I love posts about whether to take the traveled or less traveled path.

As if we get that choice. All paths are untraveled until we walk them.

Choices? When I was 18, I had a choice to go to Cape May and spend the summer with my previous boyfriend (good sex, bad everything else) or marry my first husband (meh sex, but great conversation and social life) including a real opportunity to never have to spend another night under my parents’ roof.

1990 in Ireland

I went with the husband. It was what they now call “a jail-break marriage” and it worked surprisingly well. I wasn’t the only one who needed the jail break. He needed to break out of his prison too. We urgently needed to make a life. We might not have been the most passionate of lovers, but we were very fond of each other. We had tons of shared interests and many mutual friends. We liked the same books and loved history, cats, and dogs. We even had the same taste in furniture and houses. We got along well and what we lacked in fervor, we made  up for in affection and caring.

Somewhere in Ireland

We meandered along for 13 years and if he had not been an alcoholic and so terribly depressed all the time, we might still be together — and he might still be alive. I don’t know if the alcohol and the depression were linked, but probably were. Back then, these connections had not been made.They hadn’t invented Prozac and going into rehab wasn’t a “thing.” So we meandered along, had a son and a life. Garry was his best friend which is how Garry became Owen’s godfather and eventually, his stepfather. It isn’t as complicated as it sounds if you realize that we were all really good friends.

Most of my life has been one or another kind of meandering. Over the years, maybe a handful of distinct choices got made and I am happy with how they worked out, though are often times when I wonder how the other option might have gone.

In some other world, I made other choices. I’d love to chat with the other me and find out how it went. But — never was there an option to choose the “less traveled” or “more traveled” path. That’s a poem, not reality. When we need to choose, all paths are equally untraveled.

For most of us, there also comes a time when we get to say: “Okay world, I’m up for something different” and we have an adventure. Every life deserves adventures. I hope you are having yours  now — or delighted with the memories of those you had.


    1. I’ve had a few accidents along the way … and not just physical ones. Terrible mistakes and wrong people, bad jobs, poorly thought out financial moves. But we are where we are and somehow, i keep thinking we wind up where we are supposed to be, for whatever reason. But that other little piece of me wonder how it would have gone had I done the thing to which I said “no.” Would I have wound up here anyway?

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Yeah. In my experience both paths lead to the same place. So many factors affect our perception of our choices. I with I’d seen that a job at Head Ski was a good bet for me, though. That’s a choice I’d reconsider if I could. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I often think about that. Am I here because that’s where I would have been, no matter what other choices I made? Am I the me I was inevitably going to be? The writer in me would love to know where the other path went and how it worked out.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Every damn road has a fork in it, some major, some almost invisible. and not every choice is ours, but somehow gets made for us.
    The choices you made, worked, because they led you to now.

    The choices I made (or had made for me) worked, because they led me, eventually, to being here. I think we both lucked out.

    There will always be regrets, that long moment when you think, “what if…” and for a minute or two you realize you would now be the same person with different memories, a different hair style, and maybe in a new country, staring out the window thinking, ‘what if…”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For me, they aren’t so much regret as curiosity. I made some awful choices, but making awful choices is part of growing up — and sometimes, the awful stuff is what makes you figure out what “better” is.

      But sometimes, I just wonder “what if.” How would my life be different if I had gone down the other road. I’m glad to be where I am, but I’m terribly nosy 🙂


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