This is the month of love in the U.S. I know I’m supposed to get excited about it, but to be fair, I’ve never thought Valentine’s Day was a big deal. I love cutting out hearts when I was in elementary school, but that’s about as excited as I ever was. Also, as far as I’m concerned, every month is the month of love. You need to love each other in January and November, too!
In your opinion, do May/December (older partner with much younger partner) romances ever work?
Yes. I know quite a few that worked very well for a long time. Just because I’m curious, what do you mean by “much younger”? Five years? Ten years? Twenty years? My first husband was 8 years older than I was, which seemed a big deal at the time, but now seems like nothing. My second husband was three years younger than me, and Garry is five years older. “Much” younger (or older) would seem to me to be at least a generational difference. I think what matters is how people feel about each other, why they are getting married, and if they are happy with the arrangement — both of them.
What physical action or gesture do you find romantic?
These days? Helping me fill the bird feeders and just being nice to me.
After a certain age, a lot of what we thought of as “romantic” when we were young isn’t what we are looking for when we are older. These days, I look for emotional support and help. I don’t know if other people think it’s romantic, but it works for me.
What is your idea of a romantic dinner?
A great dinner I didn’t have to prepare or clean up afterward.
Is ‘love’ a real ‘thing’ or merely a physical chemical response and brain activity pulling our emotional strings?
Love is complicated. It’s caring for each other in good times and bad, shared interests, similar political positions, equivalent intelligence, laughing at the same stuff. It doesn’t mean that you need identical interests, but you need some overlap in some intellectual areas. Liking the same movies or at least liking many of the same movies. Having similar opinions on major issues makes a huge difference. Love is very real, but it’s not one thing. It ‘s a bunch of thing and it changes as you age individually and as a couple. What was adorable when you were 18 may not be particularly interesting or attractive when you’re 30. It may be downright annoying by the time you’re 40 and weird when you are 70. It’s why second marriages are often more successful than the first.
The one thing marriage isn’t is “lust with a license.” The lust of pre and early marriage rarely outlasts the raising of children or a lifetime of two people working full time. Marriage also isn’t always fun. There are a lot of rough times in any marriage. If you can’t work through them, the marriage goes away. A big part of love is friendship and recognizing what’s important and what isn’t.
As for gratitude…
I’m really glad I managed to get Garry vaccinated, or at least half-vaccinated. A few more things need to fall into place and then I’ll be even MORE grateful.