COMING TO YOUR TELEVISION THIS SEASON! (Not really)

EXPLORING THE EVIL UNDERBELLY OF SMALL TOWN LIFE — NCIS UXBRIDGE

Okay, so we don’t have a piece of ocean. We’ve got plenty of river. It’s wet. Lake, ocean, what’s the difference, right?

Uxbridge, a small town in south central Massachusetts, has no Navy or Marine presence. No Naval station or training camp. No docks, no seaport. And we don’t have a forensics lab, but we can build one. It may take a while. We do have a jail. All it needs is a little cleanup.

With Mark Harmon’s unexpected retirement, Garry’s lifelong ambition to be a star has arrived. In his new role of NCIS team leader, the pace will be a little slower, but Garry’s wry humor will quickly win the hearts and minds of fans throughout the world.

I shall play the role of the crusty old medical examiner. My bad back, heart, and hips make me an unlikely choice for a field agent, but the dead don’t run fast. All the medical knowledge I’ve gleaned from being sick for years will come in handy when I have to use those twenty syllable medical terms.

I’ll cast my best friend as a very special agent. I’m pretty sure if she were to get the Gibb’s back-of-the-head slap, she’d hit him back and he’d know he’d been hit. Hands off, big fella.

My granddaughter will run the lab. Though she knows nothing about forensics, she’s a quick learner. Besides, she’ll love the Goth costumes and she has plenty of tattoos.

Finally, there’s the mandatory geek agent. I’ll give that to my son because he knows his way around a computer and he likes to fix stuff anyhow. He will fit right in as he explains exactly how things should work and whatever you did wrong to screw up the machine.

See you next week, same time, same station.

Categories: #BlackstoneRiver, #Photography, Blackstone Valley, Humor, Show Business, Television

Tags: #Photography, humor, Mark Harmon, NCIS, Television, Uxbridge