HORSE SENSE – BY TOM CURLEY

Marilyn and Garry wrote a blog a while back about watching one of their favorite movies, “Rustler’s Rhapsody.” It’s also one of my favorite movies. They introduced it to me.

I’ve seen it dozens of times and I  love introducing it to any friend who hasn’t seen it before.

It’s a very loving parody of all the great western movies of the 30’s and 40’s.  An ode to the singing cowboy. The closing music over the credits is one of my all time favorite songs, “The Last Of The Silver Screen Cowboys”. I swear to God I tear up a little every time I hear it.

I was one of those little kids with the Roy Rogers cowboy hats and a pair of six-shooters.

Every day when I was four or five, I’d strap on my six guns, put on my hat and go out in the backyard and do my “patrol.” You’d be amazed by the number of bad guys and rustlers I ran off my property. When I’d come back home (my back porch), my Grandpa would have already left me my “lunch.”

A single Necco Wafer. We ran a lean ranch.

I listened to the song again after I read the post and it got me to thinking.

There’s a great line in the song that says “Roy, and Trigger, we loved you. And Hoppy we saved all our dimes. Saturday afternoon double features. And we sat through each movie two times.”

I’m tearing up again. They acknowledged Trigger, but what about the other great horses? Silver, Scout, Buttermilk, Topper, Buckshot, Wildfire, and of course, Champion, the Wonder Horse.

Think about it. The horses were really the smartest ones in the movies. Silver was always pulling the Lone Ranger out of the river after he falls off a cliff and is unconscious. Scout is always getting Tonto out-of-town at the last minute after the townsfolk finished beating the shit out of him because the Lone Ranger sent him to town to get some “information.”

I’ve often wondered what they thought about their riders, seeing them doing the same stupid things over and over again.

TRIGGER: Silver, Scout, hey guys! What’s up?

SILVER: Same ole, same ole. Just pulled the Ranger out of the river again before the bad guys found him.  Fifth time I’ve had to do it this month.

TRIGGER: How’d he end up in the river this time?

SILVER: Same reason as always. Got his head grazed by a bullet, fell off a cliff, and knocked himself out. You’d think he’d learn.

SCOUT: Humans, very hard to train. Take my guy, Tonto. The Ranger is always sending him into town to get some “information.” And every time he does, the townsfolk beat the shit out of him, knock him out. I have to drag his ragged ass back to camp. You’d think by now he’d say “Fuck you Kemosabe, you go to town and get the shit beat out of you.” But no, not Tonto. A real type-B personality.

SILVER: What about your guy, Trigger? What does he do that annoys you?

TRIGGER: Not much really. I do get tired of having to rear up on my hind legs and whinny every time we leave to go somewhere. I mean, most of the time there’s nobody around to even see it. What’s the point?

SILVER: I hear that. My guy does that all the time. Drives me nuts.

SCOUT: Tonto tries to do that too. I just ignore him.

SILVER: So, Trigger, I got a question. I’ve always been curious. Is Roy, uh, how do I put it? Um, gay?

TRIGGER: What?! No!

SCOUT: Not that there’s anything wrong with that!

TRIGGER: Why would you think that?

SILVER: Well, I mean, come on. Look at how he dresses. He’s very stylish for a cowboy. And he’s into musical theater. He sings in every one of his movies. I’m just saying …

TRIGGER: What about your guy? He basically wears a unitard!

SILVER: Point taken.

SCOUT: Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

TRIGGER: And what about Dale Evans?

SILVER: Could just be his beard. Ever seen them kiss?

TRIGGER: Well, no, but…

SILVER: The only one I’ve ever seen him kiss is you.

TRIGGER: Hey! I’m a confident heterosexual horse!

SILVER: So that means’ you’ve done it with Buttermilk?

SCOUT: Oh, I would so tap that filly. She’s hot. Get em up, Scout!

TRIGGER: Uh, well, not yet but ….

SILVER: Look, it’s all cool. There’s something else I’ve always wondered about. Why is it that all the people in the towns ride horses — except Pat Brady, who drives a broken-down World War II jeep?  What the hell is that all about? What year is it, anyway?

SCOUT: And why do you make Bullet run alongside the jeep? I mean, we’re built to run 30 to 40 miles an hour. He’s just a German Shepard! Why not let him ride in the jeep?

Hey Roy, I can run fast, but give me a break!

I guess these are questions that will never get answered.

And for the record, I am not suggesting that Roy Rogers was gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)

I was just horsing around.

32 thoughts on “HORSE SENSE – BY TOM CURLEY”

  1. you do have to wonder at those horses, don’t you? They must have been really fed up to have such klutzes as their riders. Though it’s refreshing to look at the likes of the Lone Ranger and realise he hasn’t spent a million years in a gym. Just as well lycra want invented until after they headed for the range

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Most all of them were sort of out of shape. But it didn’t matter as long as they could shoot the gun out of your hand.

      Like

  2. This is worth a reblog. Because people need to remember them good ol’ days (I wasn’t born yet but still can appreciate) and that whole horse conversation? Priceless. Thanks for a grin to brighten my day!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Melanie, this is worth MULTIPLE reblogs, especially on a gray, rainy Saturday when young buckaroos of a bye gone era would be watching their favorite cowboy heroes on TVs with small b&w screens, fighting off the screen “snow” and jumpy video of those days.
      Thanks, Tommie (aka “Pancho”) for this wonderful piece of nostalgia. Because of my hearing problems, I never catch all the lyrics of songs.
      So, Pancho, thanks for “Roy and Trigger, we loved you..and Hoppy we saved all our dimes. Saturday afternoon double features….and we sat through each movie two times.” I thought I was the only kid in the world who did that. I was clearly oblivious to all the other young buckaroos in our neighborhood movie theater…glued to their seats (always forgot about the old chewing gum) and staring intently at our six gun heroes on the larger than life silver screens.
      I often sat in the first or second row so I could be close to the action, perhaps warn Roy, Hoppy, Gene, Wild Bill and the others about impending danger. Clearly, they couldn’t hear the thundering hooves of the bad guys on lathered horses that couldn’t hold a candle to Silver, Scout, Trigger, Buttermilk, Champion or Tony. I was too young to crack wise when Dan Reed showed up aboard Victor. I cudda whispered, “What’s your vector, Victor?” But the old matron who patrolled the kids’ section wudda given me the stink eye.
      One of my favorite celeb interviews as a TV News Reporter was with Buster Crabbe. Buster was famous as “Flash Gordon” to many kids of a certain age. But I also remembered his westerns. The B&W oaters with Al “Fuzzy” St. John. Buster Crabbe graciously spun stories about his old cowboy films and said he loved them because he’d grown up watching the likes of William S. Hart, Harry Carey, Sr and Broncho Billy Anderson, cowboy stars of silent movies.
      So, you see, the circle goes unbroken.
      My Heroes have always been cowboys.

      Vamanos, Pancho.
      Ceeesco

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Pancho, I think my record is three before the old lady with the flashlight kicked me out. Believe it was an Audie Murphy and John Payne double feature. “The Duel At Silver Creek” and “The Road To Denver”. I also loved the coming attractions with the over the top narration. “John Payne..brawling his way thru terror and danger to glory…braving death… defying odds to win the love of lovely Y’vonne DeCarlo……Y’vonne DeCarlo…whose glowing beauty covered the secrets of a dark past….Dan Duryea…more dangerous than you’ve ever seen him. “The Road To Denver”….A glorious, tempestuous, slugging, explosive and exciting saga…the BIGGEST adventure yet from the studio that gave you “Shane”. “The Road To Denver”…coming soon to this theater.

          Like

      1. Let’s hit the road, Pancho. Bad guys trying to tree the old town of Perdition..down by the Rio Bravo. We’re burnin’ daylight…we can head ’em off at the pass. Pancho, remember to bring enough chewing gum for everybody.

        Like

    1. Leslie, they seemed to be genuinely nice people. Marilyn and I watched probably the last group interview with Roy, Dale and Gene Autry..it was a Westerns Channel special. They seemed real with natural, unforced chatter.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I watched every episode of every show too. Loved them all, and funnily enough, I often thought, that horse is smarter than they are. In reality, the show was about the horse and weren’t they all beautiful!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Covert, reminds me of the scene in “The Quiet Man” when Barry Fitzgerald’s “one horsepower” steed pulls up at Barry’s favorite pub…on his own. Barry thanks the horse. The horse neighs an “okay”.

      Like

  4. WELL, YOU DID IT AGAIN! Tomster.., I’ve got tears in my eyes from laughin’ so hard I could hardly finish reading your horsey bit. I swear you missed your calling…., OK, ok I think I’ve got it together now.

    One thing about Tonto always going into town for information was that he usually ended up in a barbershop.., and never a saloon. Guess the native American thing with alcohol wasn’t cool to point up? Anyway if you looked at Tonto’s carefully quaffed hair you kinda knew he was the farthest thing from needing a haircut as he always wore it the same way. No white barber was ever gonna be able to re-dress his hair the way he liked to keep it anyway. Plus he always booked just about the time the barber announced: “you’re next injun” which always put a confused look on the barber’s face. Why? Didn’t he know that ‘Injuns” took care of their own hair back at the TeePee? As much as we enjoyed those old cowboy flicks they were strange when you stopped to think about it. Now I live out here in cowboy land and have met a few and a fair number of Ind…., er…, native Americans and they ain’t nothin’ like what Hollywood made up. Sorry if I spoilt yer concept pardner….?

    Liked by 2 people

Talk to me!

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.