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RUN A LEVEL FIVE DIAGNOSTIC! – BY TOM CURLEY

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Warning:
If you are not a Star Trek fan this might not make sense to you.
Or maybe it will.

I’ve been watching a lot of Star Trek lately. Not just the original. But most of the other ones too. Star Trek Next Generation, Star Trek Voyager, and Star Trek Deep Space Nine.

screenrant.com

screenrant.com

It’s addicting! I just keep watching. One right after the other. I admit I remember all the episodes from the original Star Trek. I’ve seen them all at least a hundred times and that’s no exaggeration. As for the other shows, I’ve found that some,  I remember. Others, I’ve forgotten. BBC America  will run an episode of the original Star Trek followed by Star Trek Voyager, then a Star Trek Next Generation episode.  I’ve never watched them all intermixed like that.

That’s probably why I never noticed there is one thing that all Star Trek episodes have in common. Something that they all do in all the episodes all the time. EVERY EPISODE! EVERY SINGLE ONE! I’m betting even the most ardent ” Trekker/Trekkie” has never noticed it!

What is it?

They run a diagnostic. At least one, often more. Any time anything goes wrong on or off the ship, they run a diagnostic. It’s the go-to solution for absolutely everything.

pinterest.com

pinterest.com

THE DIALOGUE:

Ensign: Captain, the  warp drive just went down!

Captain: Run a Level Two Diagnostic. Advise me when it’s done.

Chief Engineer: Captain! The Di-lithium crystals are absorbing too much anti-matter!

Captain: Send down a Level Four Diagnostic Team and advise me when it’s done.

memory-alpha.wikia.com

memory-alpha.wikia.com

Chief Engineer: We can’t do that Captain!

Captain: Why not?

Chief Engineer: We only have three Level Four Diagnostic Teams sir and they’re all busy.

Captain: Doing what?

Chief Engineer: Well, Team One is doing a diagnostic on the subspace communications array. Team Two is scanning the inertial dampers. And Team Three is running a diagnostic on why all the food replicators on deck three are putting “American Cheese” on everything it replicates.

americaomg.com

americaomg.com

Captain: I see. So what do we do?

Chief Engineer: Well, we do have a Level Two Diagnostic Team free.

Captain: Great! Send two Level Two Diagnostic teams. That would be the same as a Level Four Diagnostic Team. Right?

Chief Engineer:  Hmm. Never thought of it that way before, but yes I guess that would work. The  problem is we only have one Level Two Diagnostic Team available sir. The other one is examining the warp core.

Captain: Oh. …  OK. How many Level One Diagnostic Teams do we have?

Chief Engineer: Three sir. But one is busy.

Captain: Yes but we still have two Level One Teams free! Send in one Level Two team and two Level One Teams.  That will give us a Level Four Diagnostic!

Chief Engineer: Brilliant sir! Why didn’t I think of that?

Captain: That’s why I’m the captain.

I’d pay money to see that episode.

Here’s the thing. My Star Trek binge started right after the election.

thecollegefix.com

thecollegefix.com

Every day, I bounce from immersing myself in the whole” Star Trek Universe” and jolt back to this one. The real world. The. Real. World.

abc7news.com

abc7news.com

I think we need to run a Level Five Diagnostic on this episode of life. Something’s terribly wrong.

Oh yeah. And, if you are a Star Trek Fan, from now on, you will notice this “diagnostic thing” every time you watch an episode of any version of Star Trek.

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Categories: Humor, Sci Fi - Fantasy - Time Travel, Television, Tom Curley, You can't make this stuff up

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27 replies

  1. sherriepalmer
    04/21/2019 • 10:38

    Love this post! I’ve been a Trekkie my whole life. The positive outlook fo the future keeps me watching. Thanks for the level five smile!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Marilyn Armstrong
      04/21/2019 • 13:31

      What is really so strange is that a lot of these “fictional” futures may turn out to be real futures. There is a real possibility that in the NOT o distant future, no one will need to work. It doesn’t mean no one wil work, but it does mean that no one will be required to work. There is more than enough money in this world for everyone to live a decent and comfortable life. Work can be more of what you want to be than a grinding drive to do anything to survive. There are a few good articles about this in The New Yorker and Washington Post this morning. I think also in the N.Y. Post. Remarkably, it’s an idea whose time is coming around. I don’t think I will live to see it, but I think it will happen.

      Liked by 2 people

      • tomcurley1
        04/21/2019 • 14:06

        the show has already spawned a lot of tech. Flip phones, iso-linear chips (a USB stick?) etc

        Like

    • tomcurley1
      04/21/2019 • 14:04

      Thanks

      Liked by 1 person

  2. swo8
    04/20/2019 • 12:44

    I must run some diagnostics of my own Tom. One is on Key lime pie and the other is on Sour Cream Lemon pie.
    Leslie

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lwbut
    04/20/2019 • 10:36

    I don’t think there is any such thing as ‘The Real World’ anymore… There’s just a whole bunch of people living in their own version of reality and somehow they sort of live in a Hippie commune of a planet, occasionally interacting in new and strange ways, probably while high on Crystal Meth.

    I try to keep out of it as much as i can lately.

    Living in the 25th century for a few hours at a time in another part of the Universe is as good a way as any.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Taswegian1957
    04/20/2019 • 06:39

    I’ve been binge watching Enterprise recently and in common with the other Star Treks the most common response when responding to some emergency seems to be “No Effect”

    Like