Now here’s an interesting question from Fandango and one which is very much based on who you were at various times in your life.
I have to think far back into my life to remember how I felt about my “self-presentation” when I was a kid. It wasn’t very good. I such a total bookworm, I had few social skills. I used big words the other kids didn’t understand and I didn’t know they didn’t know. I wanted to talk about books. Books about dogs and horses and volcanoes. Late, more about psychology, literature — Russian, English, and anything written by Thomas Wolfe. Angelique and historical too. I veered wildly in a literary way until I bloomed into a busty young lady and hormones rose.
I still had no idea what impression I made on people except that I was considered sexy. I didn’t think I was sexy, but the boys did. I supposed “sexy” was better than unattractive — which I what I saw in the mirror
A friend took this picture because he thought I was a wonderful study in shades of brown. Married at 18, a baby born at 22, and I was about to get serious about work and career after a year of full-time mommy-ing.
This was the year I started to ask people what they thought of me because I had a strange feeling that I was completely out of touch with who I was. So I asked: “If you were describing me to someone else, how would you describe me? Please, be honest. I really want to know.”
I got answers describing me as Catherine the Great (with a horse?) and other female power symbols. I thought I was shy and retiring. Go figure I had to do a major mental readjustment.
Returning from Israel twenty years later, I had to do a lot more readjusting Having somehow become very popular before I left, it turned out old friends don’t wait for you to come back a decade later. Except for Garry. He waited.
So who am I now? I have no idea. I may have passed the point where I care what what other people think of me. I may have stopped caring what I think of me. I endure. I’m cranky. I’m tired of cooking, cleaning, and wife-ing. I’ve come a long way from the kid who wanted to be loved and later, be respected.
I never meet anyone new these day. Which means I have no way to judge what anyone thinks of me. The people I know and who know me are all in our age group. The last thing on their minds is what impression they make on other people.
This unconcern with ones popularity
is the true gift of aging.
Past a certain point in time? You mind is not on your relationships. It is much more about your credit score than your relationships. Life moves on.
It’s more about figuring out how to survive in this bizarre world and praying that the people you still care about are healthy and not going to up and die on you.