Every week since our Fucking-Idiot-In-Chief got into the Oval Office, every news report starts with a version of “This is the worst week yet for the President.” And there’s a reason they say that. It’s true. What’s amazing is how he manages to make this week worse than the last.
There’s no floor. You can’t say, “he can’t get any worst than this” because he will just say, “Oh yeah? Hold my near-beer.” (El Presidente doesn’t drink so I had to modify the meme).
But for a while, he was at least funny. He says stuff so stupid you just have to laugh. He writes all the late-night show’s monologues by himself (with a big assist by Fox News). But last week he stooped to depths of depravity so low, so disgusting that all the humor got pushed aside. Ripping children from their parents and putting them in baby/toddler jails.
In the midst of this unspeakable evil, he was still trying to give us some comic relief. We were just too appalled, disgusted and enraged to notice it.
Our Chuckle-Head-In-Chief announced that he was ordering the Pentagon to create SPACE FORCE!
A “separate but equal branch” of the military. Separate but equal? What the hell does that mean? The Air Force and the Space Force have separate drinking fountains? And then he actually said, “There’s no place like space, there’s no place like space.”
That night, all the late show comedy writers went “well, we can take an early lunch.”
But here’s the thing. There already is a Space Force! Really! It’s been around since 1958. It was a syndicated comic strip called “Sky Masters of the Space Force!” created by Wally Wood and the great comic book artist Jack Kirby.
Can they sue? Well probably not, I’m pretty sure they’re both dead.
He said we need the Space Force because we not only need to be in space but we need to DOMINATE SPACE!
Now the question becomes, who do we draft into the Space Force? We can’t use all of our current astronauts. They’re all scientists and engineers who work at an international space station where people from different countries all get along and work together. We can’t dominate space with these wimps!
We need real Americans. Americans who want to make the galaxy great again! The only problem is, Trump only picks people for his administration who are on TV. But don’t despair! We have those heroes. Heroes like the Sky Masters of Space Force!
Oh wait, that was just a comic strip, not TV. OK, what about Tom Corbett, Space Cadet! He’s an American hero! He was on TV.
But, wait, he’s dead.
OK, what about Colonel Ed McCauley, head of the American Space Program in the 1959 TV show “Men into Space!” He was only on the air for a year, but he was still the head of the American Space Program!
The only problem is, he’s also dead.
OK, how about Ed Norton from the Honeymooners? He was an official ranger of Captain Video and his Video Rangers.
And what about Captain Video himself?
Shit, both dead.
Captain Kirk and Captain Jean Luc Picard are both still alive, but they don’t strike me as Trump’s kind of guys.
And hell, Kirk kissed a black girl.
Wait! Darth Vader! He’s totally a Trump kind of guy.
And, crap, he’s dead too.
This could be a problem. Because let’s face it, we know that aliens have already visited Earth. And what do they do? One word. Anal probes.
They’re sending rapists! We need to stop the infestation of real, actual illegal aliens! What can we do? Build a wall. A wall in space! And we’ll make the aliens pay for it!
We need real Americans to step up. How about the real American’s at Fox News? Hannity, Coulter, Ingram, Carlson and those three stooges who do Fox and Friends.
Draft them.
Send them into space to defend America! Defend Earth! Whatever. Just send them into space. And make sure they stay there.
We can make them honorary Junior Birdmen.
To Infinity and beyond!
Categories: Movies, Politics, Tom Curley, Video
And “The Emperor’s New Clothes” is getting realer and realer
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Shhh. Don’t tell him!
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Hey, whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on….
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The old short story “The Marching Morons” is becoming more and more real.
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P, “The Marching Morons”? I like it. Send it upstairs for a greenlight.
I’ll call some people. We could get Gary Busey, Tommy Lee Jones, David Caruso and Fred Willard for the leads.
Kellyanne Conway could cameo as “The Swamp Slut”.
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OMG this was brilliant!!!!!! I’m glad you were able to provide some humour in this state of affairs. Delightful read through and through. Point well made!
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The author of this piece has been a long time observer of the absurd — he’s captured the essence and precious bodily fluids of Space Force Commander Cheeto Head. Hopefully, Commander Cheeto Head will soon be blasting off for the Black Hole on the other side of our universe. Paul Manafort is likely to be Cheeto Head’s Executive Officer. He’s explored the dark side of outer space.
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I couldn’t possibly add anything to that statement.
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Thanks. But it’s getting harder and harder.
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I don’t know, you had some great material there. If you mean having or finding a sense of humour about the whole dang thing, then yeah, |I get that alright.
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P, maybe Mandrake can help drain the precious body fluids.
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I am saving my box tops and one thin dime. I want to dominate the galaxy! And I want one of those dresses with a tiny short skirt, too. But not red.
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I like the red skirt.
Leslie
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The ones dressed in red die as soon as the show opens.
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maybe pink then?
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Pink is good. Hot pink is hotter.
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Then hot pink it is!
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Only in the original Star Trek. There, except for Scottie, if you had a red shirt you were doomed.
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Murdoch’s on the lady in red murder.
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You gonna drink all that ovaltine for Cheeto Head’s secret decoder ring?
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Sadly in this case the decoded message isn’t “Drink More Ovaltine”, it’s
“Drink more of my racist Kool-Aid”
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Too true, P.
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I’d insist on a decoder ring too. Martian is not an easy language to learn without helpers…
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You’re absolutely right. Gotta have a decoder. Especially if you have to send in all those box tops AND a whole dime!
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How ’bout a Dick Tracy watch?
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As hard as Klingon?
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Probably not as hard as Elvish.
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P, that sounds a little kinky.
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If they could find a way to recruit Kellyann and Sarah Palin, the world would rejoice.
It does get a bit Looney Tunes, doesn’t it… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fusxravUlhE
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Judy. Judy. Judy. Kellyann and Sarah will be rival love interests for Cheeto Head, Grand Wizard Commander of the Space Force.
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Watched it. Funny and sadly relevant.
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When I read this comment of his the other day I actually thought it was “fake news” a parody. I can’t believe he really said that, wait, yes I can. Guys like him give earthlings a bad name. We need the Doctor, now!
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I’m going for Junior Birdman. I’m leaving for space. Separate, bu equal!
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Tas, Marilyn and I watched the newsconference where Cheeto Head announced his “Space Force”. We stared at him. The look on his face after the announcement made you wonder what drugs he’s on or is the dementia escalating? The “Afred E. Neuman” grin on his face was truly scary and funny. Mostly scary.
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Yes, very scary. I think he’s past being funny.
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Sadly yes. His evil has far out weighed his humor
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Yes! And isn’t the newest Doctor Who a woman?
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Yes, those episodes air here later this year but I’m not sure I’m ready for a female Doctor Who.
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