#FPQ – BIRTH, SEX, AND SEXUAL IDENTITY

Fandango’s Provocative Question #111

From Fandango: “My question today is about your beliefs about gender. Some people believe that gender identity is the personal sense of one’s own gender. It can correlate with a person’s assigned sex at birth or can differ from it. Others, like Marjorie Taylor Greene, believe that gender identity is exclusively tied to a person’s sex at birth. If you’re born with a penis, you are male; if not, you’re female. Period. Full stop.” And so the question is:

I’ve always known I was female and while I’ve been occasionally interested in my own sex. I was especially interest during periods when men were being particularly difficult. I would imagine how much easier life would be with another woman with whom I could talk the way women talk. Nonetheless, I was clear about where I was. I loved my women friends, just not the way I loved those annoying men.al

I haven’t known had any close personal relationships with transgender persons, but I have known many gay men and women. All of them knew from adolescence onward that their attraction was to their own sex and not the other. While they could pretend a relationship with the “opposite” sex, it wasn’t real and couldn’t last. For some of us who really did love each other, it was a heartbreaker. Homosexuals are what they are. I think are that way from pretty young. I don’t think this is a modern trend. It has always been this way. Sexual identity — once established — does not change. We are just making a bigger fuss about it now than we did earlier.

I can only assume that “gender” identity is similar to sexual identity. You feel the way you feel because that’s how you were made. It’s not a choice. It just is. I don’t think we get to choose who we love, who we want, who we feel we are. That’s just the way it is. Attempts to change that identity don’t work, have never worked — past or present. Is this a scientific explanation? Nope. It’s what I have seen and experienced in my life.

A couple of my closest friends were gay men. They were perfect friends. Caring, sensitive and manly, but also intuitive and unlikely to get you in a sexual death-grip. Almost always able to listen with sympathy, ready to order in pizza in the middle of the night, and if you were my best friend, also ready to trim my hair.

Where is he now when I need him most?



Categories: #FPQ, and Sexual Identity, Fandango's One Word Challenge, Provocative Questions

6 replies

  1. My opinion too. Some of my best male friends are gay and I often think what a waste they are for us women. They are so well tuned to female feelings which makes them such wonderful friends.
    My earliest conscious ‘taking note’ of being different from others was when, at 16yrs of age, we went sledging with a group and I was quite taken with my copilot, a beautiful boy who made me laugh and care for. At the end of a tumultuous run down our ‘house mountain’, a sledge trip of some 15’, he pulled me up from the sledge and snow, gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek and said the then powerful words: You know if I weren’t gay, I’d like you as my girlfriend….
    That was a long time ago and I still marvel that he told me these news so matter of factly. (Is that English?) This post made me remember him fondly. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I remember going to gay bars with my friend and thinking “Look at all these handsome men and NONE of them are interested in me.” They were all well-dressed, well-groomed and mostly, charming too. Oh well. I have since met some pretty ratty unkempt gay men, so I guess it’s a matter of which crowd you are with. But yes, if they trust you enough, they will be very matter-of-fact about it. If they don’t trust you, they usually avoid you anyway.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. When I was a young man, a couple of guys I knew came out as gay and I was disturbed by that, as I couldn’t understand a man being sexually attracted to another man. But I did, later in life, get to know a gay couple and realized that what they had was as real as the love I had for my wife. Being homosexual for them was not a choice, just as being heterosexual was not a choice for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was lucky in having close gay friends pretty early on. My best friend was in love with me. I loved him too. He thought he could change — for me — and I knew he couldn’t. He would try, but he would fail. We were both 30 and he’d never slept with a woman and I don’t think he wanted me. He just loved me.

      It was a heartbreaker because except for the minor detail of sex, we were wonderfully compatible. I don’t think he ever forgave me for refusing to marry him and I don’t blame him. He was hurt. It was hard to ask and much harder to be turned down, though I still think I was right. A relationship needs the chemistry. It’s part of whatever it is that holds you together from youth to age.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Wonderfully put. I have had a lot of gay friends (too) and I miss being able to chat to them when things get sticky. Sadly enough a lot of my friends died in the 80s and 90s when AIDS took so many. *sigh* That’s where they are now, some of them. Others have just quietly got on with things.

    Like

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