BOOK OF JOB, THE SEQUEL – BY TOM CURLEY

God and the Devil got together recently. They do that more often than you think. Usually at least once every millennia. They play cards, catch up on all the celestial gossip and have a few beers. More often than not, they get into an argument about something and end up resolving it with a bet. That’s exactly what happened at their last get together, after more than a few beers.

DEVIL: Hey God, remember that guy Job?

GOD: You mean the guy that invented those computers and iPhones?

DEVIL: No! That’s Steve Jobs. I’m talking about Job. That old guy we made a bet about, oh, a couple thousand years ago. He was a member of your cult.

GOD: (Thinking) Job, Job. Oh yeah! I remember him. Jewish guy. Really loved me. And just because people worship me doesn’t mean they’re in a cult. I mean, I’m God for Christ’s sake!

DEVIL:  Potato, patato. Whatever. Do you remember the bet?

GOD: Of course I do. I remember everything. I’m GOD!

DEVIL: Really? Where are your glasses?

GOD: They’re right here. No, wait. Damn it, there here somewhere. Don’t change the subject. What about the bet?

DEVIL: I bet you that I could get Job to denounce you and you said I could do any horrible thing to him to do it.

GOD: (chuckling) Yeah I remember. Man you really fucked that guy up.

DEVIL: I gave it my best shot.

GOD: But I still won the bet. He worshiped me, no matter what.

DEVIL: I think it was more he was scared shitless of you and was afraid to say anything bad. But that’s neither here nor there. Want to double down on the bet?

GOD: What? Let you torture Job again? How are you going to do that? He’s been dead for a few thousand years.

DEVIL: No, not Job. I want to flip the bet. I’ve got my own Job. Actually I’ve got about 50 million Jobs. They’re called “Trump supporters.” They worship the current president of the United States. They’ll do anything he tells them. No matter how much it may hurt them or anybody else. They call themselves MAGAts.

GOD: They worship him? They can’t do that! You’re only supposed to worship me!

DEVIL: You always have to make it about yourself.

GOD: Whatever. So, you want to torture them?

DEVIL: No. I want YOU to torture them. Specifically I want you to get them to renounce Trump. If you can get them  to do that, you win. You can do anything you want to them. You have carte blanche. So, you taking the bet?

GOD: Oh hell yes. This is a sucker bet.

DEVIL: We’ll see.

So, over the next few months, God did everything he could think of to make Trump’s “base” denounce him. He brought a great plague that engulfed the world, but was much worse in America.

He made sure that everything Trump did would make the plague worse. He made sure they would lose their jobs because of the plague. He made sure everything Trump did to bring the economy back would make it far worse. No matter what he did, the “base” would not forsake him.

God and Devil got back together again a few days ago.

DEVIL: It’s been a few months now. How’s the bet going?

GOD: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??

DEVIL: Told ya.

GOD: I mean, I brought down a fucking plague on those assholes! They’re dropping like flies. I’ve make Trump say the most ridiculous crazy shit imaginable!  I got him to say that people should drink bleach and shove a light bulb up their ass for Christ’s sake!

DEVIL: That was one of my favorites.

GOD: I got him to retweet a batshit crazy doctor who says demons have sex with you in your sleep.

DEVIL: Uh, that’s one’s actually true. I try to keep it on the down low.

GOD: I’ve ruined their lives! Taken their jobs! They could prevent themselves from getting the plague by simply wearing a fucking mask!

Irony is either dead or on speed dial

DEVIL: That’s because the god they worship told them not to.

GOD: I think it’s time for another great flood!

DEVIL: Oh no you don’t!! Remember Noah and the covenant? The whole rainbow thing? You promised never to do that again.

GOD: Shit. I forgot about that.

DEVIL: You said you remember everything. Did you ever find your glasses?

GOD: Fuck you. You know, I never should have worked that sixth day. I should have taken the whole weekend off.

DEVIL: I tried to tell you. So, you give up? Do I win the bet?

GOD: (sighing) Yeah, you win. What was the bet for again?

DEVIL: Same as the last time. Loser buys the beer.

GOD: Fair enough.

At this point God waves his hand and hundreds of kegs of beer appear.

DEVIL: You’re such a fucking show off. Mmm, good beer though. So, same time next millennia?

GOD: You’re on. So, demons having sex in your sleep? Really? That’s fucked up.

💫💫💫

The end?



Categories: Epidemic - Pandemic - Plague, Humor, political humor, satire and parody, stupidity, Tom Curley

Tags: , , , , ,

3 replies

  1. I woke up this morning feeling better and wondering if this refi is going to come off. If all things have a reason, I sure hope the reason doesn’t turn out to be “How can two elderly people do while living in a compact car with a dog while the unnamed troops march into Boston?” We are so blue, he’s got to get us sooner or later!

    Like

  2. All things happen for a reason, except that part about the demons having sex with you in your sleep. This was really funny.

    Liked by 1 person

Talk to me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Story Board

News Stories

Covert Novelist

Just another WordPress site

The Small Dog

Life from the Tail End

Cee's Chronic Illness Sisterhood

Peer support and hope for women with Chronic Illness and their support team.

Salted Caramel

Blogging, Motivation, Lifestyle and much more.

Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

Echoes of Life, Love and Laughter

Sarah's Attic Of Treasures

Making My Home A Haven is important to me. Sharing homemaking skills. Recipes and food. Bible Studies. This is a treasure chest of goodies. So take a seat. Have a glass of tea and enjoy. You will learn all about who I am.

Green Screen

The Environmental Movie Podcast

Crittering

Crittering (noun) - the observation of critters in their natural habitat.

Works by Martha Kennedy

Historical Fiction, Memoir and Paintings

bushboys world

Photos of my world and other stuff I hope you will enjoy too. Photos taken with Canon PowershotSX70HS Photos can be purchased.

musingsofanoldfart

Independent views from someone who offers some historical context

SeanMunger.com

Official Site of Speaker, Historian and Author Sean Munger

The HOBBLEDEHOY

I use the best, I use the rest

This, That, and The Other

Random musings on life, society, and politics.

My Blog

Just another WordPress.com site

I'm a Writer, Yes, I Am!

Martha Ann Kennedy's Blog, Copyright 2013-2020, all rights reserved to the author/artist

National Day Calendar

Fun, unusual and forgotten designations on our calendar.

Cee's Photo Challenges

Teaching the art of composition for photography.

Trent's World (the Blog)

Random Ramblings and Reviews from Trent P. McDonald

Views from the Edge

To See More Clearly

serial monography: forgottenman's ruminations

wandering discourse, pedantic rant, self-indulgent drivel, languorous polemic, grammarian's bête noire, poesy encroachment approaching bombast, unintended subtext in otherwise intentional context, unorthodox unorthodoxy, self-inflected rodomontade, …

draliman on life

Because sometimes life just makes you stop and think

The English Professor at Large

Posts about old Hollywood, current concerns

sparksfromacombustiblemind

EMBERS FROM SOMEONE DOGGEDLY TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF IT ALL...

The Day After

Musings, Photography, Writing, and More

THE SHINBONE STAR

NO LONGER ENCUMBERED BY ANY SENSE OF FAIR PLAY, EX-JOURNALISTS RETURN TO ACTIVE DUTY TO FIGHT THE TRUMPIAN MENACE!

Chronicles of an Anglo Swiss

Welcome to the Anglo Swiss World

ScienceSwitch

The Fun Side Of Science

%d bloggers like this: