DELIVERING THE GOODS

We have already spent a lot of time talking about USPS and voting and all that, but we haven’t gotten to our favorite amusing anecdotes about UPS and Fedex. Each has its own cute and funny methods or not getting your packages to you. When you live in the country, there is no escape. You are going to order a lot because you don’t have a full shopping experience locally.

A lot of things you need aren’t available within the 100 mile drive. We are imprisoned by plague and mentally damaged deliverers who seem to have really bad GPS units.

The “Package was handed directly to individual” is a frequent message. This has NEVER happened with either UPS or Fedex, though occasionally we have gotten mail from our regular mail person — when we had a regular mail person which we haven’t had for a few years now. It’s always a newbie. It isn’t hard to find places in the valley because we don’t have many roads and if you know all six of them, they may twist and turn, but they are still the same route number, even if the name of the street changes every 100 yards.

“Location unreachable” is hard to explain because we are very reachable AND have a big sign at the street that includes our house number. While we are rural, we’re clearly marked. Also, I’ve given very specific directions to every delivery service except USPS because they’ve been coming here forever, long before we moved to the neighborhood. Obviously they know where we are and we still get mail for people who haven’t lived here for more than 20 years.

I used to be a tech writer. Directions are me.

Oh look! Mail!

Then there are just the fun parts, like “tossing packages into the huge snowdrift in the middle of the dog’s yard.” Sometime in April, it’s mangled remains will appear. Then there’s “dropping it in the middle of the driveway.” If you don’t see it (it’s brown, it’s small, and there’s a leaf on it), you’ve probably already driven over it. “Leaving all things weighty at the top of the driveway right in the middle of the pavement.” Thus positioned, you can’t safely stop to put it into your car. That would be IF you are lucky enough to see it, after which you have to figure out how to wiggle your car around it. The drive is wider at the top, but it’s still an interesting bit of driver testing.

FEDEX in Cooperstown, NY

These days, we have a small fluffy white dog. We also (not very long ago) had two small Scotties of whom the FEDEX guy was terrified. I understand that there are people who are afraid of dogs. They probably aren’t our close friends, but we have “BEWARE OF DOG” signs on both our gates. Nonetheless, completely ignoring the “Beware of dogs” signs in huge pink letters on the gates or alternatively, leaving the packages on the table by the garage door (that’s why the table is there), he enters the forbidden yard and is paralyzed with fear by two Scottish Terriers. Was it because they were black? Was this doggish racism?

The signs are there to protect our canine companions from being accidentally left free to run into the road. We don’t have a lot of traffic, but it moves fast. They aren’t there to protect the delivery persons. Given his fear, he came into the yard and when attacked by Bonnie the Scottish Terrier (all 20 lbs of her) who was hoping for a biscuit, he ran back to the gate, tried to leap over the picket fence, broke off two pickets and raced up the driveway. By the time I managed to get downstairs, he refused to come back with the package. I guess he was also afraid of little old white-haired ladies.

Country living. It’s a joy until the truck shows up — or not.



Categories: Anecdote, Blackstone Valley, Cars and Trucks, delivery, Humor, Photography, Transportation

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

6 replies

  1. When we lived in the suburbs I was often frustrated by parcel deliverers who didn’t actually deliver. I actually saw one pull up outside our house once but they drove away without knocking before I could get to the front door.
    In the country it’s more straightforward, couriers delivered to my house in Geeveston but unless it would fit in the letterbox the post office did not. They’d leave a card and I’d go to the local post office and get it. In recent years you could sign up for an email alert that your parcel was being delivered. I could not always get to the post office right away to collect a large parcel after David died so I’d do it on days when I was going to the Op Shop or meeting friends who would give me a lift. The lady at the post office knew my circumstances and would always keep my parcels even if it took more than a week before I picked them up.
    Sisters Beach is even simpler. Nothing is delivered, at least not by the post office. There are no mail boxes and in most cases the houses don’t have street numbers. Everything goes to the local shop, luckily only a couple of minutes walk for me. Large parcels are a bit of a challenge. When I bought big bags of dogfood from Amazon at the beginning of the pandemic when the shops were bare I had to figure out how to get a 12kg bag home. The first time I took a wheeled shopping bag which it just fit in after they let me take it out of the box. The second time one of the employees kindly offered to drop it home for me when she finished work. I have no idea what other couriers will do yet but if they give a space on the order form for address details I’m very specific about what the house looks like.

    Like

    • There IS no delivery around here. None of the groceries deliver or apparently have any intention of delivering in the future. Walmart used to deliver, then stopped delivering.

      I don’t know how other people do it, but if it weren’t for Owen, we wouldn’t have anything. We get the heavy things from either Chewy or Amazon, these days, Chewy. I get bird seed and dog food, though i get the cans from Amazon. It’s MUCH cheaper buying it online and they at least leave it at the garage door.

      I give them full directions from the main road and where the sign with the house number is … and that our house is .98 miles from the intersection. You can’t GET more precise than that.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been attacked by Dobermans twice. This has traumatized me about certain breeds of dogs. It’s ironic because my Dad was a veterinarian – and we had pet dogs throughout our childhood. But fear is a nasty critter that is very hard to shake.

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    • It is. I’m terrified of spiders and Garry is terrified by snakes. I grew up with Dobermans, so I’m not afraid of them as a breed, but I’m very careful around them. They are born to protect and if not properly trained, WILL attack if they think you are being threatened … and this included a hug from a friend. Rusty thought that was an attack and I yelled no and she dropped to the ground. Dogs like that are loving and are great pets, but without training they can be dangerous.

      Like

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