Our otherwise well-behaved younger dog, Lexi barks at everything when I’m around (not so much when I’m not). We can live with that. However, she has also started growling at our 15 ½ year old dog. She has even gone after him once or twice. This is unacceptable behavior so we called in a dog trainer.
After meeting with the trainer, it turns out that I am the problem and I am the one who has to be trained! Apparently our actions can be interpreted by canine brains in ways we can not always predict or understand. I’ve always thought it was love and devotion that made Lexi follow me around. It turns out I’ve let her feel that she has to protect me 24/7.
She thinks that’s her job – and because of many of her Heinz 57 strains of DNA, she takes her job very seriously. I also thought it was love and affection that made her drape herself over me when we sit together. Wrong again. She is being possessive and asserting that I am her “property”. This exacerbates her desire to “protect” me from anyone else, particularly from our other dog.
So, I have to make some changes in the way I relate to her.
I know that dog people often have strong ideas about the “right” way to train dogs and their humans. I personally believe that different things work for different people and different dogs. Also, some behaviors come more easily to some people. For example, I am not a disciplined person and I have a poor attention span. So I do not do well with rigid rules or strict practice schedules. I need behaviors that I can adapt into my not very structured day-to-day life.
So here’s what the trainer worked out for me and Lexi.
I will keep her from spending all her time next to me. That should let her know that she doesn’t own me or need to protect me. She already knows how to sit, lie down, stay, and come. While I watch TV, she has to sit on her dog bed across the room from me. And stay there until I release her which also tells her I’m the alpha, not her.
She has to look to me to determine where she should be and what she should be doing, at least sometimes. If this isn’t enough to alter her behavior towards our second dog, I will extend the “give me space” scenario to other times of the day until she “gets it”.
I didn’t realize that I had inadvertently put Lexi on “guard duty,” thus creating stress for her. I feel terrible that I did that to an already anxious dog. Hopefully, this old dog can learn new tricks and I can release her from her “job” with me. Making some new rules will let her know that I’ve got things covered and don’t need her help.
I never want to change the cuddly, fun part of our relationship. But if I can eliminate the stress for her, maybe we can just be a loving human and her dog BFF.
A DOGGISH TRUTH 
LOST IN SPACE – GARRY ARMSTRONG 
MURDER IN EASTON: A TRUE CRIME STORY – BY TOM CURLEY 
WORLD SHARING AND ISN’T IT JUST ONE BIG GIGANTIC MESS? 
SERENDIPITY - SEEKING INTELLIGENT LIFE ON EARTH 
We are in the process of getting a trainer for our dog. He will be a year old in December. He always jumps on people, Whenever my daughter is home he runs through the house as if he was outside. and is always jumping on doors when she goes in a room or outside. He does not do that with me though because i have always gotten on to him just as she does. I just don’t get it!! it drives me crazy!!
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I think you’re right about this that the dog is trying to earn your approval unnecessarily.
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This totally makes sense…I myself have a dog and I didn’t realize why my dog had the same behavior issues going on until now…I have implemented some of the tactics in this article with my own dog and she has responded very well. Thank you for the advice!!!!!
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So glad to hear that I could be helpful to someone else! Lexi seems much more independant now and less glued to my side. She goes off on her own more and apparently likes to stay on the floor sometimes instead of on the sofa next to me! Good for her! I’m letting her be free to be herself.
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Wow!being hands on with your dog has never been this easy,it grows the bond between the two each and everyday.This report is quiet informative thank you
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Dogs love to feel that they are doing something “for” you and pleasing you by doing so. I never thought my dog would feel comfortable sitting away from me for long periods. But she is happy and relaxed in her new spot on the other side of the room. She goes there almost enthusiastically now. At the beginning she was reluctant and unhappy so we’ve made real progress.
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That is really nice wisdom to better your relationship with Lexi! Really hope both of you are having great progress 🙂
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Lexi is doing great with the training. The only problem is that the offensive behavior that precipitated the call to the trainer is still present. It’s better but not gone totally.
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It’s very interesting to view things from a different perspective. We are always inclined to believe that our dogs see things as we do, but this shows us that they have their own way of looking at things. An enlightening post, thank you!
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Dog training now is much more about understanding how your dog thinks and reacts to what you do. It’s actually a fascinating process and I look forward to our follow up session in a month or two. I learn something every time.
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Very interesting story. One never think of it in that perspective. I’ve seen many dogs behaving that way and being protective. We subconsciously teach them then to be like that. Interesting and informative. Thanks for sharing.
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Our dogs interpret what we do very differently than we think most of the time. You also have to be careful how you train your dog. They can pick up on the wrong thing. I tried to train Lexi to lie down with a verbal command but I must have used a hand gesture every time I gave the command. Now she responds to the hand command but not the verbal one! Go figure! At least she lies down when I want her to!
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Lexi, your protector, I suppose too much of a good thing is bad. I hope she still likes to cuddle and is adjusting well to the new “codes of conduct”.
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On any down day a dog’s unconditional love can pick you up.
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The trainer didn’t feel that being “equal” to Lexi is the problem. The problem starts when she feels she has to protect me and take care of me for whatever reason. Once she sees me as an “alpha” or even a competent and strong “equal” who doesn’t need her protection, the trainer feels that her aggressive behavior towards the other dog will diminish. So far it’s working. She still growls occasionally but not as loud or as often. It’s often under her breath – as if she knows she’s not supposed to but wants to register her disapproval in an acceptable way. The trainer siad it takes three weeks to establish a new behavior and it hasn’t even been two weeks yet. So far so good.
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Whatever works.
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I’ve also been told that sleeping with you makes them think they are your equal. Whether or not this is true, I don’t sleep with them because my back and I made a deal. It agrees to remain my back if I don’t go twisting it into strange shapes so the dogs can be more comfortable. I’m too old and creaky.
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My first thought into canine psychology was that Lexi might be jealous of your older dog and probably resented the special treatment he was getting. Either way you will have to take the upper hand and let her know in no uncertain terms that she can’t behave that way.
Leslie
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Lexi never seemed “jealous” of the other dog for the first 5 years she lived with all of us, when he was in his prime. When he started getting older and frailer, she began to make her move. The trainer said that it is hard wired into most mammals to look for signs of weakness in others to exploit. He said there is no moral judgement to that practice in other mammals, though to us it seems horrible. So you may be right that she was jealous of any attention the other dog received but could not act on it until he became older and “weaker” in her eyes.
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Makes sense to me, Ellin.
Leslie
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And this is also why dogs instinctively hide it when they are feeling ill.
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One comment about ownership (hers, not yours)–it obtains for cats, and may indeed work the same way for dogs; often a female dog or cat will see a human as their kitten or puppy. I have had female cats bring me ‘prey” in exactly the same way they do their growing kittens, leaving me (and this is a treat, i’ll tell ya) half dead mice or snakes for me to “find’ and kill and god help us, eat.
One cat, Mildred, was very concerned when I went into the garden and was there longer than she deemed safe. Sooner or later she would come out and scold me, and we’d walk back to the house together. She was totally pleased that I was safe now.
Lexi sounds almost as if this is what she’s doing with you. you have–possibly–become her slightly stupid runt of the litter, needing protection. It’s as much, I suspect, a mother/puppy thing as it is guarding you from harm.
Lord only knows what goes on in their brains when it comes to dog/human relationships, and I think showing her that you need your space, as the trainer suggested, might convince her that you are now also big enough to fend for yourself.
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Very good way of putting it. I was her puppy and now I am her adult progeny. That works for me and hopefully it will work for Lexi!. Thanks for the insight.
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Thoughtful (especially for furry kids’ parents) piece, Ellin.
I’m still trying to establish who the CO is with Bonnie and Gibbs. They’re rebels without a cause.
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