RDP # 49 – WELCOME
Nurse: Welcome to the University of Massachusetts hospital! We are here to make your experience as comfortable as possible.
We’d like to get started by asking you to give us the identical information we required from you on your previous pre-op visit. Yes, I know, it’s in the computer, but we need to see it. Again. We feel doing everything at least three times will lower your stress levels and help us avoid working on the wrong piece of you.
Just kidding. That never happens.
I know we asked you to not bring your wallets or valuables. We apologize for that because we really meant was don’t FORGET to bring all your paperwork and of course, your wallet. So now, would you please give us your driver’s license, medical card, and if possible, a third identification displaying facial recognition?
Entry
No, I’m sorry. Your wife assuring me that this is you would not be “official” enough. If you didn’t bring the information we asked you not to bring, don’t worry. We’ll reschedule the whole procedure in another few months.
We’re sorry if we got in touch with you so late yesterday you had trouble arranging a ride to and from the hospital, but as we like to put it, “that’s not our problem.” We do the medical part. You work out the rest.
Nurse: Now, Mr. (pause) (looks at paper) Mr. Armstrong?
Me: “Speak up. He can’t hear you.”
Nurse: We’d like to see all your medical papers, listing all the medications you currently take, have taken in the past, or might take in the future. Also, your medical card and another form of ID that includes a picture. A driver’s license perhaps?
You’re trying to explain that you were merely following our printed directions? Like on that paper you are waving in the air?
We didn’t really mean it that way. We omitted a word. We really meant to say you should NOT FORGET to bring all your paperwork with you.
Hospitals get so busy, you know?
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Categories: #Health, Cochlear implant, Daily Prompt, Hospital
SERENDIPITY - SEEKING INTELLIGENT LIFE ON EARTH 
You didn’t get to the part where they ask you to do a short, 87 question survey about your patient experience at the hospital. And if you happened to make it out the door without being accosted by one of these people who care so deeply about your utmost satisfaction with their health care experience, you can be assured they will call you nonstop for weeks until they are assured that you considered their service to be EXCELLENT! Not just good or fair or okie dokie….. but EXCELLENT!
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This would make a terrific midnight scary story!
I was literally exhausted just reading it through to the end and bending over with laughter….
As I wrote on your next post: Hail to the good docs and their precious charge!
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It should be well. We have all the paperwork and the best doctor in the region. I’ll know a lot more in about 10 or 12 hours!
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All best wishes to you and Garry for the smoothest and most successful procedure tomorrow!
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Fingers and toes all crossed!
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Marilyn–I laughed because this is funny. But it’s true?! Oh, dear. Good luck to Garry. And you. Lots of luck, really.
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It is funny, but it’s better than them doing the wrong ear … and don’t think it hasn’t happened!
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Good luck for tomorrow Garry. You will be in my thoughts.
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We’re just about on the way out the door. Garry’s wearing his lucky Red Sox shirt! Magic time.
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Wishing Garry the best of luck for his op tomorrow and hopes that the paperwork all goes smoothly.
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We are counting on it! With every breath.
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Well day-um. Don’t forget to bring ALL THE PAPERWORK you may have ever or will ever need to fill out for those twits. Plus your first born, three forms of facial recognition ID, a urine sample, a stool sample, plus four letters of reference and an IV port already installed so taking blood (of which they may want mass quantities) and giving fluids is made easier for everyone.
This information is given in jest, but has core nuggets of truth in it, due to the fact that I’ve had to do the same thing a few times myself. That whole “don’t bring any valuables with you BUT make sure you have at least three forms of ID and an insurance card and something to pay the requisite upfront costs with.” At least Garry has YOU to hold onto that stuff for him. Me? I rely on the kindness of strangers or any relatives or nearby neighbors I can gang press into coming with me. With my knee surgery someone misplaced my glasses and I was semi-blind the whole damned time. So….
My very best wishes and healing thoughts and prayers. It’s gonna be GREAT!! 🙂
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My son is doing the driving, so there is another pair of big strong hands. I think I’m more edgy about Garry than I was about ME.
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Melanie BC; you forgot to mention their need to know the exact length of the inner side of the right leg, right down from the hip bone to the highest point of the foot’s sole…. 🙂
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I had a knee done. I narrowly missed getting BOTH done. They drew with black magic marker THIS ONE on the correct one and NOT THIS ONE! on the other.
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I’m sure now you are REALLY joking!? Or, are you not…???? A very dear elderly friend of ours with the patience of a saint has been heavily operated on 3 times already this year. Now she had to go back to the hospital in a great hurry because her wound was bleeding all the time – I do hope they won’t have found a forgotten tweezer or a pair of sissors this afternoon…. Even in Switzerland…. 😉
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I did forget that. ‘Course mine was done in the ‘dark ages’ when they got out a sledge hammer and hoped for the best…. 😉
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WordPress. Wonky. Grrr.
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they are just seeing if Garry’s really deaf. If he doesn’t hear the screams, he can have surgery!
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I’m pretty sure he’d hear the screams, at least if they were close to his left ear.
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I hope it gets better and easier from there–
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He is supposed to be home by the afternoon. It’s just going to take a bit of time for the technology and the brain to synch up.
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I hope it all goes easily and well. The brain is great at adjusting to processing things.
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This whole process is amazing. The sound that gets transmitted is not like “real” sound, but the brain turns it into whatever it was used to hearing. The brain does this for no apparent reason, but it happens. One day everything sounds “electric” and suddenly, magically, it sounds REAL again.
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I hope it works great and easily. I find that if I cover either ear, like with head on pillow, the other does not process sound as sound since I got cooked. Brains and their friends are fascinating.
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NO!! That didn’t happen — did it? If it did, I hope you were able to get past it and into the surgery!
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The surgery is tomorrow. I was just on the phone with them trying to get the surgery time because if I waited, they wouldn’t call me until late in the afternoon, which would make it hard for my son to work out times. That’s when she said we had to bring all the papers and I said “we just did that last week” and she said, “yes, and it’s all in the computer, but we are supposed to ask you again.” I couldn’t think of anything to say to that. So I wrote this.
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When they say don’t bring valuables, you know it’s so the valuables don’t get lost — at least that won’t happen, because you’ll be with Garry! It’s so annoying when they have to check and recheck — but you will know for sure that they’ll do the implant and not remove a kidney — and you know for sure that it’s him, and that any meds won’t conflict, and ~ ~ ~ Good luck tomorrow!
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I know. For a while, we had a big scandal around the state with hospitals removing the wrong piece or fixing the wrong hip or knee. But Garry is getting great care. The hospital is just … well … it’s UMass. UMass has issues with all kinds of communications and not just at the hospital. The schools, and the government — everything.
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And I don’t think it’s only UMass! I had THREE calls this morning to tell me the electric company will be reducing power on my a/c this afternoon! I’m glad the care is good — it should be, at a teaching hospital! My thoughts will be with you!
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Made me smile but I doubt you were at the time. Was that At Tumpet Grneral Hospital?
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This is our state medical university and hospital. They do everything at LEAST three times. I would never be foolish enough to leave important papers at home. I already know that when they say “don’t bring anything important with you” they are lying. They really mean, “bring everything.” Anyway, surgery is actually tomorrow. And we will bring EVERYTHING.
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Just reading this is stressful!
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It gets easier if you realize that UMass never says what they mean. They say “leave everything at home” when they really mean, “but make sure you have everything with you because we don’t believe our own notes and will need to review it again.” It’s just as well to not believe everything you hear. Anyway, surgery is tomorrow and we will bring EVERYTHING. Even Garry.
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Wishing you and Garry all the best.
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THANKS, SARAH.
Marilyn, I understand you received a call from a Dr. Zorba about my surgery tomorrow.
I do not want Casey on my case. Too surly.
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