HANDSOME WITH A CLASSY SASHAY – Marilyn Armstrong

FOWC with Fandango — Sashay

Garry and I were just talking about attractive people we knew to whom we were not attracted. He said when he started at Channel 7 and they were beginning to “diversify,” the station hired three really gorgeous brown-skinned women, one of whom was so exceptionally beautiful that she had pretty much all the guys drooling.

She knew it, too. She dressed for it. When she sashayed into the station in the morning, the temperature in the room went up. She liked the attention. She sought it. But she left messes, Garry told me, that other people had to clean up. He didn’t appreciate the poor work ethic, so while he was not immune to her charms, he was uninterested in her in any other way.

This got us talking about attractive people we’d known to whom we were unattracted. I remember one guy, after hanging out with him (I like him, I just didn’t like him “that way”) finally looked at me and said: “You don’t find me attractive at all, do you?”

“No, I guess not, ” I admitted. “I like you, but there’s no chemistry for me.” I didn’t try to explain that for me chemistry wasn’t merely physical. It was also mental. He could look great (and he did) and had lots of ladies interested in him. I just wasn’t one of them. Why not? Because he was an artist and very focused.

I liked art, but I had other interests too. History, writing, music, philosophy. I was a serious reader and wanted to natter on about the 14th century and current politics. It was Vietnam and there was a lot going on.

D-Day at the Mumford River

But in that area, we had no meaningful connection. Many artists are highly focused on their work and that is how it should be, but at that age, I was interested in everything. I was about as unfocused as anyone could be. There was almost nothing in which I was not interested.

It would take another 20 years before I settled down mentally. I think Garry was also a slow starter that way. It took him years of working to fully emerge as a personality.

It’s a hard thing to explain to someone that you need more from a relationship than physical attraction and the ability to have fun. Especially when you are still not sure yourself what you need. That attraction is nice, but it’s only a piece of the thing. There also needs to be intellectual compatibility and a sense that both of you agree on essential things. Those were as important in the 1960s as they are today.

Home in the trees

A sexy body and a bit of a sashay in the walk are enjoyable, but not — by themselves — something on which to build a life.

That is also why, now that we are older and not so beautiful, we can still be happy. The foundation things keep you together. Even when you scrap about who takes out the trash and who forgot to turn out the lights.

Author: Marilyn Armstrong

Writer, photography, blogger. Previously, technical writer. I am retired and delighted to be so. May I live long and write frequently.

13 thoughts on “HANDSOME WITH A CLASSY SASHAY – Marilyn Armstrong”

  1. There’s a TV show we periodically watch, “Suits.” It’s a legal drama (Meghan Markle, before she was the Duchess of Sussex, used to be in the show’s cast) and most of the female characters are very attractive, which is sort of unrealistic. But what mystifies me is why they always show these beautiful women walking through the corridors of the law offices as if they are models sashaying along the catwalk at a fashion show. Seriously?

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    1. It really annoys me. I did wear heels to work, but I didn’t wear spike heels and sashaying was definitely not my thing. Frankly, I don’t get it either. Obviously, someone in the executive suite thinks it’ll get more male viewers. I don’t think it does, though I admit to watching Hawaiin Eye for the beaches. Not the people on the beaches. Just the sand and the surf and palms. And the coconut trees.

      Does that count?

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    1. That’s what Garry thought. He also has never liked women who flaunt themselves — especially at work. At work, he’s attracted to people who WORK. He has always commented that he worked in a “pretty person” business, so looking good was never a major priority for him. And I was always more interested in smarts than in handsomeness. But I didn’t mind taking a good look 😀

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  2. I’ve been through about 7 partners in this lifetime. Early, I passed up a couple of nice ladies because I wasn’t ready to settle down. I knew it and it would have been a disservice to them to carry on with things. I wish I could say I handled things well, but I didn’t. I was awful. I had no coaching on how to do things. Other relationships failed because of a lack of intimacy. Most of the other ingredients were good, but there was no deep connection. Of all these I can clearly say that there was only one gal that I truly Loved – like you see in the Movies. I used to say: “I’m in Love. Therefore I’m insane.” I truly was completely nuts. I would have died if I couldn’t have her. Yet we ended in five years. Not by my choosing. More than a fistful of these relationships were Karmic though. Finishing off stuff from the past. Not to say that all Karma is negative. It isn’t. And in most every relationship I’d figure “This is it! I’ve found my lady” – my partner. But I was wrong. My current lady is a wonderful person and I do love her. We found each other through our Religion. This is a good and I’m grateful for everything – even the tough stuff.

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    1. Garry and I knew each other for close to 30 years before we actually got married during which time I was married twice and he had a variety of unsuccessful relationships. He was so involved in work, he didn’t think he had anything left for a “real” relationship. By the time we finally got married, he was beginning to feel that work wasn’t quite the “high” it had been and he knew me … and trusted me. I had gotten married once as more or less of a jailbreak — not just for me, but for him also and the second time, sheer stupidity. I knew it was the wrong relationship and I was too embarrassed to admit it and pass.

      I don’t think anyone knows how to gracefully end a relationship. I’m not sure there really IS a way to gracefully end a relationship. It’s not like you get special training in this in school or at home. I think when we are ready, if the right person is available, it will work. Garry took a long time to mature and I needed to work the bubbles out of my brain.

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  3. As Paul and I approach our 41’st wedding anniversay, I have to agree with all of your thoughts on this. All of those ways of being “kindred” are so important to the longevity of a relationship.

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