I am both proud and humble (an ambivalent state of mind, to be sure) to be the first all-powerful, all-knowing (but generally benevolent unless crossed) Empress of the Internet.

72-alien-102914_14 computer keyboard

My first decree will make high-speed Internet access free and universal. No matter who you are, and where you live … you have Internet access. High speed quality access.

Next, I will demand better software design, more reasonable copyright laws, and far, far lower rates for services of all kinds.

Too long have we been in thrall to the mega-corporate pirates. They who have held our virtual world for ransom will pay the ultimate price — a lifetime without WiFi. I sentence them all to a future of copper wire and gigantic bills from Cable Providers with no escape. Ever.
computer gargoyle

We will also provide you with the computer of your choice, one for each person who signs my loyalty pledge. What, you thought it would be free, no strings? Dream on!

Tablet, laptop, desktop using whatever operating system suits your personal style. My goal is to make your life easier and more fun. Maybe even more productive.

Additional devices will be available at very affordable prices.

I wish I could also give you a decent medical plan and a job, but at least if you’re dying of untreated disease and malnutrition because you can’t buy groceries, you’ll be able to complain about it on the Internet. It’s the least I can do.

Thank you for making me Empress. I will be the most magnanimous yet firm-minded monarch ever. Go in peace!

Categories: Computers, Daily Prompt, Humor, Technology, Writing

Tags: , , , , , ,

26 replies

  1. I am totally in and am even willing to an extra finder’s fee or tax:)


  2. Are there any positions in the Empress’ Cabinet for maybe a Minister of Small Animals, or perhaps a court jester? Can my cats each have a computer as well? They’ve always been wanting to post human memes on the internet…


    • Oh, absolutely. Garry and I are ready to support your upcoming run for U.S. President, too. And in my campaign to computerize everyone everywhere, I would never neglect our furry friends. Bonnie already uses my computer after I go to bed. She leave paw prints on my keyboard.


  3. I always knew there was something special about you. It’s good ta be da Ki…, er Queen.


  4. Heh, I bow to you Empress. We are slowly getting high speed internet here, I have just got it and yes, it does make my life a lot easier. And for the same costs too. I am a happy chappy.


  5. I like it. The Internet was the only place where we were all equal, but that is no longer the case.


  6. You’ve got the power. Please stop in Washington DC from time to time and kick some butt.


  7. Here, here! How about those agreements that you have to sign to access the item you just bought? Can they make them shorter and in a common language?


  8. I pledge to forever follow you, oh Empress! One 27″ iMac desktop with maxed out memory please. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ok, yes, I will vote for you but …
    I don’t want high speed, it might overtake me when I am writing and I may not find my way again, just nice and slow – golden oldie tempo
    I want an Apple watch, but with the latest development. I am still thinking about it, but I am sure you can make it possible.
    I no longer want to be productive. When Mr. Swiss read that he turned a whiter shade of pale.
    I must add I like the selfie you did of yourself, you look years younger.


  10. Just logged in and your post flashed on the top of the reader. Couldn’t resist it and thought of reading before even checking today’s propmt. Sounds great and you have asked for right things. Essential for survival in digital world of internet. Bowing in front of THE EMPRESS ! 🙂 Off to write mine


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