ALL HURRICANES SHOULD BE CALLED DARWIN – BY TOM CURLEY

I’m not sure why we name hurricanes. I have no idea how the names get picked. I could Google it and maybe find out, but I’m too lazy to bother right now.

Regardless, I think all hurricanes should be named Darwin. Why?

Because nothing weeds out the gene pool and brings out the stupid in people like a hurricane. The bigger they are, the dumber they get. As I’m writing this, Hurricane Irma, or what I call it, Hurricane Darwin the 1st, is hitting southern Florida.

The worst is yet to come.  I’m watching the coverage, which is the exactly the same on all the networks. An anchor, who makes millions of dollars a year, is sitting in a warm cozy network studio. (Except for Lester Holt who was out there in the wind and rain just like a real reporter.)

He’s talking to the poor schmuck who drew the short straw and is standing in the middle of the hurricane telling everybody how dangerous the hurricane is and how nobody should be out in it. Except of course for him and his crew.

Now, granted, I know that they aren’t in as much danger as it seems. I worked for CBS News for 40 years and I know they set up in safe spots outside the wind. They only need one shot where the wind is howling and it looks like they are hanging on for dear life. When the live shot is over they all go back inside, smoke cigarettes, have lunch, play Candy Crush on their phones  and wait for the next live hit.

(I know Garry is nodding and laughing right now)

(Note: Garry is laughing — because he isn’t the schmuck out there in the storm.)

The really stupidest are the people who think they can ride these things out. I watched a news report a few days ago where they interviewed two people who planned on riding out Irma from a trailer park.

Excuse me? Did you just say A TRAILER PARK??? One guy said he already lost his mobile home two weeks ago in a run off the mill flood. They happen there all the time.  

His plan was to stay with a friend in another mobile home. They expected it to be destroyed too.

What was their Plan B? To hang out in a temporary construction trailer! A mobile home lite!

I’m looking at the screen screaming “Are you nuts? Don’t you know hurricanes and tornadoes hate mobile homes?! A tornado will go around an entire town to get at just ONE TRAILER PARK!!”

To a hurricane, mobile homes are just tasty little snacks!

I know it’s much more complicated than this.  Some people can’t get out for valid reasons — lack of anywhere to go or no vehicle or destitution.

But, for the guy who goes surfing as the hurricane hits, and dies ….

And, the guy who is kite surfing as the hurricane hits  …

Oh Boy! I’m heading right toward the tornado! Cool!

And, the family on the beach with their kids taking video of the guy kite surfing …

And, the poor schmuck interviewing them …

I hope you all survive Hurricane Darwin the 1st.

That wasn’t so bad.

I wish  mother nature could come up with a way, WAY less catastrophic method of weeding out the gene pool.

Seriously, folks — stay safe!

30 thoughts on “ALL HURRICANES SHOULD BE CALLED DARWIN – BY TOM CURLEY

  1. Ever since the current calamities started, Garry has been laughing every time he seen a reporter getting soaked and blowing in the wind. He used to BE that guy. He was actually famous for being that guy. I don’t think anyone realizes how unbelievably happy he is to NOT be that guy anymore.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I remember you saying I’d miss the action when I retired. I told you I would NOT. You were skeptical. Now, I hope you believe me. There’s nothing phony about my laughter watching others, hanging on for dear life as storms of biblical proportion rage in high def video and sound. Hey, my crews kept the lens dry even as those tsunamis approached. My hurricanes were BIGGER than Biglies hurricanes. One other thing. My hair actually moved during those iconic hurricanes.

      Liked by 2 people

      • Pancho, you spawned many evil doers in studios who would say wicked stuff to us in our earpieces. I kept a straight face but giggled inside. My proudest moments came when I did live pieces with mix-minus blaring in my ear piece. Couldn’t take ear piece out because somewhere in all that audio mish mash would be cues to different stations around the country. Sometimes, I’d Guess. Sometimes I’d just go with the “Good to be with, you folks” intro. One time it was YOU!

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  2. Nailed It! 😉

    Weather bureau’s used to only call Hurricanes(Cyclones/Typhoons) by female names in alphabetic order starting each new season, then some bright spark thought there should be ‘equality’ and they started alternating male and female names. This, curiously enough, has been shown to have a practical benefit. It seems there are more deaths from hurricanes named after women than men! It seems people take more seriously the threat from Hurricane Igor than from Hurricane Daphne and so better prepare, resulting in saved lives. just why they don’t name all hurricanes after the scarier male gender now puzzles me somewhat?

    love

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Yeah, when Isabel came through Virginia Beach, we had our share of idiots outside braving the winds and rains. I could hear them from our fortified hallway. Dumbasses. I mean, even if the hurricane wasn’t *that* bad, it still brought down trees (the one right outside our building) and powerlines (again, right outside where the idiots were screaming whoooooo!) both of which would have killed the numbskulls flat. But hey, who am I to stop grown idiots from putting themselves in danger?

    Liked by 2 people

      • Pancho, one time during a really bad storm, lightning flashed all around one of our live trucks. The Hedley LaMarr wannabee News Director demanded the truck tech keep the “mast” up. You could actually hear the storm’s fury. The tech over the 2-way: “I’m taking it down or we’ll all be fried to a crisp!” Idiot ND: “Take it down and you’re fired!!”. Truck Tech: “It’s down!! I can shove it up your____” Loud cheers everywhere.

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  4. It would be considerably less fun. And it’s fundamentally impossible. For perfection to exist there must be imperfection. Hassles of a dualistic universe. If we had a truly perfect world we would all instantly disappear in a puff of philosophical logic.

    Liked by 1 person

    • They do that ALL the time. Once, we had a couple of storm surfers up-ended. During a live shot. I could hear the crew laughing as I babbled, my back to the human comedy….someone cued me to look over my shoulder as I yakked. I did…could see the idiots struggling..just feet popping up out of the water as the waves crested. I turned back to the camera..just a hint of a Smile with “and so it goes…..Garry Armstrong, live at _________.”

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    • Yes. Far away from all the destruction, it’s hard to really fathom the extent of the misery. I think there’s a bit of guilt knowing it’s not us.

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