UNFASHIONABLY DRESSED FOR KICKING BUCKETS

Kick the Bucket?

Whose bucket? Not my bucket. Because I don’t have a bucket. I also don’t have a “never” list because most of my life seems to have been made up of things I was never going to do, buying things I never thought I’d need. Going places I would never go. Working at jobs I never knew existed. Learning things I though too unimportant to bother with.

Most of my “Nevers” turned out to be edible words which aren’t tasty. As I have aged and a modicum of commonsense has taken charge of my mouth, I’ve learned to never say “never.” If you say “I will never do (fill in the blank),” you are guaranteeing you will do it. Those luscious words ere spoke are noticeably less yummy when you have to choke them back down.

Marilyn Herself 9

We are going to a party today. Before exiting the bedroom, I made a rare side trip and took a look at the “good clothes” part of my closet. I discovered all of my dress clothing is black. Not most of it. ALL of it. No matter how I configure it. The dresses are black, the pants are black. The sweaters, tunics and jackets are black.

Finally, after all these years, I know why everything is black. Yes, world, there are actual reasons and here are mine:

  1. Black makes you look thinner, usually.
  2. Black doesn’t show where you dribbled pasta sauce down your front.
  3. Jewelry looks great against black.

I am also set for any funeral I might have to attend on the fly.

Fashion issues don’t arise until I get all the way down to my feet. High (or even medium to low) heels and I parted ways years ago. I am too wobbly nowadays and I won’t risk my ankles. Also, the air gets thin when I have to walk around on my toes. Not to mention the pain.

None of my dressy clothing looks good with clogs. It looks even dopier with Uggs.

When (if) we talk about fashion, I am not even a tangential part of the conversation. Do we talk about fashion? Other than to make snarky comments about how hideous some celebrity looks? Do I even know “what’s in” for the adult set? I can tell you what teenagers are wearing. I have a granddaughter and she’s quite the little fashion plate … but grownups?

What are the over-40 set wearing? Just wondering. Because today, I have to go to a party and have no idea what to wear.

Oh, I just got a flash! New black yoga pants. Black sweater. Lots of silver and turquoise jewelry. Something on my feet. Everyone will notice the jewelry; no one will notice my clothing.

It’s a plan!



Categories: Daily Prompt, Holidays, Humor, Personal

Tags: , , , , ,

46 replies

  1. Beautifully dressed for any occasion. How can you go wrong with classic black and some tasteful jewelry? Not to mention your own blazon of argent beauty.
    xo,
    Kathryn

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    • My own blazon of argent beauty. Gosh! Thank you, I think 🙂 You can’t go wrong with black is the motto of almost every woman in the Northeast, from Washington DC to Maine. All those women can’t be wrong!

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  2. It looks like there are a lot of us out there wearing pants,comfy flat shoes and black and why not? The important thing is we wear what makes us feel good and I feel good when I’m comfortable.

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  3. Honesty, I think all everyone needs is a beautiful scarf. I’ve been getting large ones and using them as shawls. Always makes me feel elegant and works beautifully with all black. It’s also freezing now so they’re practical!

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  4. I wondered that, too. I even posted on Facebook (last year when I had to go to a party) “What do 60 something women wear?” The wife of a friend answered me with a list of shops (online) that cater to “us.” Well they don’t fucking cater to me. I’m going to the great beyond in paisley velvet leggings, pixie boots and a long sweater. I’d better put that on my bucket list because so far all I have are the leggings.

    BUT — I found THIS and I actually think I will be taking the advice offered here sometime in spring when, god-willing, my return to a life of exercise (thank god) should have yielded some results and if not? I’ll follow it whatever size I am — except for white jeans. NOT going there. http://www.aarp.org/entertainment/style-trends/info-09-2013/style-guide-for-women-over-50.1.html

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    • That is pretty much what I wear anyway, though I wear yoga pants more than jeans these days. More comfortable and surprisingly nice looking. When I wear jeans, they are usually boot cut. Booties? Do they mean short boots? If so, I just got my first pair. I wear a lot of long sweaters and tunics. Comfortable and usually flattering. I think that’s how most of us dress. “High fashion” — whatever that means — really isn’t aimed at us. For me, it never was. I don’t think my life is designed for white pants of any kind. Neither is my body 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Black is definitely a great color that works with just about any other. I’m not talking fashion (Everything in my closet is the same), but in designing cartoon characters! Skunks are great because you can throw literally any color hair on top of its head, and it looks great. It’s impossible to mismatch hair color with black fur. I’m sure they would look smashing in pretty much any outfit as well…

    If this isn’t the most nonsensical comment you ever got on this blog, I’ll eat every pair of my black jeans!

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    • Start chewing that denim, because you aren’t even in the running for top spot in the moronic comment sweepstakes. YOU have a blog … you know how many comments are not only stupid, but they seem to come from another dimension. I sometimes wonder if the people who read the post are the same species as me.

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  6. I love black! All of my underwear is black too and yes in MY mind I look thinner ( Contrast ) . My boots and shoes are black. It’s easier to pack and accessorize. When I occasionally add an accent color of red or turquoise or gray it’s a wow moment. I bet you looked great and trendy and all the other women wore black too !

    Here’s a question: Is it “gray” or “grey” ?

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  7. I gave up greys and yellow because they make me look more grey and yellow. Black will do nicely.

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  8. I can’t recommend anything. Being a woman takes more work than being a man.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am 1m 75 cm tall. Mr. Swiss 1m 73cm tall and my sons both about 1m 85cm tall, so work it out. I do not wear heels generally, although I have something to raise my foot in the shoe at the heel, because I have problems otherwise (due to diabetes). I knew a girl in the office who mostly wore black because she thought it always looked good, and it does. I like to mix my black trousers with something blue on top. I am a blue person (have blue eyes). I like contrast colours, but not too bright and contrasting. I only wear black coats and jackets because it matches almost everything. I avoid green when I can. I wore it for six years as the main colour of my school uniform.
    I only really began to think of bucket lists because of the constant reminders from the WordPress daily prompts, but if they enjoy it why not. I do my own thing in any case.

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    • Since my hair went white, I can wear dark green, but light green and pastels makes me look like a corpse. I am short and used to love heels for the extra inches. No more of that! I have shrunk, too. I was 5’3″ when I was in my prime and now I’m barely 5 feet. I really got into wearing black when I was working because everything went with it, I didn’t have to think about what i would wear. If the pants/skirt was black, any sweater I owned would be okay. And I didn’t have to have 10 different colors of shoes, either. Now have a lot of red sweaters — which look fine with black. Some blue, some navy, a bit of green, some dark grey and a bit of taupe (not one of my good shade). If I wear makeup, I can wear almost any color except yellow.

      I never wore a school uniform, but every uniform in America seems to be navy blue. Whenever I wear it, except for denim, I feel like I should also have a badge from the electric company or something 🙂

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  10. Black is such a neutral color that it goes with anything and for mostly any occasion. You made me chuckle when you said that you are ready to go for any funeral. I hope you do not have to attend one, though.

    Most of my office clothes are brightly colored as they are traditional Zambian ones, and Zambian materials are bright by ‘nature’. However, my Western clothes are generally black not because I like the color but it just happened.

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    • I wear a lot of red these days. Since everything else is black, it works. I love bright colors, but I got into the habit of neutrals when I was working. That way, I didn’t have to figure out what matched because EVERYTHING matched 🙂

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  11. Cowboy boots go with anything, and you can get them with low low heels. Barring that, black tennis shoes (to blend). 🙂 I wouldn’t know fashion of it came up and bit me, but I can blend with the rest of them.

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  12. So perfect! Now that I am silver haired, I think black looks even better! Like you, I have had to stop wearing heels or even flats if I’m going to be standing around. I went to a party last night in black pants, a black sweater with a bright red scarf and my black Dansko clogs. Hopefully my witty repartee stopped anyone from noticing my huge feet. Hope the party is fun!

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  13. I too have a closet full of black- at least 15 black skirts, believe it or not. The black thing started when I was working in NYC. I have attempted to bring some color into my wardrobe these days, as the older I get the more the black washes me out. You probably always look great in black with the contrast of your hair. Silver & turquoise against a black top is fabulous! Tunics are very in this year over leggings.

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    • Makes it hard to find stuff, doesn’t it? I have a light in my closet and I still can’t figure out which is which because everything is black 🙂 Actually, I don’t look great in black anymore, unless I wear makeup and I rarely wear makeup. But I’ll wear at least blush today so I don’t have that zombie thing happening. Have tunics, no leggings. Bought some, but they were the wrong size and wound up going to the granddaughter.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. My wife wears black all of the time. It is just her thing.

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  15. I don’t generally go to parties anymore, except family get-togethers where no one really cares what I look like so long as I actually show up (for a change). For work, I sometimes need to dress somewhat “professionally” – but I gave up dresses and skirts in favor of pant suits, and due to my plantar fasciitis, I gave up dress shoes for black New Balance walkers (they actually don’t look all that bad with pant suits). Sometimes I get weird looks from the younger, very fashionable paralegals, but hey, when they get to be my age they may not look so great either. And I know my business better than they do.

    I’ve gotten to the point where I really don’t much care about making impressions, so long as my hair is combed, my teeth are brushed, I don’t smell, and I actually have all pieces of clothing on (and in the spots where they’re supposed to be).

    BTW, this is the second post I read today, and on which I commented, where the word “bucket” or “bucket list” appears. I think God may be trying to tell me something.

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    • I think the bucket list is overused and in poor taste too … but given the situation with WordPress, we should probably consider ourselves lucky there’s anything at all.

      I can wear my regular cloggy shoes with pants, but dresses really bad. Which means my dresses pretty much don’t get worn ever. Probably not today, either. I can’t do the whole wobbly painful feet thing.

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  16. Black is so easy. Most of my dress clothes are black too.

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  17. Black turtleneck for me, mebbe?

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  18. It’s true I wore red socks the other night that’s all people noticed 🙂 enjoy!

    Liked by 2 people

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