In the course of the giant toilet paper crisis of 2020, we put hose-style bidets on all three of our toilets. I thought of it as a way to survive sans TP until people got a grip on life (again), but these bidets turned out to be a fantastic investment. Everyone loves them. We are all cleaner and fresher. I dread being anywhere where the bathrooms don’t have a bidet — which in the U.S. is pretty much everywhere.

New toilet with bidet and hose

Recently, we installed a new toilet in the half-bath adjacent to our “master” bedroom. It’s a tiny room containing a toilet, sink, and my medicine cabinet, but it’s good to have a convenient place to go when Garry is in the shower or shaving or whatever it is he does in the bigger bathroom.

I love the bidets. They have turned out to be a dramatic improvement in the quality of “that part” of our lives. So, when we installed a new toilet, I replaced the bidet with a new one with an simpler on/off valve.

Closer look at bidet

Picture this. It’s late in the evening. I’m in my half-bath, hose in hand, washing out the john until … I saw the fly. Buzzing around the bathroom! No flies in MY room! In a fit of mindless distraction and despite the live hose in my hand, I turned from my cleansing operation to THE FLY.

In the flash of a nanosecond, there was water everywhere. It’s amazing how much water you can spray in one or two seconds. It was on the walls, mirror, and floor. It also got one of the bulbs on my medicine cabinet which promptly exploded. BANG. One bulb down, three to go.

The explosion reminded me to turn off the hose. I’m not sure what I was thinking or if I was thinking. Was I planning to attack the fly with the water? Or was I totally distracted? Both? One way or the other, the explosion reminded me I should turn OFF the hose. It’s just the flick of a finger, mind you. Not complicated, but that stupid fly was still buzzing around.

Once there were four bulbs…

I didn’t mind cleaning the wall, the mirror — and the floor can always use a wash, but I think the bulb is gone for good. I eventually got the fly, but I probably need a new medicine cabinet.

Categories: Anecdote, House and home, Humor, Photography, story

Tags: , , ,

20 replies

  1. TO BIDET.., or not to BIDET?. That is the question


  2. Thanks for a sorely needed chuckle to start my day! I think it was probably reactive instinct to ‘get the fly’ and the bidet hose was just in your hand. I hate flies (I suppose there is some reason they were brought into the world, but damned if I can figure it out) and Ziggy is terrified of them. I’d have probably done the exact same thing!


  3. OK, I’m sorry, but I just had to laugh at the image of you trying to hose down a fly 😂😂


  4. I’ve thought about installing one of those in my bathroom..bidet hose, I mean, but isn’t it cold water?…not sure I could do that. Ha


    • Maybe not so much in the winter (unless you like a good shock to help wake you up and make sure you don’t go back to hibernating under the covers).
      But in the summer–feels fabulous.
      I actually have “bum rags” (pun intended) that I keep to blot myself dry afterward. I bought a case of toilet paper over a year ago that I’m still going through.
      Also, I have the seat variety from tushy.com, not the hose. (If there was an award for funniest product website ever, it would win–lots of toilet humor and puns–hee hee).

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for the info


        • I actually don’t find it all that uncomfortable ANY time of year, now does anyone else in the house. I didn’t want one of those ones that runs through a seat because you have no real control over the water and it’s direction. Also, you can use a hose for other things like cleaning the toilet, the dog, the floor, and I’m told diapers or other really dirty clothing. The hose is long enough to also use in the sink. The one’s I got have a control that lets me raise or lower the hose pressure.

          Liked by 1 person

    • The cold water is not uncomfortable at all. It sounds like it would be, but it isn’t. Not even Garry finds it uncomfortable. I think hot water would be a lot more uncomfortable. They are a HUGE help in personal hygiene and very simple to install. Just don’t get one of those stupid bluetooth versions. Just a hose and an on/off valve. Who wants your toilet talking to you?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, Marilyn….I just laughed picturing this! So sorry. OK. I’m serious now. But, oh my gosh!!! 🤣😂


  6. Oh dear, that was a senior moment wasn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Can’t you just replace the one bulb? Or did the explosion destroy the socket into which you screw the bulb?


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