. I don’t consider such things kindnesses, but rather common courtesies everyone should extend to everyone else. Always, without thought or regard for payback or even thanks. I couldn’t even remember 99% of them. They are to me — and I assume to most people — automatic. Programmed into our social DNA. Or should be. Just call them “manners.”
I don’t keep score. I’ve taken people in when they had nowhere to go, sometimes for years. I have been taken in when I had nowhere to go. I’ve fed the hungry and been fed when I was hungry. I’ve delivered groceries to people in dire need, given clothing, computers, musical instruments, books, bags, furniture and the occasional automobile because I had more than I needed and they didn’t have enough. Was it done in secret? No. I usually respond to needs spontaneously when someone makes it known. I hear they need a coat, would love to own that book, need a car. Don’t know how they’re going to feed the family this week. I give what I have to fill a need.
Does it make the gift less worthy? I don’t think so. Do I require a lifetime of gratitude in exchange? You’re kidding, right?
It reminds me of the story told about William Randolph Hearst, who remarked upon seeing an old adversary on the street, “I don’t know why he hates me, I never did him a favor.” And there are many similar quotes.
“Hope has a good memory, gratitude a bad one.” — Baltasar Gracian.
“Revenge is profitable, gratitude is expensive.” — Edward Gibbon
Dr. Malherbe of Natal University said to Field Marshal Smuts as he left a political meeting, “Why were those two hecklers at the back so bitterly hostile?” Smuts replied, “I understand the feelings of one of them very well indeed. He and I were brought up together in the same small town in the Western Cape. I got him his first appointment—and his second. In fact, he owes all his worldly success to me. But I don’t know why the other was so hostile. I never did him a favor in my life.”
“You did him a favor. He’ll never forgive you for that.” — The Boxer 1997
Those are the tip of the iceberg. If you do a good deed, do not expect it to come back to you as gratitude or in kind. Such expectations will doom you to disappointment.
Acts of kindness and generosity do not make friendships. More often than not, they stir up resentment. People hate owing debts of gratitude. The most popular people are always those who don’t do anything for anybody. Those are the folks who are admired and adored, followed and emulated. Don’t ask me why. Human nature is a peculiar thing. The longer I live, the less sense it makes.
If you figure it out, be sure to let me know. It’s one of the deepest secrets of life. Very deep. Very secret.
- Daily Prompt: Random Act of Kindness (dailypost.wordpress.com)
- Daily Prompt: Random Act of Kindness | Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss
- A little mind-twister on random kindnesses | Rob’s Surf Report
- Random Acts of Kindness | News by Carolyn Perez
- Random Acts of Kindness: The Travel Edition | Travel. Garden. Eat.
- Kindness Is Not Always Random
- The Lurker’s List | Secret Kindness
- Why It’s Good To Give In Secret | The Jittery Goat
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Categories: Life, Quotation, Relationships
SERENDIPITY - SEEKING INTELLIGENT LIFE ON EARTH 
As far as Christmas goes … I feel a bit like Scrooge. I feel like I’m being pressured or forced to give at Christmas – and waste my money (that I really don’t have much of) on stuff that people don’t really want or need. It really takes the joy out of it and can actually be pretty depressing. I think a lot of people try to practice Christmas all year around. I sure do. So what’s the deal with Christmas?
Yes, by all means get together with family and friends and love each other. Have a nice dinner and enjoy each other.
But the ‘gift’ thing ??
And stop telling kids that all that stuff comes from Santa Claus. It more likely comes from someone’s sweat and hard work over the whole year – not some invisible guy from outer space.
I’m wondering if more and more people aren’t rightfully moving to a less material Christmas. I hope so.
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I stopped exchanging gifts with ANYONE except my best friend and her husband and immediate family (my kid, his wife and my granddaughter — and Garry) years ago. I simply said that I no longer wanted to exchange gifts. I can’t afford it and can’t afford to buy anything anyone needs or wants. After initial objections, everyone settled down and the idea spread so most people I know do not exchange gifts with anyone but close family. You need to say it. And then set a spending limit EVEN with close family. Garry and I have a $50-75 limit on each other. AFTER Christmas, if we have a little money, we go together and hit the post-holiday clearance sales. We both get what we really want (and try it on so we know it fits) and we have fun doing it. I know a LOT of couples who do the same. It works. You just have to talk about it and not feel guilty. There’s no law that says you have to bankrupt yourself every December. I used to do that because I love buying presents, but I’ve learned to stick to my own rules — harder than I thought it would be. It’s been good all the way around. Try it next year (a little late for this year). It might save Christmas for you.
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I want to express to you how much your kindness in emails have meant to me. Your generosity of time, kind words and emotional support have really made a difference in my time(s) of need.
You did a act of kindness to a stranger.
Thank you!
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It is no hardship for me. I like you 🙂 I’ve had a lot of rough times so I know how important a little TLC can be. You’ve been going through some difficult days. I know how it feels. I’m happy to be there for you.
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Very, very well written Marilyn. I have always wished I could do something that REALLY matters.
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We all do. But I think we all matter. In our own way, we all are important and make a difference.
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I guess. I tried to volunteer for Big Brothers/Sisters and they told me the wait was 2 years???
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Some areas have a lot of volunteers. Big brother/sister is very popular in Boston, too. On the other hand, it’s really hard to get volunteers to work at the homeless shelters. Or pet shelters, for that matter. No one wants to deal with dirty crazy street people … or dogs that may wind up being put to death. I try to make charity personal and help people I actually know who need help. I don’t get a tax credit, but at least I know my efforts are not wasted.
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I don’t care to be specific but if I can make someone’s day I don’t hesitate. Picking up the tab at restaurants for elderly couples or homeless transients comes to mind. Paying for a friend to see a doctor because she didn’t have the $100 minimum to make an appointment. I just get a sense that I can make a difference regardless of my own situation. We are all put here to help each other. We just need to learn to listen and obey.
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Yes, me too. But you’d be surprised at how many people are closer to scrooge than you or me. Poor people are more generous than rich people — we understand how hard it is to survive with very little.
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There is empathy there for sure.
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